If you want a spouse who is smart, rich and devoted, you're gonna
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *have to get married three times.Fred
W.I.P. - "Fiddler on the Roof", "Oriental Maiden".
Snip
Cuts both ways, Fred!!! LOL!
Pat P
True, true! But mine is smart and devoted and is Rich!
Cheryl
Yeeeeeoowwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I've had smart, and I've had smart-ass, so I guess that means the next one will be both devoted AND rich?
Bowing (r,d,h)
I hope so - you deserve it! C
"Fred" wrote ..
How is it that I am on H the second and haven't got 2 out of 3 yet?????? Dawne
Having listened to lots of GF's b*tch about husbands, devoted is the best of the three.
C
Amen to that, Cheryl, having had a #3 on the list for 51 years! The clever/lucky bit is getting it right FIRST time!!!
Pat P
I found smart isn't all that is cracked up to be, money doesn't buy contentment (happiness is a brief state of being) and devotion can last a life time. Cheryl
I have read most of the posts on this subject. I have noted this several times in the past, but maybe it is worthwhile saying it again. I cannot understand men (husbands) who do not realize that a wonderful wife is the most precious gift any man can ever receive. It is worthwhile for
*any* man to pay *any* "cost" to be worthy of such a bounty. And by "cost", I mean *everything*; money, effort, devotion, kindness, etc. Why many men are so stupid, I have absolutely no idea. I am also convinced that this is *not* a two way street. When it comes to making a marriage work or not, men hold most, if not all, the cards.
I`d say it was fifty-fifty, Jim. It`s ALWAYS "give and take" on BOTH sides. Money`s the least important - although lack of it can certainly present difficulties and stresses, as can too much of it at times.
Pat P
I have several male friends who are widowed. They say much the same thing as Jim: they regret the things they could have done for their wives and didn't.
My male friends of similar age who are divorced have much different sentiments; they put a lot of the blame on their wives for being unwilling to go the extra mile. She should have been willing to make marriage a 75-25 proposition, or even 90-10, instead of expecting it to be something approximating 50-50. Those who know that I was in a situation where the only thing my ex considered "fair" was for me to pay all the bills and do all the work, will sympathize with me that that's not right, and then go right back to grousing that their ex-wife expected 50-50 and wasn't willing to do more than her fair share to keep her husband happy.
Jim used one word that makes the difference--he refers to a wonderful wife. Most divorced men would not use that word to describe an ex-wife. I think it takes a wonderful husband to make a wonderful wife and vice versa.
To some extent.
But there are men who have (or had) what *I* consider wonderful wives, and all they do is complain about the things she *doesn't* do. She works full-time, she does all the housework/laundry without hired help, she ferries the kids around to soccer and Little League so he doesn't have to, and he complains because she doesn't cook from scratch like his mother. Or she works, cleans and cooks, but he *itches because she expects him to drive carpool while she cooks dinner. If she manages to work, cook, clean AND carpool so that the only thing he is expected to do is go to work, then he *itches because she's too exhausted to be any fun at night.
In those cases, a wonderful wife *doesn't* make a wonderful husband, because he's too focused on the negatives to be happy with what he has, and will *always* be too focused on what he doesn't have to ever be happy with having 90% of perfection.
When my first marriage was failing, an older and wiser divorced friend gave me the advice to go home and be The Perfect Wife for 6 months. If that meant doing everything myself -- do it, and bite your tongue, never criticize. My friend promised that if things didn't improve, call him on Day 181 and he would personally loan me the deposit for an apartment and help me move. As I predicted, things didn't get better, they got worse because I had promised not to say a critical word and he took that as permission to do ever-worse things; as my friend predicted, I was able to walk away without regrets because I knew that I had given my utmost and it wasn't enough.
I now pass that advice along to others whose marriages are rocky: be The Perfect Wife (or Husband) for 6 months and see what happens. If the problem was that Husband was not listening, and he now focuses on what she's asking him to do (and does it), the problem is solved. But if the problem is that one spouse expects the impossible, it becomes obvious that the best the other can do will never be enough.
I've seen a lot of marriages go bad because one spouse doesn't want to live within their income, and it doesn't matter what the other does in terms of general wonderfulness, because Spouse won't be happy until he/she is told there's no need to adhere to a budget. Someone who's earning $30,000 is not going to overnight go to earning $100,000 so that the other can buy whatever catches his/her eye, but that is the deal-breaker in those relationships. Not who's doing the chores, or how well they're treated by their spouse, or whether he's willing to let her be a SAHM; "love" is defined only one way -- if you tell me to limit my spending, you don't love me. One of my bosses, a truly nice guy, really spoiled his wife (she got 2 dozen roses for her birthday and wasn't happy because she wanted 3 dozen), but every time he tried to negotiate that "you can have this really expensive thing you want *if* you agree to stick to a budget so we can afford it", she pouted. I couldn't believe how badly she treated him for no reason other than he didn't have unlimited money. (He was a lawyer and earned a lot; she spent more.)
True money can'nt buy happiness but it should can buy a lovely time before getting that happiness.
P"
Don't get me wrong about the other post. I have loved, hated, devoted to and like my one and only man. My husband of 30 years. I would not want or need other man. One is enough for me.
And don't forget, having money probably will never make you sad.
I'm not so sure about that anymore.
DH's best friend just moved out here and the boy has more money than he could ever really spend and has a high paying job.
Frankly, he is 50 and miserable. Has all the toys he could want but finally let on that he feels he "screwed up". He's alone, no close family once his folks are gone.
He's an unhappy man.
Cheryl
Au contraire. If all your "friends" only love you for your money, if the only time anyone ever calls you is to ask for money, you might wish you were poor.
I went to college with someone whose family was in the Social Register from way back. Every person who made nice by him, every girl who came on to him, he had to figure out, does he/she like me for "John" or does he/she like me for LastName? (i.e., the money)
Sorry Karen but I don't agree with either you or Cheryl this time. It simply aint the extra money that's doing the damage. These are people who might (be sure to note that I said "might") be unhappy with or without money. At least with it they can seek help, or buy the necessary things in life without extra worry about funds. When you don't have money you are adding other problems to the pot and that makes it harder to survive.
I've been in both places, with it and without it, and trust me youngsters, with is better. It doesn't cure all ills, but it does take away a little of the worries and makes it easier to go on and try to climb up.
I'm going out now to do some damage to my pocket in the supermarket.
Lucille
InspirePoint website is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.