For a few for youse guys!!
Fred
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now
I've got a mind like a .. a... what's that thing called?
If it glows, don't touch it
If it walks out of the refrigerator, let it go!
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Practice safe eating always use condiments
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
Young at heart. Slightly older in other places.
8 of 10 people suffer haemorrhoids the other 2 enjoy them.Moderation in all things should be practised sparingly.
If you do drink and drive you might as well smoke too.
Where do you go to catch anorexia?
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
By the time you reach 75, you've learnt everything. Problem is trying to remember it. And you remember when beer was three cents a loaf
You can live longer as long as you give up everything that makes you want to live longer
Some of the happiest years of a woman's life is when she 29
Where have I been for all of your life? Well for half of it I wasn't born
The number of people at your funeral can depend on the weather
Notice that people die in alphabetical order every day?
The cost of funerals has risen by 20% due to the high cost of living
Guns don't kill people... but they make it real easy.
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
Water + malt + hops + yeast = satisfaction
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is a balanced diet
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born or after they are dead.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Sleep is a totally inadequate substitute for caffeine.