OT-Lots of Puns

I already know that several of these have been seen before, so don't bother to tell me. I do hope that for someone out there they may be new, And even if they're old, they are still good enough to make you smile.

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD

> Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. > > A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. > > Practice safe eating - always use condiments. > > A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean > your mother. > > Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. > > I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. > > Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. > > A hangover is the wrath of grapes. > > Corduroy pillows are making headlines. > > Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? > > Sea captains don't like crew cuts. > > Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? > > A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. > > Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. > > A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour. > > Without geometry, life is pointless. > > When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. > > Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. > > A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. > > Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. > > When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. > > A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. > > What's the definition of a will? > (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!) > > A backwards poet writes inverse. > > In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes. > > A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. > > If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. > > With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. > > Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you > a flat minor. > > When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. > > The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. > > A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in > Linoleum Blown apart. > > You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. > > Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. > > He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. > > Every calendar's days are numbered. > > A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. > > A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. > > He had a photographic memory that was never developed. > > The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small > medium at large. > > Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. > > Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. > > When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, > she thought she'd dye. > > Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. > > Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. > > Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Reply to
Lucille
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"Lucille" ,in rec.crafts.textiles.needleworkwrote: and entertained us with

I'm a pessimist and I am A neg - never thought of that before lol

Reply to
lucretia borgia

If you're way of thinking is correct that I must report that I'm AB neg. Does that make me a half-a'd pessimist???

Lucille

Reply to
Lucille

"Lucille" ,in rec.crafts.textiles.needleworkwrote: and entertained us with

Well you might buzz or something lol

Reply to
lucretia borgia

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