What would you do?

No Anne, that's true. She could get one at Wal-Mart for 39.99!

I would love to make that much at quilting, but I really don't know if my area would support the cost. Small town, low income.

Did I say yet that I love this newsgroup? I've been reading off and on for quite some time, but only recently got an e-mail address that I could send posts out and not get lots of spam in my regular address.

Debbie

Debbie,

I agree that once a gift is given, the recipiant (I know it's not spelled right) is free to do as they please with it. This is why when I give handmade stuff, quilts included, there is one string attached:

If you EVER think of getting rid of it, give it back.

Either tell your MIL exactly how much her cost to make in time, materials, etc.

Or

You could just tell her to stuff it and direct her to mass produced quilts made overseas. She will get what she paid for

Either way, talk to your DH about it. If he even has an inkling of the time and effort involved and knows your MIL is getting rid of the one you made her, he better side with you on this. If he doesn't let me know. I will come by if I'm ever in the area and beat some sense into his skull for you. :-)

Jenn in CA

PS It doesn't sound like she is taking very good care of the one she gave you. Given the quality of fabric most of us use for this hobby, it shouldn't have faded after less than a year. My DH has one that goes EVERYWHERE with him (try packing a queen size quilt for a cruise :-) and hasn't yet faded and it's two years old - the fabric is 3 years old. And I'm pretty sure I don't take good care of it. :-)

Debbie wrote:

Yes, I will start telling them that.

AAmen

LOL. I think I luv you.

Well, I bought the material from JoAnns, not Wal-Mart, so I don't how it could have faded enough to where she finds it not good enough to display or use. grrrrrrrrr

I just saw it about a month ago and it looked the same to me! Just hurt my feelings that something I considered so valuable and loving is tossed into a yard sale for pennies, ya know? When I gave it to her I told her it was made with love especially for her. Oh well.

Debbie

I am always being asked to make quilts for this person or that person. And I hate even worse being volunteered to make one for someone or an occasion without being asked. So over the years I have found that what works best for me is to be as direct as possible. A friend of mine just 'tried' to volunteer me to make several quilts for her in-laws for this holiday season. She made the bigger mistake of volunteering me in front of them as if it was a done deal. That evening after everyone left I called her aside and let her know that I had several quilts already that I would be working on for the holidays for my grandchildren and it would be impossible for me to add any more. I put it back in her court to tell her in-laws that I was not available for their quilt needs/wants. I then asked her to 'try' not doing this again. (I know she will though, it is just her nature). When it comes to someone asking me to make a quilt for them any more I tell them that they must buy all the materials in advance. This includes, thread, fabrics, bindings, and batting. Then I let them know that I charge $5.00 per block for my labor. When I tell people this most often they get the message that my quilts that are given as gifts are a labor of love. If they want me to make a quilt for someone else they know to pay up front and I will gladly do a quilt that they too can give as a labor of love to someone. Everyone in my very large family has received a gift quilt from me, some more than one and all of them appreciate the time and expense that goes into these special gifts now. Being direct with someone (MIL) doesn't need to be hurtful. Just when someone has no idea of what is involved they cannot appreciate your labor of love. julia

Kate has said it well. I agree -- she's your MIL and you love her, but that doesn't mean you're eager to do all of her Christmas-gift making for her when she doesn't value what you've made for her.

Thank you, Sandy. You've said exactly how I feel.

Debbie

Another alternative that might help solve both issues with MIL ---

Assuming you live near each other, Tell her politely that you have quilts to work on for family but that you'd love to teach *her* how to make quilts for her bosses and take her on as a student -- she makes the quilts for her bosses while you make the other quilts you need to.....

*she* puts in the time, energy, and $.....if she goes for being a student, I bet she gets a whole new appreciation for the one you made her....who knows, maybe you'll also develop a new common interest.

Tricia

Jenn > Debbie,

That's exactly right, Julia. I've got aunts, a sister and sisters-in-law on both sides to do quilts for and I haven't even done one for my kids or husband yet. I am working on the daughters now, but.....

I work and was going to try to go to back to school full time this year. It's not like I have all the time in the world to just spit out these quilts.

It is a labor of love. I had started to make myself one (I haven't even made one for me yet) and my cousin was dying with cancer, so she got that one.

