PING: Linda2

She was doing much better last weekend and Wednesday night. Last night when I went, she was alone in the TV room, her head down on the table. No one knew where she was.

I took her back to her room, took her shoes and socks off her swollen feet and massaged them. She wanted to get into bed so I helped her up and got her situated. She now has tremors all over, like someone with Parkinsons. No one knows why and the doctor is off until Monday.

They brought her dinner and she asked me to open the little tub of butter, which she then ate with a spoon and ate her crackers (getting crumbs all over because she was shaking so much), but not much else.

She was reaching behind her in the bed and when she moved her hand back in front, it was covered with feces. Feces were all over the bed, her clothing and her back. Goddess knows how long it had been since her diaper had been changed. She's reverted to not calling for the aide or the nurse when she has to go.

She doesn't look good and she's slipped backwards in a matter of days. I believe it's now only a matter of time before she leaves me.

On a brighter note, I got my car title in the mail yesterday and Fancy is now mine, all mine!

And THE doctor bought a tubular netted necklace from me!

Linda2

Oh honey, ouch. Sending you love and hugs.

Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

I'm so sorry to hear this. It really takes so little to help someone pass with dignity.

Have you contacted Hospice? They are such a tremendous help and are usually free. They can help you contact the right people for the practical things, and for helping with grieving effectively, and they can speak the language for when you have to speak to professional care givers.

The best you can do is just love her. She'll know.

Tina

Linda, you and your mum are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so glad you could update us, Linda. :) After going thru the exact same things with the nursing home before I lost my mom last October (the 16th is one year), I just can't believe that nursing homes are run as badly as they are. :( One thing I did find out from one of the night nurses is that the more you visit and ask/demand care for your mom, the better care she'll get (supposedly anyway). Be sure to let them know at the desk that you found your mom alone, dirty diaper, etc. That lets them know that you're on top of things and won't let them get away with ignoring her.

But I'm glad to hear about your car and necklace sale! Keep hanging in there and I'll continue to keep you and yer mom in my thoughts and prayers. :) hugZ, Linda

: : She was doing much better last weekend and Wednesday night. Last night when : I went, she was alone in the TV room, her head down on the table. No one : knew where she was. : : I took her back to her room, took her shoes and socks off her swollen feet : and massaged them. She wanted to get into bed so I helped her up and got her : situated. She now has tremors all over, like someone with Parkinsons. No one : knows why and the doctor is off until Monday. : : They brought her dinner and she asked me to open the little tub of butter, : which she then ate with a spoon and ate her crackers (getting crumbs all : over because she was shaking so much), but not much else. : : She was reaching behind her in the bed and when she moved her hand back in : front, it was covered with feces. Feces were all over the bed, her clothing : and her back. Goddess knows how long it had been since her diaper had been : changed. She's reverted to not calling for the aide or the nurse when she : has to go. : : She doesn't look good and she's slipped backwards in a matter of days. I : believe it's now only a matter of time before she leaves me. : : On a brighter note, I got my car title in the mail yesterday and Fancy is : now mine, all mine! : : And THE doctor bought a tubular netted necklace from me! : : Linda2 : : :

That is what I have heard about nursing homes...isn't that sad? I don't think that they mean to be lax, I just think that it must be so difficult to find people to care for people at the wages they pay.

My parents' most fervent wish was that they would never have to go to a nursing home. Thankfully, we never had to wrestle with that decision...my mom stood up to get an aspirin, and dropped dead of a cerebral hemorrahge and my dad died peacefully (we believe) of lung cancer 11 months after her.

It's only been two years for my mom, and one for my dad, and we thank our God everyday for His kindness that they were able to go so quickly.

I wish for your mom, that her passage be swift, painless and peaceful, and that you know peace.

And when you do get a good nurse, like we have done with Olga ( I cannot rave about this nurse enough, she is awesome and has already gotten a thank-you bracelet), they are overworked, underpaid and stressed out.

Olga does her job *and* stands in for the invisible aides who never are around when they're needed. She takes my mom to the bathroom, cleans her up, feeds her and does all the "aide things" as well as the nurse details. If I could afford to hire her to take care of mom 24-7 I would in a heartbeat. Olga CARES and that makes all the difference in the world.

