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Greek ... for Man With A Beard ... which at one time or another also came to mean Philosopher.
It's In The Beginning time. We're scurrying about ... catching rabbits ... killing mammoths ... wrestling mastodons ... and letting our beards grow as nature intended. Besides ... women liked to gaze upon our hairy faces whilst skinning a saber-tooth in order to make a handsome dress for the big bash this weekend.
And then came taxes. Yup. You got it folks. It is because of taxes that we gave up our beards. I ask you this as an aside ... is there a species as nuts as the humans? Here's what happened.
Because beards continued to grow after trimming ... they were considered to be of divine origin. And so it was considered unlucky to cut it lest the clippings fall into the wrong hands ... like the devil himself for instance. As time passed as it is wont to do ...beards began to be powdered and perfumed for gala affairs. And gold was often intertwined for that oh so mod look of wealth.
And then came Elizabethan England and a queen who devised a quaint way of creating additional income for her coffers. By George ... with all those beards on the faces of all those men ... it was time to tax the bloody things. That's right. You got hair on your face ... you pay taxes pal. I find it a wonder that she didn't extend her inspections and tax any and all hair on the body. But that aside ... frugality reigned ... and rather than pay a levy for facial hair ... men began to shave. Three cheers I say. Three cheers for another maddening march to ridiculousness.
In Mesopotamia ... beards were considered a sign of strength and masculinity ... and so only the kings were allowed to grow long ones.
In the eleventh century ... a fellow by the name of Saint Paul came along and said: "If a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him." This little statement promoted a new practice in which attacks were suddenly foisted upon innocent passers by who then had their beards hacked off.
It was an on and off thing ... this business of facial hair. Francis I of France grew a beard in order to hide a scar on this face ... and the fad took off ... and soon everybody was sporting facial hair.
Peter the Great of Russia felt a little differently. He ordered an edict proclaiming that anyone sporting a beard in public without being able to show a tax receipt would have his beard cut off on the spot. Shave your face ... save your rubles. On the other hand ... if you're a Sikh ... you are forbidden to shave or cut any body hair. On the other hand ... Saint Wulfstan--Bishop of Worchester--commanded all to shave their beards or go to hell.
In Basque they say--and I tend to understand this thinking--they warn to beware of men without beards and women with them.
And then there's the practical side to shaving ... instituted by Alexander the Great--I suspect this is the true reason men shave-- dear old Alex ordered his troops to shave their beards in order to ensure the enemy could not grab the men by the hairs of their chinny chin chins ... and to further ensure that the enemies inability to grab one's facial hair would make it more difficult for said enemy to decapitate said soldier.
And so ... as I end my refrain ... leaving you with the comfort of knowing that many of you now know more about beards than you had ever hoped to know before ... I bring your attention to a golden brooch of ... of ... yup ... you guessed it ... a man with a beard. It's quite attractive you know. Absolutely worth a look-see.
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And there ya have it. That's it for this week folks. Catch you all next week. Benjamin Mark
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