OT: Christina in OK

She posted here about some severe health problems, and got "talked to" about saying too much. She was very hurt, and left the group.

Is anyone still in touch with her? I hope she's okay, it sounded abusive to me, the situation with her husband and all.

Karen, Queen of Squishies

Oh no. Poor baby. I encouraged her to seek real help, but I also recognize taht sometimes these online communities are the only real outlet some folks have. And often the safest, considering the situation on the ground. If anyone is in Oklahoma or has an idea where Christina is, maybe it would be a good idea to contact her. If you don't want to, send me an email directly and I'll see what I can do. I'm not in Oklahoma, but I would be glad to send a private email to try to open lines of communication.

Sunny

Karen, Queen of Squishies wrote:

Hi Sunny I don't know what I can do to help, but I live in OK. Email me privately if you want to talk about it.

Karen

Maybe her husband found the group and saw what she posted about him. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened (if I recall correctly there was a divorce involved in the last one). Or remember the one who lost her job because she posted too much confidential information about her job and her employer found out? And for that matter, this wasn't the first time (or the second, or the third) that Christina's stormed out in a huff because someone said something she didn't like.

Posting to a PUBLIC forum with deeply personal information that you don't want people in RL to know is a BAD idea. Posting detailed gory descriptions of diseased body parts you wouldn't expose in public is inappropriate, to say the least. There are online support groups where posting that level of detail wouldn't be entirely out of place. If she can't take being told that, maybe she needs to grow up a little. We're not doing her any favor by encouraging her to behave this way with lovey-dovey-oochie-coos. Sooner or later it'll come back to bite her in the face.

I understand what you're saying, Rose. I wasn't criticizing what you said. I was explaining where she went, and I put "talked to" in quotes to communicate the directness and seriousness of your post. I agree that posting those kinds of things here can be dangerous.

Karen, Queen of Squishies

Geez, I didn't mean to stir all this up again.

I was just concerned because the squishee was refused - not undeliverable - refused.

Her email also bounced.

She seemed to have been in a lot of pain - both physically and emotionally.

I thought a squishee would help.

It seems to me, things must be worse than ever, if she or her DH is refusing packages and email is no longer working.

Tricia

I happen to agree with you Tricia. I'm really worried about her.

Yes, well, sadly, we're not all alike and we don't all react to things the same way. Some people do get their feelings hurt more easily than others. Perhaps even more so if they are stressed out because of health and $$$ issues.

But she *did* want people to know.

Posting detailed gory

It happens every day. Watch the Discovery or Health channel. Look at the periodicals section in any supermarket.

There are online support groups where

See above comment. We're not all alike.

We're

No but we ARE doing her a favor by trying to help her and not judge her.

Christina is doing okay, all things considered. Don't know anything about the package yet.

Karen, Queen of Squishies

Yeah, you'd like to think I'm just a nasty, cold-hearted bitch, wouldn't you? I couldn't possibly, you know, have a REASON for feeling stressed by that kind of post. "We're not all alike." That's for sure. I'm really glad that not everybody here has had to be the sole emotional support of a beloved mother while she died horribly and *painfully* of inflammatory breast cancer. I'm really glad that not everybody is so used up by the events of real life that they have to husband what little energy they have for the people they know in real life. I'm really glad that some people have the energy to be all lovey-dovey with people they don't know and will never meet and aren't traumatized by stumbling across gory stories of infected boobs and chemotherapy with their morning coffee.

But I'm not one of those latter. I had to watch my mother die slowly and horribly of that filthy disease and I'd rather not hear about it on a QUILTING newsgroup, thankyouverymuch. Until you watch, on a *daily*

*basis*, someone you love suffer from severe and unrelievable pain that you can't do anything about, you do NOT know how deeply it can break you. I make liberal use of the ignore-thread feature on my newsreader but it doesn't catch everything, and it's been made ABUNDANTLY clear to me that nobody should have to think about how their gory stories will hurt others who read them. Yes HURT others.

So think about THAT a little before you go judging me. I'm not the heartless, cold-hearted bitch you make me out to be. I'm a grieving daughter who would rather not have salt rubbed into the wound left by losing her mother in such a painful, horrible way. IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH?

Geez. You ladies claim to be such a friendly group but you'll attack at the slightest provocati> blackrosequilts wrote:

Thank you. I really didn't mean to restir the pot. I thought someone might have remained in touch with her, even though my email to her bounced.