I've only made three so far and working on the fourth one and I just can't do it all by Christmas. If I get em all done by this time next year I'll be happy!!

I never knew this would snowball like this.

Debbie

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While it wasn't about quilts, it was about plastic canvas projects, cross stitch, and art work, My stepmother pulled a bullsh*t statement like that one time to me as a teenager....I was always taught that a gift made was a gift truly done with love because anyone could purchase something without giving it a lot of thought but making something took a lot of thought and energy. Even went so far that year as to insist on giving me $ to spend on others for Xmas (the thought process was, take the money that would have gone towards my Xmas gifts from her and my father and let me use to spend on someone else -- I didn't care about whether I got something or not but was hurt as hell at the imlication that I wasn't giving

*real* gifts).

Then, she had the audacity to say *she* was hurt when I made a comment about how I gave her and I think my dad somethign purchased or something similar and made other gifts because she didn't like homemade gifts. What a _ _ _ _ _ (you fill in the letters of your choice).

Even thinking about that all these years later (I'm at least twice as old as I was then) gets me riled and PO'd like no ones business.....

Tricia

Debbie

I have been following only some of this thread and so can only tell you what I do.

If family ask (and they usually don't any more) I offer to put them on the "one day" list, no specific timeframe. If they insist they will "pay" me to make one now I smile and say that as they are family I will only charge them cost and $5 per hour - materials $450, thread $50, batting $50, labour 150hours at $5 = $750. ($1300AUS is about 750EURO or $1000US - give or take - and those amounts are VERY conservative for a QS quilt) At this point they usually scream that they can buy one cheaper and I suggest (very very politely) that they go out and do so.

If "strangers" ask I simply reply that I do not make quilts commercially/professionally.

I am NOT a professional quilter because I used to get so angry that the time and energy, creative skills and material costs of the things I made were constantly and grossly undervalued by those who fancied owning a handcrafted textile item. It is the same with most activities that are broadly categorised as "crafts". Just consider local markets where skilled artisans are expected to sell for the same rates as unskilled hobbyists.

If I get cornered into making a quilt for payment I give an estimate in hours of how long it will take - AFTER I have taken the person asking to a quilt shop to buy all the material for the quilt and they have seen the material cost. That is usually enough to make them rethink the request.

I will teach people to quilt anytime, and I warn all my new students that quilting is both addictive and expensive (time and dollars). But I do not charge as a professional teacher anymore - just a token amount to cover coffee, snacks, magazine subs, tools, etc. I live in a small town that would not support the sort of rates I was paid when teaching in a major city in a shop, and I now do this for the joy of teaching.

I will assist people with links to quilts for sale (and smile inwardly at their shock over the prices).

And I will give my quilts away. But once given, I take no issue with what they do with the item. If I see a gift quilt being abused or unappreciated I simply make note never to gift that person with another item that has taken me time and effort to make.

I have been known to "trade" (or perhaps more accurately "gift") a quilt from time to time. If someone takes the time and effort to do something for me as a kindness I will spare no effort to make them a quilt that I think they will like as a gift. Jessamy mentioned garden revamp and quilt as a possibility for her (which is closer to a "trade"), but I also made a quilt for the man who built my house for me as an expression of thanks for the extra effort he put in to help me. He recently brought the quilt back to me for minor repairs and I am sure that his beloved corgi has been sleeping on one corner of it. I had no problem with that. It showed that he was constantly using it, as Corgi is never far from B's side. I am absolutely certain that he has no idea what the quilt cost (just in dollars, forget effort) and I will never mention it. He thinks my quilting is a "nice little hobby" and I would not embarrass him by reducing his quilt to a dollar value. He likes his quilt because it is his favourite colours and because I made it. That's enough for me.

And if MIL continues to be a pain on this subject just tell her very sweetly that you are sure that nothing lil' ol' you made could possibly be good enough for a special person like her!

You need better relatives :-)

marcella

;-)

Debbie

Howdy!

You reckon glaring at the woman and screaming, "WHAT?!!!? Are you NUTZ!???!!?" isn't appropriate and final? You don't think she's trying to be mean? She just comes by this casual, calloused, insulting attitude naturally?

