> >This is a collection of the world's worst puns but they still get a
>> >laugh or a groan when dropped on an unsuspecting listener. Some are
>> >really PUNishment for trying to be punny. This is particularly true if
>> >dropped from atop a five story building
>> >
>> >** I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. >> >
>> >* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a >> >rest.
>> >
>> >* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all
>> >right now.
>> >
>> >* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. >> >
>> >* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
>> >
>> >* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
>> >
>> >* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at >> >large.
>> >
>> >* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
>> >
>> >* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened >> >criminal.
>> >
>> >* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. >> >
>> >* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. >> >
>> >* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
>> >
>> >* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on >> >it. >> >
>> >* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky >> >ground.
>> >
>> >* The dead batteries were given out free of charge
>> >
>> >* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory >> >
>> >* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
>> >
>> >* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
>> >
>> >* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
>> >
>> >* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
>> >
>> >* A backward poet writes inverse.
>> >
>> >* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
>> >Count that votes.
>> >
>> >* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.*
>> >*
>> >* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed
>> >
>> >* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
>> >
>> >* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat >> >miner >> >
>> >* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
>> >
>> >* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. >> >
>> >* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum >> >Blownapart
>> >
>> >* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it
>> >
>> >* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>> >
>> >* A calendar's days are numbered
>> >
>> >* A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine
>> >
>> >* A boiled egg is hard to beat
>> >
>> >* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>> >
>> >* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>> >
>> >* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. >> >
>> >* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
>> >
>> >* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. >> >
>> >* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis
>> >
>> >* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses
>> >
>> >* Acupuncture: a jab well done.