Although you still let your mother walk off with all *your* jewelry! But that's a good point. One of the reasons bullies behave that way is because they know they can get away with it. If you stop letting them have everything their own way, they will fuss, but sooner or later they have to accept it.
If the issue is "will she ever give us any more furniture" -- or "will she cut us out of her will" (which the former is just a variant of) -- the question really is, how much is getting that furniture or that inheritance worth to you? Is it something you can't live without, or just a "nice to have"?
Omigosh! She REALLY is from m-i-l hell! Hand her a sponge and the ajax and tell her to have a ball!
Seriously, a friend of mine, years ago, after her husband walked out on her and three kids, her brother was down to visit. She'd always been the perfect wife, took care of the kids and the house, now she was in school, working PT, and taking care of three kids (the youngest was 3 when the creep left them). Her brother commented that the top of the fridge was dusty and she told him, "Well, you can dust it! You're the only one tall enough to see up there anyway."
OMG!! I can so relate to what you are going through. I have judgemental relatives and it takes all my strength not to freak out for there visits. We are not clean freaks. It is a major undertaking to make the place "acceptable". I only bother because I know it will bother me if they think badly of me. So sad! I'm 44, why the he-- should I care????
Oh my god. This bitch has a serious problem. I feel so bad for you.
Did you hand her a toilet brush? Haw haw haw! ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
You know, this is one thing Depression really helped me with. It causes me to have less room in my head, so I have had to prioritize way beyond normal. I simply don't have the mental energy to worry about that stuff and still have a livable life. Especially because that kind of worrying fills my head to over the top and turns into paralysis.
I woke up this morning to the obnoxious smell of bleach. You could smell it all over the house. I know they went through that bathroom with a fine tooth comb. At least SHE did it. LOL
On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 23:41:17 -0500, starlia wrote (in message ):
Your mother in law would have put me in the hospital. I cannot tolerate exposure to bleach fumes, and I'd be wheezing in about a moment.
Your stories just make me miss my own mother in law more and more. I lucked out and got the one-in-a-million kind that you click with instantly. We had
17 years together, 10 of those under the same roof, and I miss her every single day.
On a more practical note, is there a friend not-too-nearby who can have a "sudden emergency" and need you to go to her right away? My sister and I have a code phrase for this: One of us calls the other and says, "I have an aroma." Then she hangs up the phone.
Immediately, the other will call back with a newly minted dire situation that is going to take up X amount of time, with X being the amount of time we want to be out of the house. My sister's husband knows not one thing about medicine (band-aid is just skirting the edge of high tech for him), so when I call I have phlebitis, chronic leprotic aneurysms, an inflamed poultroon or any number of fake gynecological problems. As soon as I say "I went to the gyn-o-," he cuts me off and gets my sister.
She either comes to my house to hide out, or goes somewhere on her own and lets me know how to reach her in case of an actual emergency. I haven't needed to escape like that in several years, but I used to go to a hotel in the next town and rent a room. I'd spend a day or two there, eating food from room service and reading a couple or three trashy novels.
Still... That whole "You can't/won't do it so I, the long-suffering MIL, must do it for you" martyr-type thing just doesn't sit well with me. I'm just old and cranky, I guess.
I used to bust my ass for people, but got over that long ago. And I don't want someone visiting me and spending the whole time doing things they "think" I should have done. If I ask for help with something, that's one thing. To just horn in and take over my space is another thing altogether, and is not appreciated..
If you want to visit me, visit me. If you want to clean, stay home or visit someone else. Don't try to guilt me or make me feel bad by making a show of "fixing" my space or my life. It's mine, thankyouverymuch, and I'd appreciate your leaving it alone.
Some people seem to live solely for the opportunity to make others feel bad/inadequate. Screw them.
When I was a junior in college, my folks came to visit the house I shared with three other students. I did a LOT of cleaning. My mother walked in and went straight to a corner that still had some dust in it.
Another time, when I was in my 20s, she visited me in my apartment. I did a fair amount of cleaning. She walked in, and within five minutes she was cleaning the inside of the microwave oven.
Now I've wised up. She's going to find whatever dirt I've missed no matter how much I clean, so I don't make any special efforts to clean for her. She makes fun of how cluttered my house is, but that's OK with me. We get along great.
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