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OT: prayer request

I had a very tense discussion with my mother last night - tense because she called after 10pm and the only thing she said was, "Are you going to be up for a little while so I can call you when I get home?" OK, ever since we got married, my husband and I have had a "no calls after 10pm unless it's an emergency" rule - we got married in

1997 and there are 2 relatives who consistently break this rule....my mother and one of his brothers (his brother can't seem to remember the time difference...they are an hour ahead of us and he keeps getting it mixed up).

So, I reminded her of the rule and asked if someone was dying or ill or if she had wrecked her car again (she recently blacked out at the wheel and instead of calling me - THAT would be considered an emergency - she posted on FACEBOOK about it!!!!), she hung up on me.

I called her back and she gave me attitude about my response. I asked what was wrong and she said that she had gotten some news from her doctor. NOW, if she had said, "I have news from the doctor and I want to call you so we can talk about it when I get home" (she was using her OnStar at the time), then there would have been no problem, but that is NOT what she said.

Ok...to make a long story short (and save you all the guilt trip crap she dumped on me), her doctor informed her that she has a growth on the lower right quadrant of her cerebellum, and that is what could be causing a lot of the issues she has been having - vision, low oxygen levels, balance problems, etc. They are doing an MRI with contrast on Friday morning at 8am to determine the size and exact location and to see if they can operate on it.

I told her that I wanted her to call me when she got any information and if/when they decide to do surgery, I will find a way to get up there (even if it means pulling the kids from school and enrolling them locally for a while). In typical Mabel fashion (Mabel was her mother who cried and tried to guilt people into doing whatever she wanted, even knowing full well it wasn't good for her...Mabel was a diabetic who ignored ALL doctors' advice and eventually died from complications of diabetes), she said that I didn't need to be there, not to go out of my way, and then she hung up on me.

Whatever

However, she IS my mother (remember, we can choose our friends, but we can't choose our families) and by HER choice I am an only child. Therefore, yes, I do have to be there if/when she has surgery

So....if you could keep her (and I guess me) in your prayers, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Larisa, still steaming mad

Reply to
larisavann
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Larisa, sorry you're dealing with this. Reminds me of a call from my mother once. "Just wanted to let you know you're brother came out of surgery fine." Which brother was operated on for what? "We thought David had bone cancer, but he's fine". Good luck. Take deep breaths.

Kim in NJ

Reply to
AuntK

Your mom's quite a work of art, isn't she? How unusual that she didn't hear from her doctor until after 10 pm anybody's time. ??? Sounds like she was deliberately pushing your buttons. But. You *Know*. You can only change how you feel and respond - you can not change her. Grrrrrr-ing with you. Polly

"off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net" wrote in message news: snipped-for-privacy@f10g2000vbf.googlegroups.com...

Reply to
Polly Esther

Reply to
Joanna

Hope things work out for the best. Sending positive thoughts and prayer your way. Taria

Reply to
Taria

(((((Larisa)))))

Reply to
Cindy Schmidt

Prayers on their way....

Reply to
Kate in MI

You have my prayers.

Sunny

Reply to
onetexsun

Prayers on their way from Indiana for you both.

--Heidi

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Reply to
heidi (was rabbit2b)

(((((((((((((((((Big hugs, Larisa))))))))))))))))))))))

I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts.

Michelle in Nevada, USA

Reply to
Michelle C.

can be as difficult being a daughter as it is being a mum and neither position comes with a manual. good thots winging across the pacific for you mum. j.

"heidi (was rabbit2b)" wrote... Prayers on their way from Indiana for you both.

Reply to
J*

Prayers and comforting thought from Aust.

Reply to
DiMa

Prayers for you and your mom going up! Donna

Reply to
dealer83

Holding you and your mom in my thoughts. Many of us have a family member [or two] like your mother. We can only choose how we respond to their button-pushing attempts.

G> I had a very tense discussion with my mother last night - tense

Reply to
gaw93031

typical "boy who cried wolf" story. sigh. I'll definitely be thinking of both of you today.

Musicmaker

Reply to
Musicmaker

Reply to
Roberta

Larissa, I couldn't really answer you well when I read your post last night because it hit home in a big way. My mom has been the prize manipulator all her life. Bi-polar, but I really don't think that's any excuse. I can't tell you how many times over the years she called, or dropped in unexpectedly (from 800 miles away) to tell me she was dying. She even called me once to tell me she'd tried to kill herself but in the end had called 911 and had her stomach pumped. This at the end of a fairly "normal" conversation (late at night when my boys were babies and I was exhausted all the time). Now, she is dying. Still manipulating. I know she needs me now, but it's hard to put aside all those years and give her the attention I know she needs. Please feel free to tell your mom this story, emphasizing that people who jerk their daughters around for some perversel thrill just may end up alone and lonely in their final months on earth because even the most loving of daughters hit a wall sooner or later.

My prayer almost every day is that I will face life with more grace than my mother has. Larissa, I don't "know" you in person, but I can tell from your posts a lot about you. You definitely live with grace and love toward those in your home and in your life. I give you permission to tell your mother that you need an emotional separation for a while. Tell her that your children take your energy and she's draining you and that if it comes to them or her, you choose your kids and husband.

Mostly I give you permission to walk away from the guilt. You haven't done anything wrong; you're being manipulated. Nobody forced your mother to call you late at night. She could have called earlier in the day or sometime the next day. Nobody forced her to hang up on you. Remember that you are not your mother and that she doesn't own you or even have the right of first place in your energy or attention.

Hugs and prayers, Sunny

Reply to
onetexsun

(((((Hugs))))) and prayers are on their way, Larissa.

ME-Judy

"off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net" wrote in message news: snipped-for-privacy@f10g2000vbf.googlegroups.com...

Reply to
ME-Judy

i agree with Sunny. don't let her manipulate you. yes, she is your mother, but not your keeper. and it may be that she is acting this way because she knows no other way to act, and it always gets your attention. go and be with her at her appointment, even talk to the doctor/tech before you leave to see what's what. amy in CNY

Reply to
amy in CNY

Prayers on the way!

Reply to
Donna in NE La.

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