OT Having an AGH! week

I take it that CPS = gov't = c.r.a.p. Did I follow you okay? There must be other places that offer shelter, support and guidance for victims of domestic abuse. You need better guidance than I can offer but what about the Salvation Army, a minister or an attorney? Of course, there's this - your daughter is probably at the age where nothing you say or suggest is going to make any difference. You just must get her attention. I wish I knew how. Polly

Prayers on the way. Email me off group. I tried to send email, but not sure it got there. I think I can help.

TerriLee in WA (state)

Actually AGH! might be putting it mildly.

From least to most dire:

My parents are at it again. They did not RSVP DD#2's wedding invitation, though they would have to travel over a thousand miles to attend. They just assumed that she knew they were coming. They do stuff like that, a lot. Since they had been talking like they were coming, she called them. Of course they are coming. They also actually asked if Vido could cometo the wedding too. Vido is my mom's Italian greyhound. Apparently they figured that since it is going to be outdoors and not "a proper church wedding" that it would be OK. Um, no. In fact the formal garden it is in prohibits dogs on the grounds. Well for a wonder they at least asked, and that is a great concession. I suggested to DD that she call them back and point out that this is not an informal occasion, otherwise they might show up in jeans.

The landlord's dependable, reasonably intelligent, and honest handyman has quit him. We discovered this when we had to call and get yet another leak in the plumbing fixed. So now we are back to delays, procrastination, and generally iffy maintenance til someone new is hired. I hope it is not another loadie or "hey I'll paint the whole darn house for a case of beer" kind of guy. I'm still looking for someplace new. However I am insisting on someplace better, so it is taking some time.

Ash has some sort of bug that is making him cranky and miserable. With a non-verbal kid that is tough. Fortunately he has learned that he can take our hands and put them where it hurts and say "Ow" and we get the message. So we know he has had a headache, his tummy is bothering him, and his throat hurts. It is obvious that his nose is stuffy and he has some digestive upset. This is keeping him out of school, and that always puts him out of sorts.

And DD#1's BF hit her. I darn near hit her myself when she weepingly explained how it was her fault. Some days I have to wonder if that child is a changeling. Of course she did not call the police, but I did get her to call her counselor. Who also could not get her to call the police. The counselor is taking steps to move her up on the waiting lists she is on though. The ones for help in getting child care, employment, housing, and etc. BF will not watch their baby while she works, so DD is unemployed. No job means no money which means no options. I did tell her, repeatedly, that the minute he laid hands on her she had a hundred and one places to go, including my house. But the way CPS is locally, she and a LOT of other women with children are afraid to go to a shelter. DD is afraid if she comes to stay with me that that will put both Damian and Ash at risk from CPS. So for the moment she is staying with Mr. Asshole, who is very very sorry. Really truly he is. AGH!

NightMist What do you mean it is only Tuesday?

If he did it once he'll do it again. Hopefully she wises up sooner then later. But I'm guessing she feels stuck. I totally get not wanting to get CPS involved. I would try Salvation Army as well. Short of that though I will keep you all in my prayers. Take Care Joanna Alberta

just popped in to see who was up to what here. wow, you got something to deal with there for sure. as oprah and many others say... if he hits you once, he'll hit you again. also men who hit women might also hit children. i dont give a flying whatever if he 'says' he is sorry. that is only to make him feel better. dont mean sh*t in my opinion. he needs help for his anger problem. dd needs to get out now, asap. take her kids and go. there are places that can help now. she needs only call the local police and they'll give her contact numbers for various places that can help her. wait no more, just do it!!! sending vibes full of strength for DD, you and all the kids. hugz, jeanne

Ditto on the prayers..... wish I could do more.

Hugs, Sunny

Good thoughts coming your way for what it's worth.

Wish I could help.

Hope the rest of your week is better!

Claudia

Gnnnnnng!

Still rooting for you on that score!

I understand how he feels, and how frustrating it must be for you all caring for him.

AAARRRGGGHHH!

Indeed. I got hit by a BF once (a VERY long time ago now - I was 19). I didn't hit back, I didn't call the police. By the time I finished TALKING to him, he wished I'd done both!

Can she not get him removed?

Wednesday now. Hopefully Wednesdays are better...

On Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:21:55 -0500, NightMist wrote (in article ):

(((HUGS)))

Maureen

I wish I could give you some ideas and/or advice, but I can't. I'm thinking of you, though.

Hugs and prayers are on their way to you and your son,...AND your daughter. She needs to get OUT of that situation. ME-Judy

So sorry to hear this about your daughter! kinda been there done that myself. Has she checked with city or county shelter's? It has nothing to do with DSH and yes, it will take kids. It's temporary housing (free) but it's a "long" temporary and they will even put you on their low income housing list.

Just a thought. Shelter's are not like they use to be. They're really quite nice.

Donna

I have long said that the only excuse for a man to hit a woman is if she hits him first. Even then, though she might deserve to be laid out, he is probably better off restraining her until he can get out.

I only ever had a BF hit me once too. Apparently all the fights he had ever been in ended after the first punch because he surely was not expecting that leg sweep, falling elbow to the ribs, or the kick in the kidneys he got. He also must have forgotten that my apartment door opened right onto the stairs. The tumble must have shaken his brains back into place because he didn't come back up the stairs. Seems he forgot I had been on the volunteer staff for a self defense seminar for lesbian and bisexual women less than three months before. Technically I should have run instead of throwing him down the stairs. But darn it it was MY apartment, and we were so close to the door...

Easier said than done. While my first thought was call the police she was right about not doing so, albeit indirectly. Any government involvement will automaticly involve social services, including a mandatory visit from CPS. In this county that puts you at a better than sixty percent risk of losing custody of your children if you are at or below poverty level. Better to take the lumps and figure out a better way.

NightMist

How HORRIBLE that your daughter's boyfriend hit her. You might want to point out that, even if he doesn't hit their child, just seeing daddy hitting mommy is extremely bad for the poor kid.

I will say a prayer to Erzulie Dantor for her and her child.

{{{HUGS}}}

Erin

Hi NightMist,

Jeez, the last one on your list IS certainly dire. The thing of it is, her BF probably really is genuinely sorry, but that doesn't mean he won't do it again. Women get really mixed up by this incongruity. When I worked at a medical clinic an acquaintance came in after her BF did more than hit her--he beat the crap out of her--and she still failed to understand that although he was sorry, he would do it again. (We didn't see each other often and I finally moved away, so I don't know what happened later.)

Okay, all this long lead-up is to a suggestion. Your daughter doesn't want to disbelieve that her BF is sorry. And because he probably really is nothing can make her not believe him. So if you've got a shot, explain to her that yes, he probably is truly sorry, but when he gets to the point that he can't cope, he will do it again. That just because he's sorry, doesn't mean that he's learned how to control his temper. They are two separate things.

If you can get her to see this, then maybe she'll work harder to try some of those options.

Somehow from what you're describing I doubt that Mr. Asshole would do this, but how about joint counseling?

Sorry for your and your DDs problems. Wish I had something more to offer.

Michelle in NV