Panic Attack Time

I know Starlia didn't ask for this response -- it's just an expression of panic. But I'm going to say these anyway:

Okay -- I hope Dan usually does the dusting when she comes to visit. (I know his knee prevents it this time.)

Once she gives it, she can't take it back. You know, with this kind of fear, I'd say this: Buy your own furniture from now on. A chopping block -- or any furniture -- is just THINGS. It is not worth this kind of slavish devotion. This -- IMO -- is awful! I'd hate to live like this for even 5 minutes. ~~ Sooz

------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links

Love you Sooz.

He does and he is on his way home from work to help. His knee is killing him, but he's going to finish dusting for me.

I hate it too. I don't like having a messy house but there are so many more things in life to enjoy that it happens.

We had all our own furniture until she moved. We still have a lot that's ours. We have all antiques, not including hers. I think the only things that aren't are the couch, our mattress, and the computer desk. I don't mind oiling if there wasn't so much junk on top of everything. LOL

Yes, yes, yes and yes.

The woman intimidation and manipulation will leave you physically and mentally sick.

Any around the house chore that causes you physical illness should be done by your partner. And visa versa.

Whoever wants a chore done should do it.

Pay for work. Most people have more money than time.

Don't let your belongings, or your desire for belongs own you.

And..... No wonder you want to go to Antarctica.

Tina

I guess I should say that I'm not doing it for her...I'm doing it for him.

Starlia, if I didn't CARE (capital letters), I would just ignore the whole thing....I'm a nosy busybody, and it worried me that you were working so hard at this!!!! :-(

OH MY GAWD. KLUNK (tell him he got an official KLUNK from) (And I hope he feels better SOON)

ME TOO. No one ever lay on her deathbed wishing she'd cleaned more (uh, except for really over-the-top obsessive/compulsives, maybe).

Okay, girl -- but remember to drink to excess while your MIL's there! haw haw haw HAW ~~ Sooz

------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links

I wanted to explain my post that was in answer to Starlia's Panic Attack post....my reaction was vehement because I didn't want her to have the experience I did recently. It was hard on me -- I didn't want her to feel the same way. (And I want to clobber her MIL! Or sedate her)

I was crying over the holidays because I had cracked from the stress of gift shopping, giftwrapping, getting the house ready for guests, etc.(it's abnormally difficult for me because of illness). Kevin had been helping (remember that he's a quadriplegic, okay? and cannot do a lot of "normal" things), but......I was freaking out. I was really ready to just hide in a closet and come out in May 2004.

He sat me down and told me what for. What for? He firmly but sweetly told me he was hiring a housekeeper to prep the house for xmas. That he was now going to do all the shopping online, and our attendants would wrap the gifts.

I spent the 40 years before I met Kevin doing EVERY-freaking-THING for everyone. The people around me weren't interested in doing stuff, or helping me. They were out for themselves. I still have trouble seeing that I am not alone. I also have trouble seeing that there are alternatives to my doing all the work.

We still have the housekeepers, who come every 2 weeks, and are surprisingly affordable. I am less frightened of getting up every morning because of them (I get scared of pain), and am trying to remember to go to Kevin before I get panicky and depressed over stressful things. ~~ Sooz

------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links

Ditto to everything Sooz and Tina said. I had a grandmother who inspired this kind of freakiness in my mom. It was weird. Then of course I grew up being the same way. LOL! I AM OVER IT.

Stalia, people either love you for who you are, or it isn't really love. It's called control. I make sure the people I love know it. And as for how people feel about me? Well, we ALL would like to be loved by EVERYONE on some level, but I figure the ones who truly love me for who and what and how I am RULE. All others can BITE ME.

Tink

I hear ya, Soozala... It's kind of weird getting used to the fact that you don't have to do it all anymore, eh? Having a true partner is the most fabulous thing!

Tink

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Tinkster :

] the ones who truly love me for ]who and what and how I am RULE.

ME!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

(Jewelry) newest creations: ----------- The measure of the menace of a man is not what hardware he carries, but what ideas he believes.-- Jeff Jordan

*grin* You're a sweetiepie, v... You are my egoboo princess. LOL!

Tink

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Tinkster :

]*grin* You're a sweetiepie, v... You are my egoboo princess. LOL!

that's a title i'll take happily!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

(Jewelry) newest creations: ----------- The measure of the menace of a man is not what hardware he carries, but what ideas he believes.-- Jeff Jordan

I was thinking --- have you ever seen what would actually happen if you didn't dust and she came over?

NOT what Dan said she'd do -- what she would really DO. ~~ Sooz

------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links

YES. And it's *me* who needs to have the house clean for guests -- as Kevin says, "If they don't like our mess, they can suffer, or not come over." He never has told me his mom will freak out if I don't dust. (Dust? DUST? I don't need no steenkeeng dustrag!) ~~ Sooz

------- "Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links

On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 15:13:46 -0500, Dr. Sooz wrote (in message ):

What she said. I've found that the less I cater to my parents, the better they behave.

Kathy N-V

YES!!

Tina

"Kathy N-V" wrote ...

Walk right out of the house. She's done it before.

The first thing I was told this afternoon was the toilet isn't clean. That was in the first 5 minutes of our visit.

I think I'll try that approach. :-)

On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 23:15:34 -0500, starlia wrote (in message ):

Give her a list of hotels in the area. Better yet, have Dan do it. It's his mother, he should make sure she respects his home and his family.

There is no furniture on this Earth that's worth that kind of abuse. If your MIL can't understand that, she has bigger problems than a clean house could ever solve.

If you can't do those things, don't worry. Feel free to vent right here, we're on your side. (BTW, if she saw my house, she'd need CPR!)

Kathy N-V

Kathy, Just got my Basic Life Support CPR Cert so call me if you need me. LOL