OT: The Lost Children

Do you ever get the feeling from 'society' that, as a low-income female without children, you're not even worth wasting oxygen upon?

I'm probably just mooching the air some hard-working, tax-paying, middle-class family needs, anyway.

Melody (My partner gets SSDI. I do understand where you are coming from on most things.)

Interesting. It was my understanding that it's illegal to ask someone that in an interview. Perhaps I misunderstood.

Elizabeth

IIRC, when I was working 10 years ago, it was illegal to ask those questions. But my boss, who was to my way of thinking the original "bitch on wheels," had a certain way of asking a question while doing an interview that got the women just relaxed enough to answer those questions without their realizing she wasn't just being friendly.

We used to quietly whisper to each other when one of us was called in to talk to Cheryl: "Be careful, be very careful."

Lucille

Just curious, how does one get around answering those questions without offending the person doing the interview? I've always wondered that, because if I would say "You know, you aren't allowed to ask me that" I might aswell just say "I don't really want this job", right? So what should I do, hypothetically, if I ever get that far again ;-)

cu nicole

Is it common where you are to put that sort of personal information on a resume or CV? In the US, it's not even considered appropriate to do that, and prospective employers aren't supposed to ask.

Best wishes, Ericka

If you're in the US, it should be *ILLEGAL* for them to ask that sort of thing. Obviously, if they ask, the wisest option is not always to rant at them about doing something illegal, but you can always answer in a more roundabout way and get at the *real* question they're answering: "I have excellent childcare and backup childcare arrangements" or, "I don't expect childcare issues to be an impediment to fulfilling the duties of this job."

Best wishes, Ericka

Plus, in an interview, one is aiming to please and everyone knows, women are great at doing that lol

Obviously the idiom doesn't translate in the UK. "To lay a guilt trip on someone" = making them feel guilty if they don't do what you want them to.

Used in a sentence: If you don't donate to the panhandler, he lays a guilt trip on you that he's going to die of starvation.

It's not that the leech feels guilty about not working, but that he makes the family feel guilty if they don't give him money. Some techniques are "Dad, you owe me because of my bad childhood" and "boohoo, if you REALLY loved me...."

Personally, I refuse to feel guilty, and I will not be dictated to that I have to be accepting of an adult in my household who does neither; at least not while I'm the one paying the bills. That I don't accept guilt trips from people who want me to take care of them because they can't handle reality has caused a lot of friction, but, frankly, I don't care. I have enough to cope with, without adding taking care of an irresponsible "child" to the mix. That's why I pay taxes, so the government can take care of the leeches and get their constant emotional turmoil out of MY house.

Move to the US where those questions are illegal!

Only from doctors and SSDI judges who want me to go live with my elderly parents or non-existent husband/siblings/children so that I don't need to mooch off the government, and think I'm totally irresponsible to have not demanded my parents provide me with siblings or have a husband or a flock of children who have good enough jobs to support me.

With a lot of years in the professional world behind me, I present as a woman who must have a really good job: well-spoken, self-assured, don't take no sh**. If anyone asks, I own my own business dealing with all aspects of the written word, mostly editing legal documents. Sounds lucrative. (They don't need to know how few hours I work and how little I earn.) So, no, Society as a whole doesn't treat me like I don't deserve to live, because I don't look like a lower-class leech.

And if anyone *does* find out and make the mistake of criticizing me, they get a good lecture that this is an INSURANCE policy that I paid into for 25 years (and still do, on what little earnings I have), and I really rather doubt that they would pay thousands of dollars for insurance and then not submit a valid claim. (As I said, I don't take no sh** off no one.) Most of them *do* have to admit that they have at some point submitted an insurance claim for a car accident or theft, and in a sum a lot less than I stand to lose if I smile sweetly and say "that's OK, I don't deserve any money".

And, frankly, if I never worked another hour the rest of my life, all those years of two and three jobs and scads of overtime, I've worked more total hours than a lot of people who see nothing wrong with retiring at 55. I started my first craft sales business at 14, started tutoring at 15, and was on staff at the local newspaper by 16 (while still doing the other two jobs).

Come sit next to me, honey, and I will teach you, too, how to give Society the impression that you're worth a lot more than you really are. :)

BTW, after my latest round of letter-writing, I'm thinking of changing my profession from Editor to Political Activist. What say ye?

Those questions were illegal more than 20 years ago, but, you're right, there are people who try to find ways to ask them. I ended a lot of interviews with "I don't believe you're allowed to ask that", and simply gathered up my stuff because I was not going to answer any question not directly related to the job. Seeing a well-qualified candidate walk out the door may have made them think twice about asking that question again in the future.

If they ask about children, "I have made adequate arrangements for their care while I am at work." and then ask a question about the job that has absolutely nothing to do with the children (i.e., not about late hours or travel or dependent health care or maternity leave)

If they ask about marital status, "I'm very happy, thank you".

Technically, under ADA, the only question that they are allowed to ask about your health before making an actual job offer, if you have a visible disability, they can ask whether this will affect your ability to perform the job. If they ask anything else, you answer THAT question and not the one they asked. It is still legal to require a health exam

*after* the offer but before commencing work, but they've got to make the job offer first. But they can't ask you "so, do you have any disabilities I should know about?"

Personally, since I don't want to waste everyone's time with an hour-long interview that's going to wind up with "we absolutely will

*not* consider allowing you to work at home", I bring it up on the phone, without revealing the *name* of the disability (which a lot of people mistakenly believe to be psychological) only that I have a health condition which requires multiple rest breaks during the day and I'm sure they would not consider it professional for me to lie on the couch in the reception area.

Thank you for tracking that down. I knew that the impression that it's only unmarried teen mothers with 8 kids by the time they're 20 was very wrong, but couldn't lay my hands on the statistics.

"... that I have to be accepting of an adult in my household who does neither paid work nor housework; ...."

Should've proofread.

For one, not everyone is as sharp as you or as accomplished at BS as you are. This woman's favorite saying was: "They can blind me with their beauty, but they can't baffle me with their BS."

For the other, she couldn't have cared less and would say, there will be someone else just as qualified. We can wait.

I can tell you in no uncertain terms, I really miss working, but I don't miss her at all.

Lucille

I miss working, as they were nearly all such a nice crowd - all the same I wouldn`t take a permanent job (except very occasionally - and then I`d usually leave after a year or two and go back to "Temping" just because I could take holidays when convenient for ME and/or family commitments. I worked as a "temp" for the same company for over 17 years! (British Telecom).

Pat P