If my MIL did that in my house I would throw her out on her ass. (My MIL is not that crazy - she's actually pretty sane). Don't let people treat you like this. Don't you ever watch Dr. Phil? You're worth more than that - these are her problems, not yours. Plus, bleach fumes can be toxic.
Nope, I don't agree. It's not MIL's place to clean Starlia's house. It's presumptuous and rude. She should be pleased for a place to stay, and if she can't stand the mess, she can stay somewhere else.
Exactly!!
I'm so freaking glad my parents are cool. And so are DH's. I'm the luckiest girl on the planet.
This isn't a MIL problem, this is a DH problem. There's NO way my DH would let his mother create such angst for our household. At any price.
The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized LC in Sunny So Cal Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)
Throw away the bleach! That stuff will kill you. I had the guy who was fixing my heating system tell me they can always tell someone who keeps bleach near where their heater is. There are certain parts that get eaten by it. Even with the cap on the bottle closed. There are many cleaning products that can do what bleach does without being so caustic. Barbara Dream Master
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans. Woody Allen
You are so cute! SMOOCH ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
Hey -- that'd solve your problem! Next time she visits, throw crap all over the house. Dump dirt in the toilet. Smear crud on the furniture. ! ! ! ! ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
His *nephew* had the nerve to complain about your dusting?!?!?!?!?!?! Wow, that is a first! ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
Jeebus!
Tell her, Starlia, that bleach is a known carcinogen. (It's true.) ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
See, this is what I think too. Kevin would never, ever let this happen to me. ~~ Sooz
------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
After reading this thread I must be a good MIL. My son and DIL bought a house about 10 mins walk away from me in spite of the fact that her mother wanted her to live near them. I asked Dil why and she said," I know for a fact that you will not be coming in every five minutes and bringing the family with you." Her own family was like that.
Now was that remark had two meanings to me. Either she did know I would not interfere or she was telling me in a roundabout way not to.
Well I rarely go to their house, maybe two or three times a year. I never remark on what they buy, or the house unless I am asked to. I have never criticised the way that they have brought up their children unless I have been asked. There are times when I have had to bite my tongue when I could see them making a rod for their own backs regards the children. However I have kept silent. There have been times when DS has moaned and remarked later about one of the children's behaviour and I told him I could see it coming but kept my mouth shut.
I am always here if they want me. Our grandson calls every school day on his way home from school for a cup of tea, a slice of home-made bread and butter and to do his homework. He stays until his mum gets home from work.
I do just not interfere. Shirley
In article , Kandice Seeber writes
I am always here if they want me. Our grandson calls every school day on his way home from school for a cup of tea, a slice of home-made bread and butter and to do his homework. He stays until his mum gets home from work.
This is so wonderful!! what a lucky young man he is.
Well, you're a sweet MIL!! Not even close to some of the scary ones we're reading about here.
Not dusting, necessarily, but the clean clothes folded neatly on the couch, that we hadn't put away yet....the clean dishes in the dish drainer that were waiting to be put away, some papers on the kitchen table (we homeschool so there are ALWAYS papers around), a couple of jackets hanging on the backs of the dining room chairs....stuff like that, nothing major. He called our house a pig sty. I told him, "Well, you have two arms and two legs, and a brain. If you think it's messy, then offer to help. You know my physical limitations, so either be part of the solution, or get out." he has only been over here once since then, and that was about 3 months ago (he was coming once a week before that, which was perfectly fine with me). Dh's family is, well.....special. I won't have much to do with them.
Agreed -- with the caveat that, in someone else's space, it's okay to *ask* if that person would like you to do X for them -- particularly if they have physical limitations and you don't. But be prepared to take No for an answer with good grace.
Celine
A valid point! Starlia, fighting with her MIL, is always going to be in the wrong; it's her husband's place to set limits here. Perhaps one of those limits needs to be "You are never happy in our house, so instead we will pay for a motel room when you visit."
Celine
Heh. My former in-laws were always invited to our parties (and would still be invited to mine if we lived in the same town). My parents weren't even told when we were *having* a party. 'Nuff said.
Celine
My MIL (ex) did that kind of thing (cleaning). My daughter is always cleaning and rearranging my cupboards etc, too. I'm not sure of my MIL's motives, but they *might* be the same as Susie's.
I choose not to feel I am less than or am guilty. This is a choice that is up to me. I can consider it to be help, or even consider it to be MIL's problem that she is working on. As long as it's just cleaning, it's OK. After all, I might not like the frantic activity, but I also don't like doing the fussing.
Maybe it's easier for me because I know I can't get as much done as I "should".
Tina
I just returned from the funeral of a dear friend who died young. As part of the eulogy, the minister mentioned that "She looked at housework as a once a year thing - rather like a birthday."
You know what? She was one of the most beloved people I know. The funeral was standing room only, and not a dry eye in the place. Teenaged boys were openly sobbing at the loss of this woman. No one cared in the least that her house wasn't up to "Good Housekeeping" standards.
When I go, I'd hate to know that "keepng my house immaculate" was the nicest thing anyone could say about me. (Which would be insane, because my house is so far from immaculate it's not funny) I'd rather tell stories, and sit on the kitchen floor with kids and find all the joy in life that I can. Life is far too short to waste it on things that don't make us and the people around us happy.
Starlia, I feel rather sorry for your MIL. She sounds like someone who makes other people happy only when she leaves, and that's a tragic thing.
Kathy N-V
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