Altho' Texas is not The South, my m-i-l is from East Texas which is very Southern, & we have discussed some very creative phrases in the art of the put-down. Helpful phrases like, "Oh, sure 'nuff?" & "Why--isn't that just so sweet of you!" and "Oh, Bless your Heart!" and saying "Darlin' " a lot. "Oh, how sweet of you to think of me, and my talents, because of course you realize the retail value of my quilts starts at $650, bless your heart, but I'm afraid I just couldn't do justice to your expectations." Big ol' smiles go real well with this kind of cra..er.. refusal. My dad, native Texan, when presented w/ someone else's expectations of what he should do: "How 'bout that." "Rhonnie! I want some handmade items for my bosses, in time for the holidays, and I want them for almost free!" Rhonnie: "How 'bout that."

Barney Fife: Nip it! In the BUD! NIP IT IN THE BUD! Debbie, you must stop this woman now. If you make another quilty/crafty item for her at least a dozen of us are coming to "see" you to take you to have your head examined. As for her son--who's he married to, anyway? First right of protection should go to The Wife, IMO. YMMV

Nah, you don't owe her anything, esp. custom-made quilts. The *cheap* part of this deal is her attitude. "M-i-l, Darlin', if you really want to give YOUR bosses something handmade, how 'bout you go down to the craft store and get some craft kits and make them something from your own 2 delicate hands? I mean, everyone always needs another bookmark, right? And potholders: who doesn't like potholders?" Remind her of the Ojo de Dio we all made out of yarn and sticks at Vacation Bible School. And mobiles out of fruit juice can tops. See, the possibilities are endless. And she can take pride in saying, "I made this myself!" Bless her heart.

Good luck! Hang in here. We'll talk you thru' this. ;-)

Ragm> Hi all,

OMG, ROTFLMAO..............................

This one is definitely a keeper!

Debbie

She wants to really impress her bosses but, as other have indicated, either has no idea of the time and effort involved or is pretending not to know in order to take advantage of your desire to please her (and your husband). A little voice of experience in my head suspects the latter.

A person would have to be dumber than a door knob to not comprehend that telling you such a thing would hurt your feelings. This adds even more credibility to my theory that she is playing you.

Given all you've said, I'm not as generous about her motivations as you. I hope I am wrong.

Then leave your husband out of it and just deal with her as you would anyone else, not allowing her the special privilege of taking advantage of you, but maintaining a perfectly reasonable and kindly affect. One possible response is: "I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you value my quilting skills enough to want me to make those quilts for your bosses. So I know you will understand when I tell you that the extensive time investment alone is prohibitive. Perhaps you can find something affordable they might like at the Company Store."

Many years ago, I knitted my extremely hard to please MIL a really stunning cream wool shawl. It was a complex lacy pattern that took some time to complete. I could tell how thrilled she was when she opened the package. She practically danced around the room with it. But I never saw the shawl again until long after she died when my SIL was wearing it one day. I said it was nice to see her wearing the shawl. She said it had been a gift from her mother eons ago and had never been told that I made it. Even the "Hand-made by..." label that I had sewn into it had been removed. So, as you might surmise, I am a bit jaded. Good luck!

Wow, wake-up call for me. Phaedrine just hit me upside the head!

I have thought things similar to this, but have always felt that *I* am being the b*tch. Have tried in the past to tell husband that she is playing the poor-me card, but I won't get into that today..............

Given all you've said, I'm not as generous about her motivations as you. I hope I am wrong.

Takes backbone, which I am still looking for..... LOL

Bingo, exactly!!!!!!!! I don't expect her to worship me, but to sell it at a yard sale for little-to-nothing...then don't ask me to be at yer beck and call lady..............

thx Phaedrine Debbie

I fear me you but warm the starved snake

"Debbie" wrote in news:SrJGg.27251$uV.15838@trnddc08:

I stopped feeling bad, especially since I've been out of work for quite some time. I started flat out saying something like: "Sure! That one will be $1000.00, half up front for the fabric and allow six months turn around time". (or something similiar in a very cheerful, kind and happy tone of voice.) I've yet to meet anyone yet who is willing to consider paying that much for a quilt. If I did, I'm sure I could be a tad more flexible in price and turn around time.) :D

She

Hand her a catalog of fabrics. Ask her to pick out some batiks of her choice and tell her you will need 5 yards of each per quilt and then price the cotton batting?