Another Baby Quilt gone unappreciated?

Remember poor Shelly and her neighbor's treatment of the baby quilt?? Well my situation is similar, the difference is that I'm pretty sure I am going to have to do something, I just don't know what. (man, I violated most of those grammar rules with THAT sentence)

One of my best friends lives in a city 3 hours away. I speak with her frequently by phone. Her daughter lives in a city in another part of our state so it's not like my friend sees her every day or anything.

Ok, 3 weeks ago, I finished my very first quilt. It was nothing fancy, I didn't do any hand work on it or anything. I just really wanted to do something nice for my friend's first grandbaby. I didn't tell her about it while I was making it, I wanted it to be a surprise. And it was a really cute pastel green and yellow 9-block. I enjoyed making it.

So, I boxed up this quilt and sent it off to the new baby with a note telling her who I was (I have met the mom, briefly). I explained that this was not an heirloom or anything and that it was a quilt to be used and abused.

It will be 3 weeks Wednesday that I mailed it and I haven't heard a thing. Not from the parents and not from my friend. And it's just really not like them. They acknowledged their wedding gifts 2 years ago really fast. And I haven't spoken with my friend since I sent the quilt, so what if something's wrong with somebody??? I dread having to ask about it because it will be sure to cause embarrassment all around. I know how stressful it is with a newborn in the house. But I am going to have to know whether they received it or not. I insured the package although how can you insure a quilt???? You can't put a dollar amount on it.

So how much longer do you think I should wait? And should I call my friend and ask her first? God, I hate these situations.

Thanks, guys, I value your opinions and I know you got 'em.

Cindy

Reply to
teleflora
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I would call your friend and ask. Three weeks is no time at all with a newborn in the house. It's hard enough to remember to shower, let alone acknowledge gifts. Wedding presents are different - you aren't usually so sleep-deprived after you get married. :-)

Reply to
frood

I had a similar situation 5 years ago. My best friend's niece (who we fed and diapered when she was a baby) had a baby girl. I made a framed cross stitch announcement. My friend gave me the address and I sent it. I never heard one word from her. My friend was very embarrassed at the bad manners. Now I never spend that much time on anything unless I am sure it will be appreciated. Don't get me wrong, I do not need feet kissing, just a nice thank you sufficient. I realy does hurt though. Linda

Reply to
Nana2B

Cindy, drop them a short note asking how the baby is doing and would they mind taking a picture of the baby on the quilt you sent so you can post it on your website or add it to your quilting album or something like that. That way you'll find out if they received it without putting them in an awkward position if they feel badly for not acknowledging the gift.

Reply to
AliceW

Ring her and see how she's doing. Then casually ask if she received the package you sent her. That should ease some of the embarassment.

Reply to
Sharon Harper

If you insured it, does that make it trackable? Try tracing it first - it may be 'missing in post'! If it doesn't appear to be missing, then ask your friend.

Reply to
Kate Dicey

We place entirely too much trust in the post office. I recently sent a squishie to someone and didn't hear anything for quite a while. So with trembling fingers, I sent her an email to ask if it had arrived. And it hadn't! How would we have ever cleared that up if I couldn't have brought myself to ask the embarrassing question? A couple of days later, the errant squishie returned to me, so it was OK in the end. But your package might be lost in the postal black hole -it happens! Roberta in D

Reply to
Roberta Zollner

If it helps any--I am STILL waiting for the Christmas Envelope that my Mom sent from MI to CA 2001 (no the $20.00 check has NOT been cashed--so it is STILL floating out there somewhere in this great big world--if'n the PO would have opened it--they would have found both her and my addys inside)

A S K

just simply ask--so it might 'ruin the initial surprise' but it really does NOT..... the person on the receiving end will be mightily pleased that you thought enuf of them to SEND them something....and you won't be left wondering if they ever received it ; )

And those of you that HAVE received but do NOT know who sent it--a quick note > We place entirely too much trust in the post office. I recently sent a

Reply to
Butterfly

Wasn't she just!!!

Suzie B (glad to have made someone's day!)

-- "From the internet connection under the pier" Southend, UK

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Reply to
Paul & Suzie Beckwith

I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the suggestions people gave to how to approach the issue, I must say that calling up a family with a new born baby and wasting their time transparently fishing for thank yous is a million billion JILLION times tackier than simply being late with a thank you in the first place!!!!!! The whole point of gifts is cheerful generosity, no strings attached...once the gift is given the ball is in the other person's court. Trying to coax acknowledgement out of people just makes you look graceless and self-centered.

Reply to
Tara Henderson

You know, you make this sound like a venal witch hunt or begging for compliments. She sent a gift. She'd like to know it arrived. Since she didn't attach a return-receipt, she really doesn't have a way of knowing whether it indeed was received.

