Pumpkin Muffins!

Lammy's her nickname...it just stuck. Her real name is Laine. :) But honestly, I don't think she's jealous of the new baby at all. She absolutely loves her to pieces. I didn't need to sit her down or anything, because she actually sat down beside me, pointed to the baby and said, "Lammy's baby." ...which was as cute as can be, by the way.

However, she IS still only two years old, and we're in the middle of a move, and there's a new baby taking up all of mommy's time, and mommy doesn't have anybody to help, so poor Lammy has to be bored and do a lot of waiting sometimes. That's what I feel the worst about. So it's not a wonder she acts out and does stuff she's really not supposed to do. I'm a really high energy person myself, which is why I took up knitting...I just felt really fidgety when I sat around and my hands weren't doing anything...so I understand how maddening it must be to her to be bored off her rocker.

I'm still trying to recover from this birth experience, so I'm not really good at sitting down on the floor and reading books and stuff like I used to be. That must be hard for her to take too. The thing is, she's so distracted with the baby that she wants to be around us all the time, so she's totally stopped playing by herself, which makes things problematic. At least when I was pregnant, she would go off and draw pictures and stuff. SHe would even feed herself...now, I not only have to be with her ALL the time, but I have to feed her too, and it's become a real battle because that means chasing her down sometimes. I can't in good conscience be too strict on meal time limitations because she's barely registering on the growth charts in her age/weight category (very underweight)...but it's pretty maddening sometimes, because it usually comes down to either her eating or me eating. So as a compromise, some days I eat only one meal, and sometimes she eats one meal. :P

...Which brings up another issue...since Lammy only acts out when she's bored, that usually means that it's while I'm feeding her sister or putting her to sleep. Soooooo I usually can't correct her on as many things as I'd like because that would mean the baby not eating either! It's all so frustrating, I go insane at least once a day. Such is life with two high-needs children. *sigh*

Oh, to just have one again!

Allaya

MRH wrote:

Hello Allaya, it does not matter what you might call it, but you already put your own finger on the problem, if that is what you want to call it. I would say it is not a problem, but the norm for the first born to act like this when the second child comes along. Always when you are changing diapers, feeding the baby or occupied with tending to the baby. Lammy was used to all the attentions and now, if she likes it or not she has to share you and daddy with the new baby. On the one hand, she will show you that she loves the baby and so she does, on the other hand when you are feeding her she will act up so you have to give her some attention as well. You have to get used to having to do twice as much work, share all your careing two ways plus a hefty share to Daddy as well. Lammie has to get used to not being number one anymore. Maybe even harder because she had so many health problems in the beginning of her young life. Go by instinct, give her a bit more time when the baby is asleep, she will adjust it time.

We went throught that with our children and I watched how my daughter is going through it with her two daughters. One is a little over 5 and the other is nearly 2 years old. It is interesting to see how many paralells there are. If you can take some time for yourself here and there and share some mom and daughter time, when the baby is asleep things will work out. Have some interesting toys ready when the baby is breast feeding and let Lammy help with the change of the diapers. Let her get a new diaper or if it is just a wet diaper, she can put it in the diaper bucket. She could bring you your feeding pillow if you use one or the little cloth to wipe the baby's face. Lammy will feel that she is helping and at the same time that she is part of the whole process. Maybe at times your husband can take up the slack and play with lammy at night while you look after the baby. It takes some adjusting, but in the end you will make it work, all mothers do in the end.

Enjoy, and try to get lots of sleep.

Els

Allaya, I do not know if this will help or not. I kind of gather from you post that little lammy liked you reading to her - which she obviously misses while you are so busy.

When I had Colleen ( DD #2 )I found she had to have her milk very slowly or be ill and so each feed took a whole hour. During this time Shauna would share my lap and bring a book to read - every day the same book - A is an apple pie, B took it, C cut it etc etc so for the eight months I breast fed Colleen that book was read to her -actually by the middle of that time she read it to me , as she was 3 by then..

I figured I never ever wanted to hear that book again but it certainly made Shauna feel very wanted as she shared the very time that would have been exclusively Colleen's. ( incidently Shauna still has the book 41 years later, and delights in quoting it to me occasionally whenever the subject of reading to children comes up) God Bless gwen

Wonderful advice Els!

Shelagh

Hi Allaya:

I haven't posted in a long while here but have been reading off and on.

