OT:End of the love story

gee...is it just me, or does Sooz think he's an asshole?

~Candace~

Kalera, this made my day..in fact, it made my week, nay--my month. Thank you. Everyone has their moments of clarity about things...I suppose this was one of mine. :)

Lisa,

Please go to your doctor and have yourself tested. Someone who would lie to you about other relationships, could certainly lie about their health - and a doctor's certificate is not that hard to forge.

You need to care and protect yourself and your health during this time. Eat well, sleep well and make time to do things that lift your spirits - whether it is chocolate, hiking in the mountains, a red hat, new beads or your favorite movie.

{{{{{love}}}}}

Ellen

LOL that was what I was gonna say! hahahahahahaha

YES HE IS

He is an asshole.

Oh I agree, whole heartedly.

Cool! :) I love the stuff you post, and I love hearing about your family.

I'm so glad you're here!

-Kalera

I was not quite clear on that, but I did get the impression that she might.

-Kalera

~Candace~

I dunnoooooooo...perhaps some clarification is in order?

You did???

-Kalera

Are you "Silverwolven", perchance? :)

Thank you and good luck!

-Kalera

I agree. Sooz? Could you just make a definitive statement on the matter?

-Kalera

yup :) and the closer it gets to Friday, the more I can bid.

~Candace~

nah, sometimes i think he's an asshole too. actually when we talked on Sunday, he said is goal is to move up to ass in my eyes.

I never knew the mornings could be so hard. The first things that popped into my mind this morning were the pic of him having sex with her, and the fact that working alone from home really sucks...there's no one to keep your mind off of it.

I can't see my shrink again until June 9, and I'm so scared I'm going to go nuts with the pictures in my mind.

I think I told you in an earlier post (or not) that I have never been dumped...it was either a mutual breakup or I dumped.

Please pray for me if you're of that ilk...I am all alone and so afraid.

Lisa,

You're not alone. We're here for you and we care.

Linda2

Lisa, what are some of your favorite things/people/places/whatever? Can you find pictures of these nice things to look at? Something to take the place of the negative images you have right now?

Also, do you keep a journal or a diary? It might help you to write down what you are feeling and thinking about these days. A sort of....personal therapist.

Perhaps there is someone you can call of e-mail whenever you are feeling overwhelmed by the images in your head...and that person can guide you to more positive things to think about?

I know this is hard....it probably feels damn near impossible to get thru, but you are a strong, intelligent woman who can and will get thru this, and come out a person you can be proud to call "me."

Candace: What's so funny about this is that I am a life coach...helping people work through transisitions. But one of the things I never took on were relationships, because I had never been through a traumatic one.

I have a coach myself (only a fool has herself for a client) and all of the tools you've mentioned are tools we use in coaching. It is just so hard to put the into perspective for yourself.

Matt was the person I emailed or called when my life was a shambles!!! LOL!!

There is a woman on another list who has offered to be my shoulder to cry on. And my brother in law just listened to me cry and rant for 30 minutes. I had never really considered him to be someone I could confide in, but I find him more comforting and understanding than I thought he was. I think too, that since he is old enough to be my father, there may be some comfort there.

Candace, I am adding a trick to my bag based on your first paragraph. I use creative imagery with my clients for things that they want in the future...we build a dream board, and you put it in a prominent place. I have one, and it has a beautiful picture of Matt and me, one of the only ones we have of us together, right smack in the middle with pics of things WE wanted. The trick I am adding for my clients is just to have a board of favorite things for when the negativity hits. We practice positive self-talk for when the negative things that we say to ourselves occurs, but I am going to suggest adding the visual. Cool beans, thanks.

As for journaling, I do. I have started another one on line, where I am talking to Matt. Good idea or bad idea, I don't know, but it helps me to yell at him and get out the hurt without sending him emails or talking to him. We'll see how that goes.

Thanks for your support everyone. It takes 3 weeks to break a habit..gotta break him.

Lisa...there's just something about what you're going thru that strikes a deep chord within me. From everything you've said, it sounds like where you are in your thoughts and your feelings is nearly identical to where I was when my ex left me. I also, had never been dumped, it had always been mutual, or I ended things. (Once, my idea of ending things was to haul off and slap the living sh*t outta the guy...in front of ALL of our circle of peers..about 100 people! I don't condone most violence, but man, he had it coming.)

The things I suggested were all things I used to help me get through my teen pregnancy, when the father left me. I have a whole binder, actually, filled with pictures, poems, and journal type writings. I wrote a LOT of letters "to him".... and when I go back and re-read them, I see how I was able to progress beyond him, and the major impact he was having on my well being. The earlier writings are also full of letters to my (then) unborn, which I now know were actually letters to myself in disguise. There was a lot of " My dear son, ......so sorry I couldn't hold onto him for you.......etc, etc" And eventually, they became "I know it's probably optimal to have both parents, but I can and will do this alone....etc.." I know that that was my way of working around to being alright, more than alright, without the ex. The clincher for me was when I asked him to be at the birth, and he told me that he couldn't come because he had to go shopping.

I think it's great that you've started a journal for "talking" to Matt. That was probably one of the biggest things that helped me heal...that feeling of getting what you want to say, out there on the winds. Who knows...perhaps one day, the basic idea of what you are trying to say will cross his path, and in one form or another, he Will hear it. Karma is a wonderful thing:)

Being a highly visual person myself, I couldn't imagine not using visual aid to heal whatever hurts, be it physical or emotional or mental. I use visual aid in a myriad of ways each day--for things small and big. When I'm feeling down about finances, for example, I look at pictures of the "olden" days...and it reminds me that people can, and have been for thousands of years, been getting along just fine with much of what is considered necessary today. The same can apply to relationships, I suppose....perhaps you have a picture of yourself, in a happy time, pre-Matt? You were once in this world without him, and you can be as such again.

I'm honoured and flattered that you got an idea from one of mine:) That brings me to another technique--focusing on the other activities in your life that gave/give you pleasure. Not becoming so entrenched that you can't breath, but spending some time with yourself, doing the things you have always loved to do, things that don't necessarily have anything to do with Matt. It could be as simple as a TV show you like...gave that up for spending more time with Matt? Well maybe it's time to see what your old favorite characters are up to. Just an example.

Methinks I've rambled on enough for now, and I don't even know if half of what I've said makes any sense, but I do have one last thing to add. Give yourself time...time each day to remember the good things about Matt, about you and he together, and to mourn. Mourn the loss of him, of what you had together, of what may have been. Just don't let it drag you down. Now is the time for upward and onward, Lisa:)

~Candace~

Lisa wrote: