What are you stitching next?

Oh, search on YouTube for Madonna!!!! Oh wait, she's back to being American again. Reinvent, reinvent, reinvent.

"Karen C - California" wrote

The "we didn't know we were poor" stories I have heard in my lifetime all came from old people who lived through the depression in small towns. Farmers knew then they were poor, because they got shipments of food from the rest of the country, and because they knew what they had lost. City people knew they were poor if they were lining up for soup or had people begging at their back doors. In my own city, out of work men and boys travelling to Ottawa to ask for help were shot at by police determined to stop their trek---nothing like a bullet or two to remind you you are in the underclass. And some of those "oh everybody was poor so we didn't notice" types retained substantial hostility to the "big shots" who ran the railways, or the banks. They noticed.

But I think today, in North America, to keep it where you placed it, it is impossible not to see daily how the rich live, and to see a constant stream of advertising to tell you what you absolutely have to have. And when the poor actually try to get some of that good stuff, there is always someone to say they shouldn't have brand name jeans or movie tickets, because it isn't sensible.

In a consumerist society like ours, to be content with what one has is I think a question of a state of mind, rather than a state of bank account. People who live comfortably can feel hard done by because they envy others, or feel really blessed. People who have little can be content or filled with rage. Me, I am trying to be among the blessed----

Dawne

Absolutely. Not that paralegals are badly paid, but they don't make what the senior attorneys make.

I saw a lot of my co-workers get in financial trouble because they were trying to keep up with the attorneys instead of living within their own means.

They couldn't figure out how I could be supporting two people on what they couldn't make stretch to support one. Well, let's see ... I didn't stop for fast food every night on the way home, I cooked from scratch for a lot less. And a lot of other things where I differentiated between "needs" and "wants", and if I wasn't wearing the latest fashion, Oh Well.

I stuck to the way I was raised, instead of thinking that I needed keep up with people making twice as much, and was much happier for it.

That is inaccurate - according to the people who lived on the same floor as her so presumably would be aware of comings and goings, as I am of my neighbours.

I knew who she was to see, when I would see her crossing the road something said "Don't offer a ride, it will not be welcome" and other people have said the same thing.

Well I have lived all over, have many friends and I can't say I have met a single person who behaved like that. Friends who took longer to get back on track, but none like that.

I have the cat, apparently there were two originally George and Martha lol I couldn't bring myself to call her Martha (she doesn't answer me anyway) so I have renamed her Hidiyeh which is the Persian for Gift. If I want her attention or she wants mine, what I have to do is meow, oh well.

The trouble with being intestate and allowing the government to take over was the Public Trustee was going to take her to the vets 'for extermination' - if our super hadn't cared and called me, she would be a goner (the cat, not the super!)

It's taken time but we are bonding at last.

Umm - maybe in the Karen lexicon. "Most" implies a majoprity. "Many" just implies more than a few. In the common vernacular - in the US - people are likely to assume "some" to be more than a few, with "many" being more than "some" - but not necessarily. These terms are often used for their lack of precision. The only standards of implication that IME are generally excepted has been that a "Few" is 3 or more, while "several" is more than that - generally implying more than 5. Assumption of implications - a double problem. One of DH's favorite movie lines, from "The Dark Territory" with Eric Bogosian as the crazy criminal genius - "assumption is the mother of all f-ups" . It's worth remembering.

If you were familiar with reading and evaluating proposals of companies seeking work/contracts - you would recognize how key that is. It is one of my favorite queries when doing those evaluations "what do you mean by "some" of our named staff wil....." - as statements like that are frequently purposefully misleading. Could be 2 of 30, could be 5, could be whoever is available, could be 12 or 25. And, yes, I've been on a good amount of source selection boards, and other contract evaluations - running from merely a few hundred thousand dollars to the hundred million kind of area (though usually in the 10-40 million arena), and seen this in all of them.

