What da Ping Thing was like....

It has been one of those weeks were being a parent was very hard.

Cheryl

Long terms, they'll both be fine. But as DS has already learned, not applying himself earlier in school as already resulted in being shut out of his first choice school. (He got to talk to the rep briefly when they were at his school.)

I want DD to able to decide "I'm not interested" rather than being told "We're not interested".

Was the rep a volunteer or an employee? Either way, I wouldn't take a no at that level as gospel.

Elizabeth

It was the admissions rep from on of the big Boston names with BIG hockey programs. The comment was related as much to his lack of seriousness about is grades as his huge swing between an A to a D+ in the same (supposedly favorite) subject.

Cheryl

Right, but hasn't he just started his sophmore year? I doubt seriously that last year would count against him if he shines from now on. Really. So tell him to get on the stick, shine from now on, and go ahead and apply to that big name when the time comes. My mother always said "make THEM tell you no." And count himself lucky to have gotten early warning. In fact, what a nice vignette for his application essay, no? "... and as you can see, I've applied myself successfully since that conversation..."

Elizabeth

And having someone inside the system push his application is always helpful. Get the hockey coach on your side, and some sins will be forgiven.

In some ways, I hope he isn't forgiven because it is an object lesson for DD.

College acceptance should depend solely on grades - the sports should be an added bonus for the school.

That would be putting one child over another and I'm sure you don't mean to do that.

Right and my father shouldn't have had to make any phone calls to get me into his alma mater, either; but the shoulds and the realities don't always mesh. I'm glad he didn't make those phone calls, but he still kicks himself.

But telling DS now that he has no hope of his first choice takes away his motivation to get those grades up and keep them up, no? And the reality is that colleges look for explainable improvement, too. "I was learning how to set and keep my priorities, and look - I succeeded!"

Elizabeth

More like she learns from his mistakes - as I am sure we all do

I'm with you.

I think his second choices are more realistic ones. There was no way in hell he's make into BC. He's not a do it all kid - grades, school activities, a sport and volunteer position along with a job.

Besides, he'd never keep up the effort for straight A's...Grades don't matter enough to him. C

Friend of the family taught at Princeton. When he found out they'd rejected me, his first comment was "you should have put my name on the application". His second instinct was to go tell the admissions committee to let me in "because I say so".

Like Brat, I'm glad I didn't go that route; I wanted to see whether I could get in on my own, and was perfectly happy with where I wound up. OK, I admit, when it was announced that Prince Albert of Monaco would have been in my class at Princeton, I did consider that being queen might be worth swallowing my pride and asking for help. But seeing what a playboy he turned out to be, I am now convinced I made the right decision.

...joining the conversation late...

I have to agree with Elizabeth, here. He's got plenty of time to apply himself and demonstrate consistency. And hopefully, this incident will provide the motivation he needs to do just that. He should apply anywhere he's interested!

--Mickey

On 10/28/07 1:16 PM, in article It3Vi.155279$Da.114833@pd7urf1no, "mickey" wrote: Snip

Yes, I think he should apply to places he wants to go. But he hasn't acted on the knowledge that his grades will affect were he goes to the fullest extent he could. He needs a study skills course, but won't go. Needs a writing workshop to bring him up to full speed - ditto. (and no, he won't let Mom teach him these things). Is he paying attention to his work, yes. But .....

Excuse me? Won't go? Surely Mom has enough leverage to make him go - ghu knows my mother wouldn't have taken no for an answer on those two - no study skills, no hockey.

Elizabeth

. He needs a study skills course, but won't go. Needs a

At a certain age and size, you cannot physically force a child to do something. And they have to learn from their own mistakes. Whether you like it or not.

Cheryl, I am sympathetic - we are going through major growing pangs with my soon to be 14 yo son - LMK if I can offer a shoulder!

Linda

I said nothing about physical force. At that age, I was already 5 inches taller than my mother and weighed nearly as much as she did. But I don't think that things like study skills courses and writing workshops should be optional for a high school student who needs them and is hoping to go to college. Kids do have to learn from their own mistakes, but there are some mistakes that you can't afford to let them make. You wouldn't knowingly allow him to drive drunk, saying oh, well he'll have to learn from his mistakes. You don't knowingly allow him to refuse to gather the skills he'll need for later, either. In my home culture, study skills would have been more imporant than hockey practice.... If I wanted a ride to hockey practice (especially if it meant getting her up at o'dark thirty), I'd have had to go to the study skills class.

Elizabeth

Dr. Brat wrote: > If I wanted a ride to hockey practice (especially if it

I agree.

And if your state requires a parent's signature for a learner's permit, I would make sure he knows that, too, is contingent on cooperation.

Never saw the last post.

But, first, I have to get Dad to look at school in the same light I do.... This is a sore subject around the house.

No one, and least of all the schools, would have tolerated that.