No, it's not just you.
(What an ASSHOLE) ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
Most certainly. In my opinion, he is an asshole.
However, I looked "asshole" up in the dictionary, and sure enough -- there's his picture. ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
mmhhmm.>>
Lisa, create a ritual -- they're extremely helpful for humans in transition. It's why we have funerals and other ceremonies. Anything you come up with will help your mind, but here's one offhand:
Get a few photos of him (if you don't want to use a photo, draw a stick figure on a few pieces of paper). Set it up next to an ashtray, or a toilet. Get some matches and a candle and some tongs. And some incense, if you have it.
Play your favorite Strong Woman music, loud. Sit in any position you want in front of your picture and things, but make it a position of strength and being present.
Tell yourself, before you touch anything, that you are rid of the poison in your life. Then burn the picture and dump it in (preferably) the toilet (or use the ashtray). Burn another one, and another one, till you feel better. Then sing along with the tune!
~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
I think this is an excellent idea. ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
Linda2 is right. You are not alone. We are right here with you.
Awesome! LOL!
-Kalera
You WILL be OK, I promise! It won't feel OK for a while, maybe a long while, but one morning you'll wake up and for a minute you won't be in pain. Then it will h it you again, but the thing is, those moments of realization will become more frequent... you'll have increasing moments of non-pain, and they'll get longer and closer together, until eventually you'll discover that you've gone a whole day without thinking about him at all.
It'll just get better after that. In time you'll rarely think about him, and when you do it will be without pain.
My strength to you.
-Kalera
Yes, that is *exactly* how it works. The first few months after my ex left were seriously Not Fun, but a year later the worst was over, and now I can remember and rejoice in the good times without pain or bitterness.
Here's something I found interesting. Right after he left, I was talking with a friend at a con, pouring out my anguish, and my friend asked, "Would you take him back?" My answer was, "Yes, in a heartbeat." The next year when that con came around, I remembered the conversation and thought about that question again, and the answer was, "I don't know, it would depend," and the year after
*that* it was a definite "No, I've moved on." Having that milestone to measure my reactions against really brought home to me the progress I was making in dealing with the situation.Celine
You know the really bad thing? If his picture is the one under "asshole", then they took away the one of my ex-husband! Danger, danger! Stay away from him. Photo at:
On Tue, 18 May 2004 8:21:20 -0400, Candace wrote (in message ):
If you can think of that, you can manipulate your mental picture. Imagine him spending all his money on counterfeit Viagra, which has horrible side effects (you pick the side effects). Or his new friend laughing at "Little Richard." Or her saying "Was that _it?_" afterward.
Anything that will make you laugh. I've been cheated on - it sucks, big time. But you can get past this. Decide that you will not let these thoughts hurt you, and mean it. Every time a thought comes in that upsets you, make yourself think of something that makes you laugh.
Try to think about all the good things about not being with this person. I'm sure that there were some things you overlooked during your relationship with this man, even though they drove you crazy. For me, it was the damn toilet paper. I don't care about it - as far as I'm concerned, you use it and flush it. He insisted on expensive Charmin, put on the roll in a special way, and went through a roll a day. (No, I don't know why). I got a good chuckle every time I threw a roll of plain old ScotTissue in the bathroom, and having it last what seemed like forever.
Yeah, it's stupid. But it did help.
Kathy N-V
Thank you. Thank you all. Sometimes I think I'll be so okay, and then driving home a little while ago, I started screaming in the car that he had sent her "personal"pictures of himself .
He had told me when we first started dating that he had never done that for anyone...his ex wasn't enamoured with that "stuff" and he was so happy that he had met someone who understood about normal human needs.
I started screaming Oh My God, Oh My God there was NOTHING special about our relationship. I had to pull over to the side of the road I was crying so hard.
Every now and again they sweep over me, or I discover something else, and I just scream out loud. My neighbors are going to call the police soon, methinks.
Thanks again you all. You don't know what this means to me.
Lisa
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "lgreene" :
]Please pray for me if you're of that ilk...I am all alone and so afraid.
absolutely, honey! i can attest to the power of the prayers and vibes from this group. and i can identify with how you feel. i'm there often.
*** HUGS *** and prayers incoming!----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@aol.compuppies (Dr. Sooz) :
]Play your favorite Strong Woman music, loud.
Linda, I've got a LOT of Shania Twain music just like this. if you'll e-mail me your snail mail address, i'll send you some!
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
Is this it?
On Tue, 18 May 2004 15:54:47 -0400, lgreene wrote (in message ):
Bzzzzt! Whoop, whoop, whoop, danger Will Robinson!
That was a HUGE warning sign, in case you couldn't tell. I have realized through bitter experience that if a significant other is mean to, hates, belittles, irritates or behaves like a jerk to my siblings - you know, the people I grew up with, the ones who love me with no strings attached, and have no reason to want to see me alone and unhappy - then I need to look at that person with cold, hard, unflinching eyes.
Why would someone who loves me want to alienate my siblings (insert close friends or parents, whatever fits), when he knows that they are terribly important to me, and that they only want the best for me?
Is he so insecure that he feels my relationship with them threatens him in any way? Does he want me to separate from my support system, and only rely upon him? Is this what I want - to lose my whole survival net to a person who might not have my best interest at heart?
The overwhelming majority of dating relationships crash and burn - think of how many people you dated vs. how many people you married, for instance. (and even half of marriages break up) It's a wise move to keep those people who are your long term supports around, and not drop them like a hot rock when Mr. Might-Be-Wonderful comes along. Chances are good that they'll be around for a lot longer than any boyfriend.
]Please pray for me if you're of that ilk...I am all alone and so afraid.
You may be afraid, but you are NOT alone. There are one heck of a lot of us, some who post, and others who lurk but wish you well all the same. Just sit back and feel all the support and comfort coming your way.
At one time, I felt that the whole "vibes" thing was silly. And then I had an operation where my chances of pulling through were iffy, at best. I shared my fears here, and got a lot of my worried expressed long before I went to the hospital. I got hundreds of messages and emails from people who were pulling for me, and sending "vibes" that day.
Well, I'm here - I didn't croak. And I could actually feel all those people pulling for me, helping me hold on when the pain was unbearable, and holding my hand when I felt alone and afraid. I stopped doubting, and have relied on the support of the people I know only through electrons ever since.
It will be all right. Some day you'll remember breaking up with this man and say "Thank God I'm not with him." I promise.
Kathy N-V
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