OK, I must admit that I miss Snig's jokes of the day. I got a couple jokes in the mail today that made me smile even though I'd read them before. Here goes.....read at your own risk. Remember....I did put OT!!!
-------------------------------------------------------- A husband and wife go to a counselor after 37 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 37 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately.The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thinks ! for a moment and replies, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.
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The front desk people at the doctor's office always ask why you are there, and you must answer -- in front of all -- what's wrong, and sometimes it is embarrassing. I love the way this old guy handled it:
An 89 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and hissed, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
"I can't pee out of it," he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
"When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the b***h to go nuts looking for the jewelry."