VERY OT: Three Cheers... and a prayer request

Kate G. · 2008-08-20T02:38:09+00:00

Tonight Ryan (DS#3) is spending the night alone... in his OWN apartment!He'll be there until Friday evening. This is a "trial run" on seeing how he does living independently. The county has a 2 bedroom furnished apartment that we're using at no cost. It's about 15 miles from our home... so close enough if necessary - but far enough for him to be on his own. (It's in the next little town.)So keep your fingers crossed, and say a little prayer. The deal is he has to cook at least one meal using the stove/oven -- not just the microwave. He has to visit at least 3 "sites" that are within walking distance (a DQ, a pizza place, the corner market, coffee house, arcade, library....) He's totally responsible for cleaning up behind himself. He'll need to shop for food beyond the few staples I sent with him.He's there tonight; all day Wednesday and Thursday, then he has to work at Krogers 9-5 on Friday. (He'll need to arrange for the local transportation service to pick him up and take him to work). Then we'll move him out on Friday night!If this goes well, we can do it several more times throughout the year -- with stays up to 2 weeks at a time! I really never dreamed we'd get to this point... but I now seriously believe there will be a day when he can live on his own (with help). The purpose for this is so we can get a real feel for where his skills fall short... and where he is doing really well.So this Mom is totally psyched.... but also totally nervous. So keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer! I know he'll do great! But I really think this is almost harder for me than it is for him! LOLKate in MIPS: for those who don't know Ryan -- he is MMR -- very verbal, a few autism spectrum behaviors, very athletic (stands 6'2") and is almost 22 years old. He is my special needs kiddo. He has tuberous sclerosis complex (learn more here: He reads at about the 4th grade level and can add/subtract with borrowing & carrying for numbers less than 100. ...

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Pauline 17 years ago

This is exciting & scary at the same time, I imagine. I hope it goes well for Ryan & for you!

FWIW, I have a friend whose son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but not until he was about 25 years old! The parents thought he was just a problem child. Anyway, he has a few different issues going on, but what I wanted to share with you is that he lives alone now (since about 3 years ago) & there are certain things that he just can't do & likely will never be able to do, such as cooking (other than throwing something in the microwave), cleaning & do the laundry. For these chores, the state provides money for an aide to come in & clean & cook for him. If someone stays with him through the entire laundry process, he can do his own laundry, but when it comes time to do it again in a week or so, he can't put it together. I'm not sure if that is related to the Asperger's or another issue, but, if Ryan gets stuck on a couple of hurdles, perhaps there are funds available that may be able to assist him. I'm sure every mother's dream is to see their child able to live independently.

Pauline Northern California

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Rozagy, artistic Autistic 17 years ago

=BF=BDBut I really

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Hi Pauline,

sorry to drop in on a conversation.

My name is Roz and I'm a 37-year-old married mom of two and I was diagnosed with Asperger's 2 years ago after my son was diagnosed with Asperger's. I scored unusually high on Autism questionair and then went through the official diagnosis process and was found to have Asperger's.

I have had a lot of problems in live, mainly to do with bullying, misunderstanding and rejection by other 'more popular, cool people'. But I was taught from an early age, like my younger sister - hpw to cook, clean, wash, iron and I keep an immaculate house! I am also the one responsible for shopping and I decorate our house and chose/buy all the furniture, change beds, do gardening as well as help kids with the homework and work full time myself. My husband who is NOT Autistic has his own business where he spend majority of his time and does next to nothing at home. He does walk the dog though and takes out the trash.

I don't believe that the problems you describe of a young man with Asperger's who can not cook and wash his clothes and clean are to do with his Asperger's. It may be depression or other issues. My obsessive nature that is common in people with Asperger's means that I am EXTRA preoccupied with cleanlinness and tidy fresh smelling house.

Mayve, it's a 'man thing' but I don't think it is. I'm teaching my children how to be tidy and to clean and my older son is Autistic and is actually very good at tidying and sorting things and at gardening. He loves being busy as he gets bored easily.

I think it's to do with the way you're brought up. And with family dynamics. Often people who have been bullied and picked on and rejected in life have low self-esteem which leads to depression and apathy which is why he doesn't seem to be able to look after himself (maybe not because he can't).

I wonder if his depression could be helped?

best wishes, Roz

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Lenore L 17 years ago

Congratulations! We're facing the same thing in the next year or so.......Asperger's.

Your son's successful move toward independence is awesome!

Lenore

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VERY OT: Three Cheers... and a prayer request

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