Terribly OT opinions requested...

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Christina Peterson" :

]Now let me ask you something. You mention people wanting children ](including mixed race) and not being able to get them while children are ]bounced from foster home to foster home. Is this actually a common ]scenario? Children (without a behaviour problem that would interfere with ]placement, or living semi-involved parents, eg, in jail or rehab) are not ]being allowed to be adopted?

Tina, i haven't seen anyone with more info answer your question, but it has been my understanding that yes, this is indeed the case.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Seems to be!

I wish I had some tips to help you with this... I struggle with guilt and feelings of inadequacy most of the time, with regards to my parenting. I question myself constantly... Do I spend enough time with them? Should I have given in/not given in to whatever it was they were whining for? Why doesn't my son eat dinner? Is my daughter getting enough one-on-one time? Should I have asked for full custody?

The only thing I can say about your guilt over working away from the home is that your son is with a loving, full-time parent. If your husband was working outside of the home, would your son miss him? Yes, of course he would! Would your husband feel guilty? Of course not; our society only punishes women, not men, for being providers.

How ridiculous!

Tina

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Christina Peterson" :

]How ridiculous!

absolutely. but the militants have made it so.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Yes, send those children to Ohio. In Ohio, both single people and single gay people can adopt. We will raise anyone's kids if you let us. Not that we are doing such a hot job of it, mind you. I spend 1/2 of my working time typing evaluations for the kids in the system, either foster care or DH, and they are not having a lot of fun right now.

Becki "Here in Alaska we call a shovel a shovel and a c*ck a c*ck" -- C.T.P.Peterson

And can you imagine even our Kathy

Ah, but I did. Not with P/T D, but with DD (who has a list of special needs as long as your arm) while taking care of my mother-in-law, who was dying of cancer. DH and I were separated at the time (I got custody of his parents), so I got to be a single parent for a while, too.

It was a freaking nightmare. I functioned for years on about 2 hours sleep a night, and often less. I used to fantasize about my doctor's office calling me, saying that I suffered from exhaustion and needed about four weeks of bedrest. (Did you ever notice that only famous people get hospitalized for exhaustion?) At one point, I imagined up a potion that could substitute for sleep, and dreamed of making it a manditory treatment for all new mothers.

I worked up until I had DD (well until Friday -- I had the bambina over the weekend, and worked remotely from the hospital on Monday), worked from home until I went back into the office when she was 8 weeks old. Fortunately, DH's long time secretary was resigning at about the same time, because her day care was more than her take home pay. She cared for DD and her own two sons for almost two years, then DD went to preschool. My brother's wife was the director of the preschool, so I lucked out there as well.

My heart goes out to single parents. It's a tough, tough life; from what I saw of it. And I know I had it relatively easy -- I made enough money that we weren't living hand to mouth, and I could afford quality child care. Still, it was no picnic.

Kathy N-V

I agree absolutely with this. Continuity and care and feeling like family are more important than merely looking like your adoptive parent(s).

Deirdre

I'll go for this. I think there isn't any human activity where the outcomes aren't improved by people doing it consciously, instead of according to their programming.

Deirdre

True, but it still takes time to adjust. I have been home after school for my son for 5 years and I know the routine, I know that you have to fish around in his school bag to find school notices under half eaten sandwiches. I know which days he needs to wear his sports uniform. There's a multitude of stuff that 'just happened' when I was in charge. I'd say that only now, after 6 months, has Brook got the hang of all those little things that make life in general run smoothly. There have been one or two disasters along the way. I'm not blaming him and I certainly don't take it out on him. It's all part of the learning curve, but it still adds to the stress levels.

One of the things I do like about Brook being the main care giver is that he has handed a lot more responsibilty to our son along the way. At 10 years old, I can see he is ready for it. I was much more inclined to do everything for him.

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Marisa Cappetta :

]One of the things I do like about Brook being the main care giver is that he ]has handed a lot more responsibilty to our son along the way.

LOL. yeah, men tend to be like that.

and i love the "you have to fish around in his school bag to find school notices under half eaten sandwiches." boy, does THAT bring back memories!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 1:41:02 -0400, vj wrote (in message ):

The best (or worst) example I remember was when Arnold A. left a sardine sandwich on the classroom windowsill over Christmas vacation when I was in the sixth grade. Granted, we're in New England, and it was wintertime - but Man, did that stink!

I'm staying up tracking DD's flight. She's supposed to land in about an hour or so. I'll wait for her to call then zonk out for the night.

Kathy N-V

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :

]I'm staying up tracking DD's flight. She's supposed to land in about an hour ]or so. I'll wait for her to call then zonk out for the night.

it's good to know i'm not the only one that does things like that.

Johnny has even taken to calling me at night to let me know, "I'm home now, Mom."

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :

]The best (or worst) example I remember was when Arnold A. left a sardine ]sandwich on the classroom windowsill over Christmas vacation when I was in ]the sixth grade. Granted, we're in New England, and it was wintertime - but ]Man, did that stink!

well, when we cleaned DD#1s room, to move, there was 1/2 a mouse under her bed. [mouse was after candy she kept sneaking into her room - family cat left 1/2 for her]

then there was the chemistry experiment with eggs . . . she had it sealed in Tupperware, forgot about it. when she remembered, she was afraid to say anything, and just stuck it under her bed. found it in a "cleaning to move" moment, too. **sigh** the Tupperware DID keep the smell in, tho.

Jamie and Johnny managed to do equally outrageous things.

surprisingly, they went from being outrageous slobs as teenagers to being fanatic housecleaners as adults [of course, when they were in their own places]. well, Johnny is still working on it, but he's getting there!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

It's late Saturday afternoon here in Aus. If you're awake early on Saturday morning, odds on I'll be around if you need some one to talk to!

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Marisa Cappetta :

]It's late Saturday afternoon here in Aus. If you're awake early on Saturday ]morning, odds on I'll be around if you need some one to talk to!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

I am awake!!!

It is almost 1am Saturday

Nicole

Marisa Cappetta wrote:

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Nicole @ Black Cat Beads" :

]I am awake!!! ]It is almost 1am Saturday

HEY, sweetie!!!!!!!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Hey there...

Whatcha doin up late? I am sorting out the new Bali Silver shipment I just got in.

Nicole

vj wrote:

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Nicole @ Black Cat Beads" :

]Hey there... ]Whatcha doin up late?

typing - what else???

]I am sorting out the new Bali Silver shipment I just got in.

you are VERY wicked and evil! you've got me hooked on the stuff!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)