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ot- a cat's New Year's resolutions

The following list was forwarded to me - some of them could work in my home - most of them would not....I found Winston on the kitchen counter yesterday (a no-no) where he was quite happily chewing on the bananas and licking the skins. He has always been attracted to organic items and loves to climb into the fridge to check out the vege bins. I doubt that he would make any resolutions to alter his behaviour though - he likes being who he is - I wouldn't change him either. jennellh

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of Roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.

I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.

I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

If I must claw my human I will l not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

If I must give a present to my human guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live bug, even if it isn't as tasty.

I must not leave muddy paw prints in the toilet after having a drink of water.

Reply to
jennellh
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You *know* how dear I think Winston is. If he has a whim for some fresh fruit, perhaps he'd like some minced apple. It doesn't take a lot, just a teaspoon or two will be fine. It's a little trouble to keep an apple set aside for Winston, and, of course, you will want to remove the browned part but he doesn't care how much trouble it is. Apple is very good for a kitty's digestive system. Our Sweet Pea loved his Apple time everyday. After all, Winston is entitled. Rub those whiskers for Aunt Polly.

Reply to
Polly Esther

So cute!!

I'm amazed that my current cat roommate does not jump up on the kitchen counter. I can leave an open can of cat food there, and he won't jump up. He does run from one end of the apartment to the other chasing the bluejays. He also gets caught behind open doors. I'll partially close the bedroom door to hang my robe on the hook on the back. He gets caught between the wall and the door and doesn't know to push on the door to get out.

Reply to
Kay Ahr

While I don't have (and never have had) a cat, I feel compelled to comment. ;)

Here in the desert, checking every door wouldn't be so silly, as it can be raining in one spot of the area and not right across the street (or on the other side of the house)!

Hmmm ... I might add that a quilting frame is also *not* a hammock. ;)

Reply to
Sandy

Yup. It rains on the living room side (north) of my apartment but not on the bedroom side (south). I'm the one who tends to get up to see what the sky is like on all sides.

Reply to
Kay Ahr

It was my cat Charlie who loved to share an apple with me (he lived to be 25yo) and Winston's breath would definitely by better with fruit over onions....jennellh

Reply to
jennellh

Reply to
jennellh

Winston and Katie are the 2 cats who don't object to sharing space with my arms and the laptop - I can only support them for a short time and then they must leave.

After a kitchen experience yesterday, I'll add this to the list: I will not jump on the back of my owner while she has a pair of scissors in her hand whether she is cutting crinkly wax paper or not.

Yes, it was Winston who wanted a birdseye view of my activities (I was cutting round liners for cookie tins).

jennellh

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Reply to
jennellh

Jennell, I am printing out this list for the entertainment of my mother and the edification of my cat. LOLOL!

Reply to
Carolyn McCarty

Cat and Fish

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Little Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Pipe Man -

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Pipe Man

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