I should have just done this as a new topic to begin with, since there is more to the story than the little blip that I posted to the Full Moon. Still, I thank you to those who already responded with your assurance of prayers and support.
I have to admit, and I want you all to know that I haven't admitted it to anyone other than my Dh so far.
I'm a little on the scared side. Not just because of dad's surgery. That IS scary. But because I have a doctors appointment at 8:30 in the morning. I know I am not well. I have known for quite a while that I am not well. And I have a sneaking suspicion I know why.
(And for the one individual who already gave me a maternal lecture today, please don't gear up for a second round. I already know, K-N-O-W how stupid what I am fixing to say, is.)
I have not had a well-woman exam in six years now. Every woman should have a yearly exam, I know this. I know it all too well because ironically, I'm supposed to have one every six months. Who the hell can afford that especially when they don't have insurance? Then, you throw in four years of court dates, trials, hearings, appointments with lawyers, attorney's, ad litems, therapists, CPS, etc. etc. etc. trying to protect your children - and just when in the hell are you supposed to have time for that?
I had a pre-cancerous tumor, with ovary and fallopian tube, removed in
1996. It was a miserable experience and I'm not too fond of doctors to begin with. Ask me some day about my previous bad experiences with the medical profession and I will tell you how and why I came to live on faith and not profession.Anyway, yes, I'm scared. Have all the signs and symptoms of having something very wrong in the feminine check-up department and I don't want to talk about it, don't want to think about it and well....you know.
So all I'm asking is, while you're praying for dad's surgery, please throw in one for me too I guess. One for good news, not bad. One for me to not be so scared and leery of going through that crap again. One for me to be steadfast to my faith this week.
By the way, the story on dad - he is having his left leg rebuilt. For any of you who have had a knee or hip replacement, you probably know they are really only good for about 10 years. My dad is a recovered alcoholic. Hence my utmost respect and admiration for him. He was a skid row, one foot in the pen and one foot in the grave bum. (That's how he describes himself.) He will celebrate his 21st A.A. birthday, two days after my birthday this year. Yep, I'm proud. Pulled himself up by his bootstraps, put himself through rehab and hasn't missed an A.A. meeting since. Maybe not for himself, but as a sponsor for any alcoholic he can convince to go clean and sober.
When I was a child, he was in a severe car accident, about 30 years ago now. Yep, drunk and running from a police officer. He ran the car off the road and into an electrical pole. On impact, he was thrown forward as the car doors swung open - as the car shifted back from the impact, his leg was slammed into the door jam as the car door slammed shut. His entire left leg was crushed and had to be completely rebuilt. It has finally failed him, severely, over the last year. He can no longer walk without mechanical assistance. On top of the surgery to rebuild his leg, he has all the typical ailments of a recovering alcoholic. Diabetes, liver damage, heart damage, etc. So yep, I'm worried. I'd hate to think he's come this far in his life, done so much good for so many charitable organizations - only to have his life cut short. Even the doctor is worried.
So there you have it, my whine and complain for the month. I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer and a good thought, so if you don't mind sharing one or two with me this week - I'd really appreciate it guys!
Hugging you all in my heart, Tina