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Locks and Keys
Or is it Locks and Bagels? Or Lox and Bagels? Or Lox Ness Monster? Or Loch Ness Monster? Oy. English is so difficult.
But as long as we're all on topic ... let me tell you a bit about Locks and Keys. In olden times the significance of placing a ring upon a lady's finger was the promise of equal authority in the household and the entrusting of wealth. Modernization has replaced this archaic custom with the sleek and streamlined pre-nuptial agreement which promises equally no authority or the entrusting of wealth. But I digress.
19th Century. South Germany. Bavaria. A jeweler--unknown-- sits at his bench ... probably humming to himself the soft tones of Wagner ... meddling with metal ... creating a ring with ... yup ... you guessed it ... locks and keys. It is to be a Silver Bavarian Marriage Ring. It is to symbolize the responsibility and control a wife will now be privy to as he and she enter the realms of matrimonial bliss.As time goes by she will come to fully understand the power bequeathed unto her. Let her jingle her keys in front of her husband on a Wednesday ... and he will go mad. This can be most opportune if she is in the midst of a fling with the stable boy and the husband walks in on them as they have a go at it in the hay. Whaddya mean you saw (jingle jingle). You didn't see nuthin' (jingle jingle). Are you going mad?
Of course ... as I know you all know ...one is wont to grab one's keys if one encounters a phantom, witch, priest, or magician. This will do absolutely nothing ... however ... when drowning ... any straw on a wave and all that. Why one would need this tactic with a priest is something for philosophers to ponder for this in an area in which I dare not delve.
For those of you who prefer the pragmatic ... I offer this bit of knowledge. Should you one day in your travels encounter a werewolf ... you have but to take your key and beat him to a pulp ensuring that you draw blood ... and poof ... that werewolf will become again the human it once was. These instructions of course come with the precautionary warning to avoid being eaten by the little beastie while you're trying to beat the crap out of him.
As to locks ... the ingenuity behind these little gadgets date back to 705 BC and defy description in the limited space provided here ... except for this one wee bit of a query. When it comes to locks with pin tumblers ... where do you all think they were first invented? Email me if you dare. I tend to think this won't be as easy as Merle Oberon. For those of you who are new to this thing called Tidbits...may I direct you to my home page at
And there ya have it. That's it for this week folks. Catch you all next week. Benjamin Mark
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