Terribly OT opinions requested...

Good kid!! I hope Courtney will be that thoughtful when she's on her own.

Carol in SLC My eBay auctions:

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 10:17:51 -0400, Carol in SLC wrote (in message ):

My DD called a little while ago from Germany. She had a wonderful flight, and says that my Tante's new home is wonderful. She sounded very tired but very happy.

And I'm very tired too, so off I go for a nap. ;-)

Kathy N-V

I'm sorry, but that's just plain bizarre. If they're living on their own, how are you even going to know they're out late? Do you plan to make them still check in their every move with Mama?

Celine

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@aol.comnospam (Carol in SLC) :

]Good kid!! I hope Courtney will be that thoughtful when she's on her own.

yeah, he is that. it's mostly just on Friday and Saturday nights, but it sure makes me feel better!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@mindspring.com (Lee S. Billings) :

]I'm sorry, but that's just plain bizarre. If they're living on their own, how ]are you even going to know they're out late? Do you plan to make them still ]check in their every move with Mama?

*smile* you'd have to know Johnny. he's not really comfortable with being on his own yet. he gets homesick a lot. and i think more than anything, he's just calling to say "good-night".

he's the youngest. and i think Jamie gave him a lecture before she went to boot camp about "keep an eye on Mom"

whatever his reasons, it's not something i EXPECT him to do. it's something he does voluntarily - especially on nights i know he is going to a concert or party.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

I don't think it's bizarre, I think it's respectful. (With exceptions, of course!) I called my parents nearly every day for the first year I was on my own - not a "check in and out" type of call - just a "how are you" call that also let them know I was still alive. Also, it was useful in the "how do I cook this" and "how do I clean that" categories for me. Now, I'm almost 40 years old, live 2500 miles away and will still call to let them know I'm home safely if I've mentioned to them a trip or other excursion where I know they might worry. And they would. Worry, that is. I generally talk to them at least once a week and I still call out of respect, or out of need for a recipe! But when I do things like rafting the Colorado river, I don't tell them about it at all, until after I'm back!!!! LOL

Suedo (like "pseudo", though I'm no phony baloney!)

it at all, until after I'm back!!!<

That's cuz you are a *wonderful* daughter, Sue! Yep, I would definitely be worried sick about a rafting trip, LOL!

Carol in SLC My eBay auctions:

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@aol.com (Sue Lund) :

] But when I do things like rafting the Colorado river, I don't tell them about ]it at all, until after I'm back!!!! LOL

gods, yes. i've gotten those kinds, too!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

My first official "me too" post

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Christina Peterson" :

]There is ]nothing wrong with either approach, so let's not attack each other. OK?

that would be nice.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

After nearly 4 years of marriage we still have dinner once a week with my parents (most weeks, sometimes they're away). With DH being self-employed we generally don't have time for trips away unless he's working - the Easter break was spent working on the house.

I understand how you feel, it used to annoy me too when people said, "You don't know anything about parenting". I had my son later in life. I miscarried one as well and the emotional pain of that was indescribable.I thought I knew enough about kids and parenting because I too have a brain eyes and ears. I was wrong. It's different when they are your own in ways that are not possible to fully explain, but I'll give it a shot.

For me, it was like something fundamental changed in my brain. I felt as though I had passed the baton and that my life was not just about me any more. I stopped fearing death except in the sense that I needed to live long enough to see my son to an age when he knew enough about me to be emotionally secure. When I see my son and husband drive off together to get ice cream or go fishing, I think to myself, "My whole world is in that car". It frightens me in a way I never felt before I had my son, the fear of something happening to him brings me out in a cold sweat and turns my legs to jelly.

Having examples played out in front of you is not the same as confronting those same situations personally. I surprised the hell out of myself at how I handled various parenting issues.

Having experience before you have kids is a definate advantage though. I knew what I was getting into in terms of the commitment and constant vigilance that is required. What I couldn't fully fathom before-hand was the emotional investment. No matter how old your kids are, that doesn't change. I've seen that with Brook's adult kids. He tries not to live in their pockets, but it is very hard on him, not knowing how they are doing, what they are thinking on a daily basis. Frankly, it scares me when I realise that parenting is a life time event and I will always live with the fear of something happening to them, it is a burden that will never go away and one I can't willingly put down. Everyone handles it differently.

From experience I don't think you can compare writing a character and understanding how it feels to be a parent. I've done both and they are vastly different experiences. Writing is an intellectual excercise. When I hold my son, I can feel the natural dopamine being released into my body. Writing doesn't do that for me.

In no way is this intended as derogatory, Celine. You seem very angry about this issue, it's important to you. I felt you deserved as best an explanation as I could give and I mean it with all respect for your feelings.

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Marisa Cappetta :

]It's different when they are your own in ways ]that are not possible to fully explain

amen. and you did a beautiful job with the explanation.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.

I'm not sure if it was an impulse so much as early childhood care extended beyond it's useful life; I was happy to do it and my son was more than happy to let me!! To my great surprise I developed a huge nurturing instinct upon the birth of my son. I didn't even feel that strongly when I was pregnant, which worried me, I thought I was going to be a terrible mother; it happened when I first saw him.

I wouldn't say that I've spoon fed him, exactly. There are things I just didn't realise he was capable of. In some cases, he is not all that pleased that I realise it now! And in some cases, he tries to push that realisation to its limits, like getting in my BIL's Suzuki 4WD at the farm and planning to go for a little drive. I intervened in that little expedition before he turned the key!!!

I'm sure he was...

... and I understand wanting to be of service to those who are dear to us. I am one who came rather late to the realization that I might be interfering with their natural development by being -too- serviceable. These days I am much more inclined to back off and give people space to grow. And also to avoid taking the initiative too often, so they learn that they can't always wait for someone else to plan things out for them, and that there are advantages to doing things for oneself, in exactly one's own way.

Deirdre

I wish I had that good a relationship with my mom. My best friend does with hers, and though, at 34, she doesn't call her mom every night anymore, it really helped her form a secure sense of adult independence while retaining the family connection and not feeling isolated and lonely, or doing that thing that it seems everyone else I know did, of moving back in with their parents several times before finally heading out on their own for real.

Me too, most likely. That how come I've been married three times... it took a certain level of maturity before I understood what my father meant by "If you want to know how a man will treat you, look at how he treats his mother".