Subject: Medical Bloopers
>
> >
> > A man runs into the Emergency Room and yells, "My
> > wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed
> > my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> > dress, and began to take off her underwear.
> > Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and
> > I was in the wrong one.
> > Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> > "So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very
> > good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
> > get used to the taste," the patient replied I then
> > asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
> > packet labeled "KY Jelly."
> > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> > on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> > anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
> > "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
> > patient.
> > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
> > told a woman that her husband had died of a massive
> > myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
> > later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
> > family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
> > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > I was performing a complete physical, including the
> > visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty
> > feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye
> > with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
> > "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both,"
> > I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even
> > read the large E on the top line. I turned and
> > discovered that he had done exactly what I had
> > asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
> > covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> > with his cardiologist, he informed me, as his doctor,
> > that he was having trouble with one of his
> > medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
> > nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
> > and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I
> > had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
> > I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches
> > on his body! Now the instructions include removal of
> > the old patch before applying a new one.
> > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> > I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
> > look of complete confusion she answered .. "Why,
> > not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
> > alive."
> > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room. A a
> > young woman entered with purple hair styled into a
> > punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
> > and wearing strange clothing. It was quickly
> > determined the patient had acute appendicitis, so
> > she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she
> > was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
> > staff noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green,
> > and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off
> > the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
> > surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
> > dressing, which said; "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
> > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > A new, young MD was doing his residency in
> > obstetrics. He was quite embarrassed performing
> > female pelvic exams. To conceal his embarrassment he
> > had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
> > softly. A middle aged lady upon whom he was
> > performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
> > further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
> > and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
> > you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you
> > were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'" > >
hopes this brings some laughs :)
~Candace~ your local hemp goddess :)