This doesn't negate her generosity since she isn't asking for a quid pro quo, all she wants to know is has the gift arrived. I don't think she is out of line, although as noted in earlier emails, a new baby generates a lot of stress and it is understandable that they may be tardy in getting some acknowledgement out.

Frankly, from the tone of your email, I can't imagine you doing much of anything with "cheerful" generosity - there was nothing cheerful OR generous about your response.

R> I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the

Reply to
Ronnie Wexler

While I tend to agree with you that one should be unattached when giving a gift, I do not think it is too much to expect a thank you. I gave my then 16 year old niece a wonderful twin sized bed quilt for Christmas one year (I drew her name). She did not bother to thank me, and I would not know that she had even received the quilt if I had not seen it on her bed while visiting my sister. I did not try to "coax acknowledgment out of her," however, my niece has not received another gift from me and is unlikely to do so in the future.

lisae

Tara Henders> I'm glad you did finally get a thank you, but in response to all the

Reply to
Lisa Ellis

Yeah, and that's why I don't wanna do it. But if they never got it in the first place, then I do want to know that.

Cindy

Reply to
teleflora

I think it's just plain common courtesy on the recipients part to acknowledge that the gift was received........via phone call, walk over and say thanks, or drop them a note in the mail, as soon as possible after you get the gift. Tackiness, to me, is not acknowledging the giver and letting them know that the gift was received intact and in one piece without damage. A simple "thanks" takes only a second. That is definitely not too much for even a new parent to handle. Shelly

Reply to
Shelly

I'm sure I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again.

When I was 16, my grandmother sent me a check. I deposited it and neglected to thank her. She waited a year for my birthday again, then told me to my face and with real bitterness in her voice, that I hadn't thanked her the previous year which is why I wasn't getting anything that year. I was stung. There was nothing I could do except apologize vainly. She was right; I was wrong; that was that. She never mentioned it again. It has been 30 years, and I've never forgotten a thank-you note since. A lesson like that, hard though it was, is the best gift I could have gotten.

My point: Don't just stop giving your niece gifts. Make the gift even more special. Risk her anger by explaining. It might be the nicest thing you ever do for her.

--Lia

Lisa Ellis wrote:

gift, I do not think it is too

twin sized bed quilt for Christmas

know that she had even received

not try to "coax acknowledgment

unlikely to do so in the future.

Reply to
Julia Altshuler

Since things are too often lost in the mail, I felt she was just trying to find out whether it ever arrived or not - not asking for a huge big thank you.

Reply to
Donna in Idaho

Actually, tracking just tells you it was delivered. Not necessarily to the right person. Unless you ask for a signature, it isn't guaranteed.

Reply to
LN (remove NOSPAM)

Oh please... let's not start getting all negative again. She was just stating that it could be a faux pas. Put the claws back in. Meow!

Reply to
LN (remove NOSPAM)

I don't think she was saying it ISN'T tacky to not thank someone (there! a double negative). I think she was just saying it was tacky to go the passive agressive route. If they didn't thank, they didn't. That's then their problem. Not that I agree in all cases. I think children should be taught. Adults, well, they should have been, but it may not be up to you to teach them. Maybe it is. Depends on your relationship to the person.

In the case where you didn't personally hand someone the gift and you aren't sure they received it, I think it is perfectly ok to ask. If you did hand it over, then you know they have it and they just have no manners. (or their thank you got lost in the mail.... but then, a double thank you never goes unappreciated. Thank by phone and again by mail.)

Reply to
LN (remove NOSPAM)

gift, I do not think it is too

sized bed quilt for Christmas

know that she had even received

try to "coax acknowledgment

unlikely to do so in the future.

I sent gifts to my sister's kids in Alaska and my brother's kids in Oregon for years - all hand-made stuffed animals and dolls and things. It was cheaper to spend my time making things (lightweight things) to post overseas than spending money on some plastic toy and shipping that over. All I wanted to know was if it arrived by Christmas - I know that is important to small children. Very rarely did I ever find out whether it had arrived (much less get a thank you). I don't think you can do the signature required post by international mail. This experience was draining, and after several years of sending boxes of homemade things to my brother (our mother sewed all of our clothes and toys, so he isn't ignorant of how much time is involved) I got tired of this situation and stopped sending things to my brother. My sister put the kids on the phone at their birthday (niece June 11th, niece June 14th) one year and my niece told me how much she liked the doll I had sent her. That made me feel that it hadn't been a waste of time after all. This niece and nephew are 10 and 15 respectively (though Melissa is

10 going on 40) and I send them books now, and sewing things for Melissa who seemingly was inspired by my last visit, etc. But for those who say giving should be something the giver does independent of the recipient's reaction, I would say that giving repeatedly with no acknowledgement that the gift even arrived, much less was received, is a very draining experience. No one likes to feel that they are taken for granted.

-- Jo in Scotland

Reply to
Johanna Gibson

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