Re: News of the weird - woman dies after spending 6 years on a couch

We are witnessing the demise of one sick person, and the possible arrest of a second sick person. It's like a train wreck -- you can't look away. ~~ Sooz

As awful as it is, it's true. I live in the town just above Stuart, and saw it on the local news. She must not have been "all there" mentally, cause you would think the very first time she couldn't get up to use the bathroom and had to sit there in it, she would have asked for help. Not to mention six years of it. Or what if she had no one to ask for help but this guy, and he refused to call for help? The whole thing is just too awful to think about.....ick!

Dawn

I was thinking if she had just given up and was waiting to die, 6 years, OMG. Too sad. That "caregiver" should be brought up on manslaughter charges.

Stephanie

I just reread the OP... according to the neighbours at least, there were kids around the appartment :(

marisa2

Stephanie wrote:

Many of the question I hear here are answered in the link (Bunga) Dora provided.

If you think of this as spousal abuse or domestic violence, it is easier to understand. Typical of spousal about, this is about power, isolation, etc. Certainly she was probably insecure and lacking in sufficient ego when the relationship began, but that's not unusual. Certainly the boyfriend, like other abusers, had a bad personality disorder. And she probably was suffering from disabling PTSD from her imprisonment, even before she became immobilized on the couch.

Check out the link Dora provided.

Well, he could have called a doctor.

Wow. I never knew that kind of thing even existed. I guess there is no end to the weirdness in the world today.

I would swear

to me. It said

Dress. Shower.

possible. How

known some very

posted.

I can't speak to the rest of the story but this isn't the first time I have heard of fabric and skin grafting. I recall a story of a "mountain man" who hadn't changed his socks for an extended period suck that his skin and socks became fused. It is hard to believe but when I think of animals who have had collars grow into their necks or horses/ponies with halters grown into their heads I believe it is possible.

Also, think about when you've had a blister or sore that is "oozy" stick to a band-aid. Is it so hard to believe that skin will heal through, around and over fabric? That is actually what job collagen, the main part of scabs, performs for the body in the healing cycle; it provides a fabric-like matrix for tissue to build back around.

- Sandy

Hi everyone.

In reading the responses, it is very interesting to me to hear what everyone thinks. But let me just say, don't be so fast to judge unless you've known someone in this situation. There are many words to describe the situation. But to outright think that someone should be charged with anything without knowing the full story could be very wrong. And remember that the media wants sensationalism too...they'll make it sound as gross and weird as possible. (Not that this isn't all by itself).

I say all of this because we almost lost my MIL recently after complications from what, we don't know, other than she was about that same size and only a few inches taller and I can't even imagine what was going on in her body. The scary and sad thing is that my in-laws live about 10 minutes away and we see them frequently. She is wheel chair bound but we believe was getting to the point where she couldn't transfer from it. When we called to find a center or a doctor to help, they told us they couldn't help, call 911 and take her to the emergency room and tell them she can't breath...'they'll have to take her'.

I know the situation being talked about here is more extreme, but I believe ours is/was pretty extreme too. I doubt the woman in question was in that disgusting state for 6 years, but I do believe that she could have been bed ridden for that long and it could have gotten to that point in the last month.

I just want to say that we (my husband and his siblings) had tried mulitple times to get my MIL to see a doctor, to do ANYTHING to help herself, to get a companion/nurse at the house, to go to a treatment center, to look into surgery...even just to go to a doctor to have her arthritis or sinus pain checked out. We tried to get her to see a doctor at her own house. You can't make someone do that until it is really bad. No one could help us. Even concerned counselors in the area were at a loss for what to do. Everyone told us, call 911 and take her to the ER. I know the story being discussed could have called the health department...I suppose another month for us and we could have too. The bathroom couldn't be gotten too at the point when she did get to the hospital. Another thing is that when she was admitted...her state was so bad, they called in a social worker. Do you know how bad/guilty we felt? There was no sign that anything other than being more than morbidly obese was going on. How would we have know there were sores or infection? Do you check your parents or in-laws behinds?