With all the billions of dollars being spent by this country to assist smaller nations, you'd think someone somewhere in the government would make an attmept at bettering health care for our elderly. The Florida lottery supports education. Billions of dollars and the kids still have a problem with the FCAT testing. Set aside a small portion of that lottery fund towards regulating and controlling care in nursing homes.

Off my soapbox for the nonce.

Linda2

We found out what was causing the slip-back. Due to the diligence of the one excellent nurse, Olga, at the nursing home, it was discovered that mom has a bladder infection. They've started her on a course of Levaquin. She had a temp of 101.5 and her blood sugar was 535, possibly caused by the fever and infection. The fever was making her feel cold so she was shivering. She responded to the nurse last night, answering questions appropriately, although her appetite was not so good.

Going to visit this morning with some new clothes. She needs pants and socks. She said she wants to have her birthday dinner at her apartment on the 19th so I will be cooking each course and pureeing her portion. I've invited her best friend and of course, my brother and his wife.

Thansk for all your messages and concern. You all are the best.

Linda2

Linda2, I'm glad to hear this was spotted. Soon, she'll be feeling much better, I'm sure. Sarajane

Sarajane's Polymer Clay Gallery

view my auctions at:

This grates on me every single day.

Oh, Linda2, you're in my thoughts and prayers! It's good to hear even this slight improvement. I hope that trend continues, and that Olga continues to be someone you can depend on. She sounds like a treasure.

This must be so hard for you. :-(

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

-Susan in VA

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Christina Peterson" :

]The best you can do is just love her. She'll know.

SECOND!!!!!!!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Lisa" :

]My parents' most fervent wish was that they would never have to go to a ]nursing home.

we did this for my grandparents. it was my father's fear, too. unfortunately, the MDs refused to let us bring him home.

it is such a blessing to be able to do that.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

The trick with a non-resuscitation order, is that if you call 911 or the hospital, THEY are obliged to do everything they can, and the order can't release them from their obligation.

Tina

"vj" wrote

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Christina Peterson" :

]The trick with a non-resuscitation order, is that if you call 911 or the ]hospital, THEY are obliged to do everything they can, and the order can't ]release them from their obligation.

yes, i know. but that wasn't the problem. we couldn't get him off the ventilator long enough to convince them to let us bring him home, where he wanted to be. he hated hospitals with a passion. he didn't WANT the surgery - he wanted to come home and be allowed to go in peace. my brothers over-ruled him.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

On Sun, 5 Oct 2003 19:02:09 -0400, Christina Peterson wrote (in message ):

Hospice told us that. We were specifically insructed that when my MIL died, that we were not to call the police, 911 or the funeral home. We were to call hospice and hospice alone, so they could declare her death without having to attempt resuscitation.

We had a hell of a time keeping DH's brother from calling 911 when his mother lapsed into her final coma. He was absolutely convinced that we were "killing her," and that if he could just get her to the hospital, everything would have been fine. (Specifically, he thought I was somehow hurting her by giving her the morphine she needed at the end) He never did believe me, but the hospice nurse told him that his mother was likely already gone, but that the hospital would keep her body going on a respirator for quite some time. He finally gave up on getting her to the hospital, thank God.

I cannot say enough kind things about hospice. They made it possible for me to keep my MIL home for the last month or so of her life by providing pain medicine, oxygen, a hospital bed, and the advice and support I needed. It was 100% free to us (although we did make a good sized memorial donation), and having the nurse there every day was incredibly helpful. They let us know exactly what was happening, what my MIL was feeling, and let us make her comfort our priority. We were able to give her that spoonful of chocolate ice cream at 2 a.m. when she asked for it, she could have the little dog on her bed for as long as she wanted, and she could have pain relief on her schedule, not some arbitrary one written by a doctor. The people that work there are saints, and I'd kiss their feet anytime.

Kathy N-V

My friend Deb had a hospice nurse her last few weeks, and it made it possible for her to pass out of this world the way *she* wanted to.

They are indeed amazing people. A calling to care for the dying is entirely different from a calling to heal the living, and is not to be underrated.