This was just to funny. Here it is midnight and my DH is sleeping and I got so tickled I thought I was going to wake him. I am so glad I went back and tried to read some of the older post. It was too good to miss. Thanks for the laugh. I can relate to every word. Irene/Florida
were there cameras???? lololol
>
>
> > A woman's story:
> > As we look forward to the summer season and time at the beach or > pool,here
> > is something to think about when shopping for that perfect bathing suit > for
> > our less-than-perfect figures.
> >
> > In the 1950's the bathing suit was designed for a woman with a mature
> > figure: boned, trussed, and reinforced, not so much sown as engineered.
> > They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job. > >
> > Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a
> > figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice: she can
> > either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit with
> > a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's
> > Fantasia, or she can wander around every department store trying to make a
> > sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent > > rubber bands.
> >
> > What choice did I have?
> >
> > I wandered around, made what I thought was a sensible choice and entered
> > the chamber of horrors otherwise known as... the fitting room. The first
> > thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch > > material.
> > The Lycra used in bathing suits was developed, I believe, by NASA to > launch
> > small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you
> > manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark
> > attacks. The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at
> > your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
> >
> > I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder > strap
> > in place, I gasped in horror. My bosom had disappeared! Eventually, Ifound
> > one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other
> > one. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
> >
> > The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. So the mature
> > woman has to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed bump. I
> > realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view
> > assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately, it > > only fit
> > those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out
> > rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of > playdough
> > wearing undersized cling wrap.
> >
> > As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
> > pre-pubescent salesgirl popped her head through the curtains and said:"Oh,
> > there you are!" admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure
> > about it, and asked what else she had to show me.
> >
> > I tried on a cream colored crinkled one that made me look like a ball of
> > masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave me the appearance of an
> > oversized napkin in a serviette ring.
> >
> > I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frill and > came
> > out looking like Tarzan's Jane pregnant with triplets and having a rough > > day. > >
> > I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a
> > jellyfish in mourning.
> >
> > I tried on a bright pink one with such a high cut leg that I thought I
> > would have to wax my eyebrows just to wear it.
> >
> > Finally, I found a suit that fit--a two-piece affair with a
shorts-style
> bottom and a loose blouse top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge
> > friendly, so I bought it.
> >
> > When I got home, I read the label which said: "Material may become
> > transparent in water." I'm determined to wear it anyway. I'll just have to
> > learn to do the breaststroke...
> >
> > ... in the sand!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Mindi
> > Whos wandering around the middle of no where
> > Ebay Link
> >
formatting link
> >
> >
>
>