Obesity, especially when it gets to this point, has a lot more issues than someone telling you, you can't have food in order to try and help you, and the people trying to help live one day to another and often don't realize what they've adapted too. I'm not saying it's ok. Our situation went really fast where we started to notice smells and swelling and bad skin color, etc, and I don't think we could have adapted to that and would have had to do more as time went on. I just have to say that we were, and I guess still are, guilty of not doing or being able to do anything about the situation. You'd be really surprised how many agencies or people won't touch an obese person with a 10 foot pole. Everyone is at a loss....and if this 'care giver'/boyfriend didn't have money, even more so.

Ok, I better stop. Just know that it's not as cut and dry and one might think.

Apparently this would happen to Michaelangelo. His boots, when removed, would take his skin with them. This is because he would become almost possessed while working on a sculpture or painting (i.e., the Pietas, or the Sistine Chapel).

~~ Sooz

One thing to remember is that there is seldom one day that marks the slide into squalor. Most things in life are amazingly gradual. And the guy did say he'd done the best he could, taking care of her.....who the hell knows?

One thing I know for sure: Even in so-called "normal" marriages/relationships, the only people who know what's really going on are the couple itself. (And even then there's a lot of obfuscation.) No one outside the relationship can ever truly understand. ~~ Sooz

I'm so sorry to hear that Lori ((((((hugs))))))

Thanks, Kandice.

I didn't intend to turn this into a thread about me. I just wanted to remind everyone that there's always another side or someone 'near' (on the internet anyway) that could have similar experiences and you just never know what the true story is if you hear about it from other than the source.

I can understand that people don't even believe that this exists. When we tried to find help it was absolutely amazing that there is NO PLACE that will take people of that size. They have lose weight before they can get help!

I don't know how to state this but it's rolling around in my head that I think it would be really interesting for topics like this that are so out of our reality, to post I really don't understand xyz, can anyone explain it? I say this because I bet for every wierd, gross, whatever situaiton there is, there is someone that could give insight to it.

Ok, it's too early, I haven't had coffee yet, and I was away from the computer all weekend....I'm rambling. :)

Kind of like when people say they don't understand why a woman tolerates a man hitting her. They'd do such-and-such..... Yeah, right. And what if your crazy now ex-husband threatened you with more violence. And made it clear that he wouldn't kill, he'd maim so you'd have something to think about for the rest of your life.

Also similar in that physical abuse is incremental.

Tina

I was one that always said that I would not put up with it. I married a man who chased me romantically. The minute the judge said that we were married, my man changed into a monster. Within a week I had him arrested for Domestic Violence. That first one turned into a felony. The honeymoon period went on and then wham! before I knew it we had 6 cases of DV in the courts. The last time he almost killed me. That's when I wised up. But I had to move to another town and hide out with my son. My daughter had already been sent to their fathers by the 2nd incident. The therapist said that it was good that I sent her away cause he would have abused her. Whew close call.

When I went to get a divorce I couldn't find an attorney cause he was so violent and threatened everyone. The judge, the attorneys, the cops and especially me. I did follow thru with the court cases so he finally went to prison for a couple of years. I was told he was still gunning for me so after 6 years I still have to be careful.

Good grief, didn't mean to go on and on. I guess my point is that the cycle was broken. It wasn't easy. He will always be the love of my life.

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Deborah Barilleaux" :

] I was told he was still gunning for me so ]after 6 years I still have to be careful.

dear gods!!!!!!! i thought i had problems with the first one! he was so stupid he made his threats to me on the phone - when i was at work. work just happened to be as an ambulance dispatcher. once i played the TAPE for his attorney, my problems stopped!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

Mine doesn't think anyone can hurt him. He called the police in a nearby town and said that I was committing suicide. Now this was 8am on a Sunday which happened to be Mothers Day. The cops come to the door and wake me up. I couldn't believe it. I told them that he drinks. They apologized and then called the cops in his town to pick him up. LOL He's so stupid sometimes. I can laugh now. But it wasn't funny when it was happening.