I already know that several of these have been seen before, so don't bother to tell me. I do hope that for someone out there they may be new, And even if they're old, they are still good enough to make you smile.
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD
> Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
>
> A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
>
> Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
>
> A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean
> your mother.
>
> Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
>
> I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
>
> Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
>
> A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>
> Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
>
> Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
>
> Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
>
> Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>
> A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
>
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
>
> Without geometry, life is pointless.
>
> When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
>
> Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
>
> A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
>
> Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
>
> When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
>
> A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
>
> What's the definition of a will?
> (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
>
> A backwards poet writes inverse.
>
> In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
>
> A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>
> If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
>
> With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>
> Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you
> a flat minor.
>
> When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
>
> The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
>
> A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
> Linoleum Blown apart.
>
> You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
>
> He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> Every calendar's days are numbered.
>
> A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
>
> A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>
> He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
>
> The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
> medium at large.
>
> Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
>
> Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
>
> When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair,
> she thought she'd dye.
>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
>
> Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
>
> Acupuncture is a jab well done.