Way OT> Not feeling myself right now..

Harry -- periodically there myself, my friend (although glad not to be feeling it now). Is yours seasonal? Because winter has just now hit Ohio, it seems.

Your friend in Columbus - Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

Yep... Winter has came to Ohio all at once! Just the other day it was 60. Winter seems to be the hardest, but the holidays really take their toll. I am bi - polar with a lot on the sides. I rarely venture outside, but love the sunshine. As long as the sun is out where I can see and feel it, I do fairly well. I have my ups and downs. And I do enjoy the highs... but the fall is something that words can't explain. I guess the best description would be the holiday feeling I call it. You are surrounded by friends and family and everyone is having a great time laughing and just enjoying each others company.... then... there is no one... no laughter.... no sounds, nothing but the quiet and loneliness. A severe case of melancholy may be a good description, but lower. I battle other demons, but the depression is the monster that kicks my butt! It just totally drains me of all my energy and will, but I keep going on with hope. Said I wasn't going to talk about this and here I am rambling on. Thank you..... feels a little better talking and seeing it in type. Harry

Hugs Harry! Youre right. It is the pits. I hope it passes soon. Diana

yes it is, and many of us here know exactly what you mean.... {{{{{[Harry}}}}} (that's a hug, if you've not seen them in print before)

And Harry--remember please that the Holidaze season is very much a factor in depression cycles, whether you yourself celebrate or not. Its like nuclear stuff----people just start shooting off little bits and pieces and it causes others to shoot off theirs, and if no convenient lead baffles fall into place, things heat up fast. It'll all start calming down in a while, as we in the world no longer have quite so MUCH to react to....just the daily stuff is depressing enough, LOL!!!! Sarajane

Sarajane's Polymer Clay Gallery

to seem like I am ignoring anyone or

it. I would expand farther but this may cause

will respond to most or all comments when I start

because I don't have the energy or desire to

leave really sucks and do I wish they would

Harry wrote: > Depression is the pits! Thank you for listening to my ramblings. > Harry

I'm quite familiar with the feeling, Harry. I've been chronically depressed since I was a teenager, and also suffer from SAD. This winter has been particularly bad, and I've had to go back on anti-depressants just to keep on keepin' on.

If your depression doesn't go away on it's own after two weeks, please see your doctor. No one has to suffer.

{{Harry}}

Arondelle

It sounds as if you are suffering from SAD . I get that it and I hate this time of year. I shall not feel raring to go until around end of March.

I hope you soon feel much better. Shirley

In article , Harry writes

Hi Harry,

I tend to be very up front about having the mental illness of Depression. Mono-polar. All down (specifically regarding energy, not necessarily mood). Chronic and disabling. Feel free to talk to me here or at home chrstina at ptialaska dot net.

Tina

love the sunshine.

have my ups and downs.

explain. I guess the

good description, but lower. I battle other

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@aol.comeatspam (Sjpolyclay) :

]Its like nuclear ]stuff----people just start shooting off little bits and pieces and it causes ]others to shoot off theirs, and if no convenient lead baffles fall into place, ]things heat up fast.

VERY accurate, SJ!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

(Jewelry) ----------- The measure of the menace of a man is not what hardware he carries, but what ideas he believes.-- Jeff Jordan

Hope you feel better soon, Harry. We're a good listening bunch, whenever you want to vent. I've enjoyed your post and am sorry to hear that you're suffering right now.

I can't thank everyone enough for all the wonderful support and understanding. I felt it best to say something instead of nothing.... part of my illness is thinking everyone is upset with me... doesn't like me... wishes I weren't around... and tons of others. None of these are true in real time, but in my mind they become very real untill I can get a grip and make a choice of what's real and what's not. I know it sounds a tad crazy and I do not expect anyone to understand, as this is my stuff, ( being nice), lol Hey there ya go I laughed... feels good. I have been reading all the post through the group and it has helped tremendously, but don't think it wasn't hard. All I wanted to do was go in my room and just hide untill this left me, but I didn't want to. Does that make sense? Enough ramblings... time to back back to living even though I still feel a bit down and out. Harry

I forgot something that also helped to improve my mood a little. I was walking through the house and happened to just glance at my New Zealand calendar, ( I have 2 from friend there ), and noticed I had mark my dates to change my tumbler grits. I didn't want to, but this has to be done.. depression or not. So I had 2 barrels to change. Now I have 1 batch in the polish stage and 1 batch in a pre polish stage. So in about a week maybe less, I will have fresh Paua to post and in another week and a half another batch. If I can get the energy to scan and post. I haven't come up that far yet. Hopefully tomorrow will be much better. The GREAT news I have and didn't tell anyone, because of this stupid depression is: I have oredered my 12 pound tumbling beauty and it should arrive real soon. When I start it up... it will contain LARGE Paua shell pendant pieces up to about 3 inchs long and about

2 to 3 inchs wide. I have had the shell pieces for a long time and couldn't tumble them. With the holidays and fighting these feelings.. to be honest...I didn't care either. I can't thank all of you enough for helping me today. It's hard to remeber that the only way I can help myself is that I have to help others. No not people pleasing... another monster that controlled my life for many years up to March 1989. Thank you my friend of Bill W. Harry *** Do I ramble or what! ****

(((((((((((Harry)))))))))))))

I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and it's in full swing right now. Take care of yourself, and try to do things that please you. Sometimes it helps to talk about it, sometimes a sun lamp helps. Whatever you do, know that we are here for you, and many of us understand.

I never thought of the sunlamp.. wish I had one. I know this will past as it does every year, but it's so hard to get through. I am feeling better with all the support and want to thank everyone again. Harry

Hang in there Harry. Feeling alienated when depressed is not unusual. You recognise it as part and parcel of the condition, which means you manage it as well as can be expected when in the grip of an attack.

In the words of Terry Garr from 'Tootsie", when I feel depressed, "I just have to feel like this until I don't feel like this anymore!!" LOL Actually, I don't recommend this in reality, I seek help if it goes on too long. I usually repeat Terry's words to make myself laugh; it helps.

You're not crazy, you're human.

I have a portable Ott light, with a full spectrum bulb, and have it on for about

8 hours a day in the winter. I do my quilting and beading under it, and I know it helps. You can get an inexpensive one at JoAnn's. I swear by it, as do many of my friends who suffer, too.

On Mon, 5 Jan 2004 15:09:11 -0500, Harry wrote (in message ):

Not understand? You'd be shocked. I spent much of my life feeling that way, and that nothing I could do was good enough. You have my sympathy and empathy, and I'm ordering you to stick around. We're a strange bunch, but most of the time, we're good for each other. You'll find a lot of support here, along with the beads.

BTW, I've found that getting out of the house and getting a bit of fresh air really helps. I'm not always well enough to do that, but when I can it makes me feel much better. If I can't get out, I try to sit in a sunny window.

Kathy N-V

On Mon, 5 Jan 2004 15:48:45 -0500, Harry wrote (in message ):

Does anyone besides me think that the OTT Lights help? Maybe it's just that I love creating and OTT Light = creating. But it is a full spectrum light and might be helping, at least a little.

Kathy N-V

Thank you. I too do these things, but today the weather is horrendous and there is no sun. I have found that by reading the newsgroup it has helped so much. It's hard to see others having fun and laughing, but as the day moved on the feelings lessoned and I feel better, but not at full par yet... on my way though! :) Thank you so much!