OT: Need Advice

1) Did you give any sign or indication that you agreed with the person's language/innuendos??

2) Did you verbally agree with that person's views?

3) And lastly, are you an actress or have you ever studied acting?

If your answers are "no" then I'm fair sure that your demeanor, combined with the fact that you steered the conversation away from that topic, would have gracefully implied that you did NOT agree or condone their views or attitude.

Most people think they've got a "poker face" in socially disturbing situations, but they rarely do. And I can't see you being able to bring yourself to "faking" agreement just for the sake of a sale.

But I do find it disturbin' that a quilter would make comments like you're alluding to ... quilters are the BEST people - but I guess this one was the exception to the rule. :(

Hugs!! Connie :)

Since I'm the owner, I have a bit more freedom in dealing with these things than an employee might feel. :)

While I haven't had the sexual-orientation slur come up, I have had the racial/ethnic slur come up on more than one occasion. My response has always been a polite "I'm sorry, but we don't allow that kind of language in here." All but one have been surprised, because they hadn't realized what they were saying. The one who wasn't surprised started to argue that he had a first amendment right to say what he wanted -- I told him that he certainly did, just as I had the right to toss him out of my store. Which I then proceeded to do.

My employees have also been told that this is how I expect them to handle this type of situation. Would they all have the gumption to do it? I'm not sure, but I hope they would, and they all understand that I'll back them

110% if they handle it this way.

Would my reaction have been different if it was a regular customer who spent quite a bit of money? Probably not, although I might have said "What on earth would make you say something stupid like that?" (hopefully phrased a little more politely) if it was someone I knew well. The way I figure it, everyone needs to be comfortable when coming in to my store, and I don't have any single customer who is worth more than losing a large number of other customers.

Why not ask your employer how he/she would prefer you respond to such situations. Personally -- I would probably speak up by saying something like "I can't believe you are using that word?" or something to that effect. It's hard to come up with just the right thing to say on the spot -- especially when it comes out of the blue like that!

Joan, was the slur directed at anyone in particular? or just a slang word used for that orientation? i would hope anyone in any public arena would mind their manners, however, not all people have good manners. I even know a few quilters that dont. it's a shame, but you did the right thing as far as i can judge from way over here in snowy NYS!

amy in CNY

Y'know, Amy, you can stop braggin' about your snow ... I've not seen (or played in) snow for a good 6 years - I'm *JEALOUS*!!!

Hugs!! Connie in hot (again), humid FL :) (Hopin' Amy will be so kind as to send a few flurries our way!!)

>

Honey! you can come and get it!! you can have it ALL!!! LOL! I am sick of it already and it isnt even winter yet!!! LOL! the only good thing about it is it makes a nice picture! amy in (giving it all away to Connie) snowy CNY

Are you serious??!! It's sooooo beautiful, makes everything look so clean, and is so .... Christmas-y!!! I would kill for some snow - I'd be grateful for just one measly inch! I'd even take 4 feet of snow - just to have some snow!!!

But then, I'm a country girl from the mountains transplanted to the low, flat beach-y area of Florida.

And I know that snow makes people drive like loons, but trust me, we have the looney drivers here year-round - but without the pretty snow to look at and play in.

*sigh*

Hugs!! Connie (in still hot and humid FL) :) (Hoping to trade to some white snow for some white sand - yes, our sand is white as snow, but it just doesn't make as good a snowball!!)

yeah, pretty as a postcard. we still get crazy drivers, snowplows holding up traffic, cars off the roads, snowmobiles crossing the highways, at nite, in the dark, right in front of you, without a care in the world. not to mention, shoveling, and ...my personal favorite...the plows burying your mailbox. OH, yea...and try to remember all the outerwear. not to mention the additional underwear. i feel like Randy from "the Christmas Story". thank goodness for central heating and hot chocolate!!

amy in CNY (wishing she was in southern California with her kids)

I did speak with the store manager this morning. She said she would have had no problem with a response that indicated that I was personally offended by the customer's use of that word. I will rehearse a response in my mind, should this type of incident ever occur again.

joan

Howdy!

Joan, what do you wish you had done instead? Lower yourself to the customer's level of ignorance?

I'm thinking of a Miss Manners kind of answer, where you the listener would pause for a moment . . . and then change the subject. The foul-mouthed gets the message and you have saved face while making your point: "That slur is not acceptable to me." Correcting the customer might have put a bad light on you, unless you are the Language Police.

Let it go.