Ellice

Ah, you just can't tell. We tell the godchildren that we know we'll be alone with our long-term care insurance, drooling in our buckets - with whatever the current dog is.. Seriously - DH & I have our friends, we're reasonably social - but with no children, and no parents, well. Sure - we have my DB, the DifficultSIL, and his 4 kids - that we love - but don't see much due to distance and the DSIL - perhaps it will improve. On the other side - the MSIL, the CSIL, and the MSIL's very nice husband - who is 15 or more years older than us - oh, and the "derelict" niece. I'm expecting that we'll stay kind of fit - but I can see situations in the future being kind of loner-ish. You just don't know. And my great 1st cousin in NJ - another older situation - but her son we like a lot, and he's about 18 years younger than us.

For us, we've noted that no one really thinks of inviting us to join them on the "family" type holidays. Kind of odd - they just don't think about it. If we say something - then - oh, sure - would you like to come over. We do have shared major holidays. But, you can never really tell without speaking to people as to how they end up more or less alone.

Ellice

I have to try and remember that. I can see it as a very useful phrase.

Lucille

In which case, you and Jon are here by invited to the best Thanksgiving celebration at my cousins house. Family motto, there is always enough.

Cheyrl

As a person with 0 family except for a SIL & BIL who are older then me and live in AZ (my husband's brother) and a couple of neices who live way off in the distance and a nephew I haven't seen in 30 years, I often think about that. I'm very lucky and I have a couple of (a few, some, several-oh dear, what word should I use??? lol) very dear friends but one is older and one is younger. I also have lots of acquaintences who probably would look for me if they didn't hear from me for a few days.

I do think that for most seniors in a position like mine the best thing is to move into an "Assisted Living" community. Not a nursing home, a place where you are looked in on to see if your'e okay. That way you're assured that there will be someone to talk to, which is a big problem for seniors who live alone and isolated.

Lucille

One of the Flight Safety sayings in the RAF was "don't assume - check!"

LOL - that's nice. T'giving is the one holiday generally covered - as it's DH's high school alumni game - in lovely Hackensack - that weekend - so we do the holiday with my cousin in NJ (though I think they're moving to Manhatten soon). But, never fear - we'll hit NH soon enough.

Ellice

I totally agree with you. While, I know that the god-children get very upset when we mention possibly moving a bit further from them (they live near Donna, 15 min away). But, reality is what it is. I totally see the social, and other benefits of the assisted living communities.

In our community, they're actually going to have a section that is "active" adult over 55 - DH said by the time it gets put in, we might be old enough - or close. The plans are stunning.

Ellice

Yup - right up there with "FUBAR" - beyond all repair......

ellice

And SNAFU, one of my favorites.

Lucille

That's the kind of community I live in now. I don't make much use of the clubhouse, except for some meetings and an occasional social event, but it's there if I want it. And for the sports minded people, they have tennis and bike riding and running and walking and on and on and on.

I made some very wonderfull friends here and even if I'm always moaning about hating Florida, I do love where I live.

Lucille

When I worked alongside the USAF in a couple of places they took offence when anything that broke down was marked "U/S". Until, that is, we explained that "U/S" stood for "UnServiceable" they were more understanding.

I can see myself being the old lady living alone - my immediate family is not only scattered, it's getting rather small in number. I like being alone, but I don't want to be isolated, that's two different things!

I have good friends now, but of course no one knows what the future will bring. I think a lot of these isolated old folks may have had relatives originally, but families are so mobile these days that chances are most of them are half a continent away. Even if they have children - two of my mothers' friends want to settle down (at about 80!) but the 'children' are in widely-separated locations and in jobs that tend to move around a lot, so what do the parents do?

People who've had their lives tied up with work find out the hard way that many work friendships don't outlast retirement. Many people are no longer affiliated with religious or volunteer groups or social clubs which can provide connection and friendship well after the working days are over.

And, of course, increased difficulty with mobility makes things hard. Seniors' Centres and other groups always seem to want volunteers to visit shut-ins. An elderly person doesn't have to be very disabled, either, to make it difficult to visit an old friend who can't get out at all. If you can't drive, and there are no buses (or they are too hard to climb into when your arthritis acts up), you're stuck.

Cheryl P.