I can relate to your frustration. My older kids were only 20 months apart and it was WORK. They both had some needs that required special attention. They did spend a lot of their early yrs bickering and I thought i would never live to tell about it. The only help I had was me, myself and I. We had moved a long way from family. In time things worked out, he is now 18...she is 16 and they get along very very well. They even have some classes at highschool together and team up as partners. I have a 4 yr old daughter and she is obviously alone. That is a situation in itself with regards to playing and keeping herself busy. I wish you well and hang in there, things will improve....."time" is the key!

Take Care Donna from Ontario, Canada

Right on Donna, I also raised our three kids without family help, being an immigrant, but in the end it made me more independent and I learned very fast, where to compromise and where to give a bit more attention. It certainly is a learning curve, I did not always get it right, on the other hand there were no mothers or in laws leaning over my shoulder to make corrections either...LOL, ask my daughter about that one....LOL

Els

Hi there Els:

Ohhh the "family interferers" . We are very lucky to not have much/none of that. We have since moved back very close to our family. Actually only a few blocks from my in-laws. But, you're right....not having the help or the interfering makes one a lot more independant. So, we are very close to our families, no arugements etc. but at the same time we keep our distance and do not discuss our children with them on a regular basis. Oh and did I mention, tongue biting has worked on a few occassions .

Donna from Ontario, Canada

When I got married we didn't have a lot of money and my now ex-husband was a landed immigrant looking for steady work, so my parents allowed us to live upstairs in their home. Their bedroom was downstairs, and only one back room upstairs was used for storage (out of season clothing and bedding, etc), so the rest of the upstairs was ours to do what we wanted with. We made the large hall at the top of the stairs into a livingroom with a loveseat, an armchair, a TV, a bookcase, and a table on which we had a kettle and toaster with a sealed bowl of sugar and another one of teabags so we could have our breakfast upstairs. My big bedroom became "our" bedroom, and the small back room became a study with my oak desk and another work table and chair in there. We shared the bathroom, laundryroom, and kitchen with my parents.

When Matthew came along, our bedroom was large enough to have the crib in there with us. Three months after Matthew was born my ex decided that he didn't want to be in a family anymore, and went back to England. My parents allowed Matthew and I to continue living upstairs. As Matthew grew older and got more toys, etc... I moved my bed to the back room that had been used as a study, and left the big bedroom to Matthew... the work table ended up in the laundryroom, and the desk went back into the hall/livingroom. My parents *never* interferred with my raising of my son! When I would go someplace with my Mom (Birthday or Christmas shopping) my Dad would look after Matthew and loved every second of it. We would often come home to find them both zonked out in my Dad's armchair with Matthew draped across my Dad.

But I never ever had any problems with interferring from anyone, until the first day of Matthew's paternal grandparents meeting him at age two when I punished him for saying a very bad word by putting a tiny dot of tabasco sauce on his tongue and standing him on the stairs alone. When my ex-mother-in-law told me I was a bad mother and should be ashamed of myself for how I was treating my child, I told her off and also informed her that although we lived with my parents they have NEVER interferred, so she had no right to come here and jump down my throat about how I was raising my son. I also informed her that if she wanted to accuse someone of being a bad parent she should talk to her son who abandoned us and never looked back or even bothered to send any support. That was the end of the interferrance!

So personally, I think interferrance depends greatly on the parents, or in-laws in question, because it doesn't happen with everyone... and I am living proof of that. :o)

Gem

Ah yes biting of the tongue or sitting on it.....that from a, what we call in Dutch a "flap out", LOL

grinning from ear to ear.

Have a nice day hope you do not have a lot of snow already. We had a dusting of it here, however my brother who lives on the other side of the highway, higher up along the central Island mountains, had a foot of snow.

Els

Hi Gem:

You are very fortunate. Like I mentioned I haven't had to too bad. Not too many horror stories to share from either side. The only one that sticks in my mind is the one I've shared here before. My mother in law nearly fainted when she saw my youngest daughters full head of thick "black" hair when she was born. Her comment was....well you know she is cute but I still do prefer those bald or blonde haired babies better. She will still look at my daughter and say to me...ohh my her hair is getting blonder . My daughter is 4, her hair has lightened up from black to dark brown...but blonde...NOT . Okay so I chalk it up to the woman having very selective eye sight or maybe colour blind...who knows . As I've aged I dont' take offense to comments made by people as such, I tend to laugh it off.

Donna from Ontario, Canada

Els.......

....are you referring to the dreaded "s" word....snow of course . No we haven't seen much here yet, a bit a week ago and the odd flurry here and there. My husband is now doing an hour and 10 minute commute from St. Catharines to Branford daily and we are praying for a very calm winter. He bought snow tires for his vehicle so maybe that will help with what we do get.

Take care

Donna from Ontario, Canada