OK, yesterday I had some shunts removed. I couldn't talk about the shunts yesterday, but today I am up and at 'em, sorta, albeit in a slightly passing-out kind of way, and I am going to totally subject you to the Story of the Shunts.
My friend Cori took me in at 9:30 yesterday am for the shunt removal (the plastic bits holding my nose open). The surgeon had called them "a little framework" and said they would "slide right out".
NO. NO NO NO. They were not LITTLE, to start with. They were the size of my nose, but inside my nose. No wonder I looked the way I did! (ie NOT PRETTY.)
My surgeon was in surgery all day yesterday so a younger partner was handling the removal. He shined a little light up there, said "OK, let me just check out what he's got going on, this will just take a minute" then had me hold a plastic tray (in case I needed to spit, he said), hosed down the inside of my nose with a little squirty-sucky device, got a little tweezer-thing and started pulling. I started saying "AAAAHHHHHHH" because OMG. No, really. Just OMG. Then he stopped and said "I'm so sorry, it appears that he did stitch those into place - I couldn't see the stitches because of the clotting. I just need to grab a suture scissors real quick..." and he started looking for suture scissors. And not finding them. And sweating. Yes, the doctor. Sweat was beading up all over his upper lip and brow, and he had a very definite "remain calm" air about him as he opened the door and yelled into the hallway "ONA CAN YOU FIND SOMETHING FOR ME?" Ona came in (she is a real sweetie, and so kind to me every time I see her) and started looking for the suture scissors. Meanwhile, I am sitting in the chair with this huge thing half-in, half-out, feeling a lot like it was trying to rip my face apart.
Finally (it was probably only 30 seconds or so) Ona found the scissors, the doctor snipped all the stitches, asked me if I was going to pass out or anything, apologized a million more times, and finished pulling the shunts out. It was... not very pleasant. Also he kept asking me if I was OK, which, you know, I was OK mostly in the "Well I'm not actually IN mortal danger right now" sort of way.
And then he rinsed me thoroughly (while I tried to as hard as possible to avoid looking at the objects in the tray I WAS STILL HOLDING) and told me to come back next week to have the other shunt removed. THE OTHER SHUNT? Yes, apparently there is still one in my head somewhere. I don't know exactly where. He said it should be a piece of cake. Then he told me to rinse my sinuses with saline solution once an hour to flush the clots out, and sent me on my merry way.
I will not talk about the clots right now. I am sure you can imagine just fine and don't need to have it detailed. I will tell you one thing, and that is that after three times in labor and childbirth, I can assure you that I like the labor and childbirth better.