I was browsing through some old stuff and found the following which I originally wrote and posted on January 6, 1997. I know that several guilds and needlework groups have used it in their newsletters.
BTW, I have no problem with people forwarding this or using it in a guild newsletter, just as long as they give me credit. It has been reposted without the credit in the past, which I guess in a backhanded way is a compliment.
I've also updated some of the references since some of the original people are no longer on the group.
Happy New Years, everybody! Hope you enjoy the following.
Atlanta(AP)... The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, today announced the identification and isolation of a new disease. Tentatively named Acquired Needlework Syndrome (ANS), the disease is highly infectious. Scientists at CDC say the disease is caused by a newly discovered bacillus called staphloaiguille because of its needlelike shape.
"Under the microscope," said a centre spokeswoman, "the bacillus is long and slender with a long narrow opening at one end, from which trail thread-like cilia."
Symptoms of the disease include feverish babbling of letters such as DMC, TW, MLI, GAST, LOL, ROTFL, SABLE, or SEX and talking about invisible friends such as Trish, Jim, Tina, Sheena, Karen, Sharon, etc.
In the early stages, sufferers appear to be taking an unusual interest in Verdi operas, while more advanced cases develop wanderlust, especially wishing to travel to Edinborough, Dublin, and Belfast. Other symptoms include feverish buying and storing of woven goods and printed pamphlets, and a 'smoking' credit card.
The disease is especially dangerous because it can not only be passed along directly from one infected individual to another, but documented cases have been found where the sufferer caught the disease from reading a magazine, or attending a craft show.
CDC says that while the disease is especially prevalent in North America, cases have been found in every country on the globe. Two additional variants of the disease have been found, staphloaiguille.fletcherri in the Orkney Islands, and staphloaiguille.martina which seems to be restricted to Duisberg, Germany.
Family members should be aware that while the disease may occasionally enter remission, it is at present incurable. The patient should be given a quiet corner with a comfortable chair and good lighting. Interruptions should be minimized. A supply of good quality chocolate should be kept on hand at all times.
MargW