You didn't say the word, you don't use it, no one will assume you endorsed its use.

~~~~~~~~~

For those of you who want to talk about snow or whatever else, PLEASE change the subject line. Or start another one. Thank you.

R/Sandy -- Oy! Retail!

I thought of you a lot the last couple of days Joan. I hope you didn't personally know anyone involved in the mall shootings.

I think you did just fine. The fact that you quickly steered the conversation away, without further comment, said it all.

On a related note: While waitressing at a fancy Marina del Rey, CA restaurant (more years ago than I care to admit), I got to wait on a couple of guys like that. They were from out of town and when I was coming around to see if they wanted another round of drinks, they made a really rude comment about a nice couple sitting across the room. Something like they didn't serve those kinds where they came from and some reference to a noose. Nuff said? Boy was I mad! Well, when I came back to bring them their "round", I simply handed them their totalled check for their first round, no tip, and asked them to sign and leave. Stunned, they asked what they had done. I leaned in real close, with all my tall blonde charm (I said it was LONG ago!), and simply said, as quietly and sweetly as possible "This is California honey, and we don't serve your kind in here. Now please leave." The looks of shock were worth it. Of course, as just a "waitress", I did not have the authority to boot someone, but my bartender told me he'd back me up if came back to me. Bad folks are bad folks and they always get what's coming to them.

Lorraine

That's better than my story. I was serving a male customer who gave me a woman's card to pay. Now, he told me he knew the PIN code. But that wasn't the point, it wasn't his card. Period. I mean, now that I study law I really know what fraud is, and if you hand me a card that isn't yours, you can have it back but you can't pay with it. So. Then he said that Alison is a man's name in Scotland. Because I'm a dumb foreigner who will believe everything obviously. So I leaned in really close and said, "And, are you MRS Alison Stewart?" He paid with cash.

-- Jo in Scotland

That's true ... my hubby has a friend from Scotland named Allison.

But I can almost guaran-durn-tee you that if you doubted he is who he says he is, he'll pull out some other kind of identification as proof. And if you had told me my name is a man's name (which, it actually is - at least the nickname is), then you can be durn sure *I* would have pulled out some form of ID to prove I am who I say I am, man's nickname or not. :)

IOW, you did good! :)

And FTR, whenever *anyone* has asked me for proof regarding my identity, I provide it *gladly* ... it's for MY protection more than anyone else's. And having someone question my identity only makes me feel safe and secure. :)

hugs!! Connie :)

Joan, your response was perfect to let the customer know that her slur was unacceptable to you. You really can not take on the responsibility of your customers' bad manners - unless, of course, they are offending other customers. I began my 'work' life before I finished high school by typing and filing in a shipyard and my ears were scorched at a very early age. A simple pause followed by a change of subject is sufficient. In most cases, the customer will realize her language was unwelcome and not repeat the error. Kate D and I laughed one time about which of us had perfected the 'cold gray glare'; both claiming we could wilt at least 30 or 40 with one glance. You might practice in front of the mirror while you're doing your hair. Life is so dear and so brief. Don't worry about this event. You did just fine. Polly

joan wrote: in part>

Thank you, Polly. You're right. Life is too short as we've recently learned here in Omaha.

THE stare is a tactic I've used on both children and grands. I'm good at THE stare and could probably turn a customer into a pillar of salt in no time at all! It will make for an uncomfortable silence, but that's the point, isn't it?

And in the meantime, I'm making a store sample, using 36 2.5" strips of blue batik. What fun!

The good news is that My store will be carrying batiks very soon. I'll be in fabric heaven.

joan now :>

You might be in big trouble Joan. You'll owe them money after a week of work! :-) But it will be fun fun fun!

See, Joan ... there's that nasty ol' talent rearin' it's ugly head at you again!!

I can't do batiks ... I buy'em like crazy (them and hand-dyes - I went nuts at a Q Show years back and bought over $200 of the temptin' little boogers ... to say hubby was not pleased at my insanity is an understatement!!), but can't do a durn thing with them. I've got to have nice, stable, prints, plaids or solids. Batiks are just .... too free-spirited to live comfortably in my sewin' room full of sedate and somber calicos.

So to say that I'm jealous that you can not only love the boogers but can actually put'em to use ... is more of an understatement than I made above!! :)

Hugs!! Connie :) (who's wishing she had a tenth of Joan's talent - then maybe those batiks in my stash wouldn't be so durn lonely and dejected!!)