I apologize to blackrosequilt, nicknames and anyone else I may have offended or hurt.

I'm glad to hear she is 'okay'.

Tricia

Karen, Queen of Squishies wrote:

How do you know the person you are replying to HAS NOT experienced something similar? =20

I'm sure many of us here have, including those of us who are concerned about Christina.

My DH and I watched his beloved dad die a horrible, painful and slow death - literally turned into a nothing but bones due to cancer. We miss him terribly. My mom died of a subglottic stenosis - Google it; it's too terrible to even think about; she battled it for over a year after it was finally diagnosed but it had grown too much and treatments didn't work - and the treatments were horrible for her....

Sorry but now you are judging, too.

-Irene

-------------- You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.=20

--Mae West=20

--------------

I hadn't been, but I am starting to wonder.

(snip)

If you are that traumatized by other people's problems , you really should cancel your newspaper subscriptions and stay off the internet.

Everybody has a right to have feelings. Everybody has a responsibility to control how they react to their feelings. Your reaction to your feelings spattered acid over someone in a delicate state. Rather than owning up to having been harsh enough to hurt someone, you have been justifying yourself and trying to make people feel bad for you. I hate that. I really do. Granted, I think that Christina is extremely sensitive and easily hurt. However dear Rose, you could peel the paint off a barn with some of your responses. It was a match made in hell.

Everybody dies, everybody feels pain. Most of us here are old enough to have been adults in the 80's. Let me tell you what babykins, cancer is clean and pretty compared to AIDS. I would bet that there are few people here who have not seen the horrible ugly ways that disease can kill their loved ones. Nobody else feels the need to throw a hissy and complain that talking about such things is awful. Mostly they try and figure out if they can help. That is not your way, OK, no problem. Then move along and leave it alone. If it hurts don't read it. If you figure out that it is not something you should read in the middle of the post, stop and read something else. You are right, this isn't a quilting bee. If it were we would not talk about things that upset each others delicate sensibilities. This is a global forum that hundreds of people read and post to. Whats more, the people who post here are mostly tough. They can share the ugliness in their lives with each other and not flinch. Certainly there are exceptions, and I think everyone has particular topics that they must not read in order to preserve their own mental health. However have you ever noticed that you are the only one who ever jumps in and says "Don't talk about that!"

See, we have been here before with you Rose. Every now and again you take it into your head to be offended by something. Then when somebody turns around and says "Gosh that was harsh!", you go into defensive mode and tumpet for all to hear that _your_ feelings are what matter and piss on everybody else. We are all being judgemental if we don't give you the benefit of the doubt that you deny everyone else. If this was the first or even the second time you have done it I would have a lot more sympathy. But this is more like the fifth or sixth time.

NightMist Bear in mind that I dance the flonk and play with Discordians before you get any bright ideas.

*falls over laughing*

"TMI! WTMI!"

Yeah, that could really peel the paint off a barn. *giggle* *snort* *laugh*

You exaggerate. Nothing I've posted this year could "peel the paint off a barn" with the possible exception of yesterday's display of temper. And, my dear, I did apologize publicly for my peevishness last year.

Every time I point out that deeply personal detail is inappropriate, I get a chorus of email from people who feel the same way but don't want to make themselves a target by saying something.

Howdy!

I don't mind being a target, BR, but 10 yrs. experience here has taught me it doesn't matter if I say "TMI!!" Someone will take the time to tell me how insensitive and intolerant I am. Shoot, I get bitched at for saying "Change the Subject Line." ;-D I just laugh it off & keep going. Never did get the habit of Flouncing Off In A Huff (my mom would still slap me for trying). I did remind you that I repeat "Move the mouse" quite often when people don't want to read posts they don't like, 'cause saying "I don't wanna' read this kind of stuff here" will only get you more crap. ON THE OTHER HAND: funny (not very) how people who will tolerate those TMI posts and defend the writer's right to post them will jump all over someone who says "Too Much Info!" Tolerance isn't a 2-way street, huh? I used to sound off about the ads and spam posted on RCTQ. But, really, telling someone who's already posted "That isn't allowed!" is too late, and obviously not true: it's allowed, just not appreciated. I gave up being Hall Monitor, spend more time Finishing quilts. ;-D But I didn't give up voicing opinions. (The prez is an idiot.)

Post what you want. It's a public forum. My mouse moves easily.

Ragmop/Sandy--allowing Entourage to edit the rest of the post 'cause it's hot, it's hot, it's hot and I don't care to correct it 8->