OT: My Loveing Aunt

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing!!!!! ME-Judy

thank you, Tia Mary and Judy. This was made more difficult then it should have been as my aunt's brother (my uncle) found out and he just wanted to let it go. I couldn't do that. What really hurts is that they are spreading horrible rumors about me to make me look like a lier. And now people are going to learn I was telling the truth.....and how ugly can that be at times!

Thank you both. I'm alone in this and it's nice to have someone to reach out to for support. Thank you.

Donna in WA

It's an awful situation, but please don't feel bad. You did the right thing, absolutely. Is your aunt's brother the father of the miscreant cousin? That could explain his stance, but he's wrong. I might also wonder if he profited too, but that might just be my suspicious mind, created by too many years working in the criminal justice system.

Iris

Yes, absolutely.

Don't feel bad, feel proud that you are an honest person.

You did the right thing. I stifled my suspicions, and believed myself to be a bad person to have such ugly suspicions. I should have spoken up. I should have taken a stand. No one will ever know the truth now, and it no longer matters.

You did right. Don't back down and don't worry about losing their love. Do you really crave the love and approval of thieves and those who would support them?

Sunny

You did the right thing - your cousin did not.

-Irene

you are right on, Sunny, about needing approval from thieves. Wasn't looking at it that way and you're right.

The police report has been sent to the city attorney and I can't get a copy at this point. As far as APS, I can, by law, have a copy of their report. Left a message on their phone Friday and I haven't heard back from them. Hopefully tomorrow I will or it means another phone call.

The uncle is not the father of my cousin, but the brother of my aunt. I'm not sure why he and his wife took the position they did......probably just didn't want to have more family hurt from this. Problem with that is that they were accusing me of lying to others when I wasn't and so not only wasn't I believed but people thought awful things about me.... liked I'd make something like this up. That hurts the most as it includes other family members....like my sister.

This hasn't been pretty and who knows how this all is going to end. Some of the lying was to the police but I had evidence to show them. So now what? Ugly.

Donna in WA

We don't get to pick our family, Donna. If we did, we certainly wouldn't go down to the jail house to choose. I'm wondering if your cousin has read your aunt's will and knows that the estate is to be divided and cousin won't get what she feels 'entitled' to. I'm wondering if the will leaves her estate to the Home for Unwed Gators. Just no telling what's been going on. Just no telling. I am so very sorry that you have had this to deal with. My hat is off to you for standing up for that dear old aunt who cannot protect herself. I'll only climb into the pulpit just for a few words here but I am much reminded of the scripture which says, "Whatsoever you do unto the least of these, my brethren, you do it unto me". I'm reckoning that a helpless elderly aunt qualifies as least. Polly

Thanks, Polly. Your post reminded me of something. This cousin told me not so long ago that our aunt actually had "2" wills. I talked to my aunt's attorney and mentioned that to him. Seems she only has the one. There truly is just no telling what's going to happen.

Donna in WA

Donna, you're not blackballed from my mailing. You did the right thing. I faced a similar situation in my ex's family, with fiduciary elder abuse by his niece/goddaughter/only granddaughter. When it was brought to light by he and I to the others, in a family meeting, we were both looked on as "bad guys". Over the course of several months, his siblings convinced him that I was a troublemaker and causing all the problems. Meanwhile, their mother [my ex DMIL] had no money after being ripped off by the granddaughter. I was not able to bring charges. I stuck it out for 3 more years, and then left.

G> This is another "should I have done what I did" post even

You definitely did the right thing by bringing in an unbiased 3rd party to review the books to ensure that your dear Aunt's best interests were being protected. If === and I do mean if === you did anything wrong, it was "talking about it" to other family members. Calling APS was absolutely appropriate. If there was no wrong doing to be found, it would have been a done deal.

Family gets territorial and lose common sense when money comes into the picture. I hope that the assets purchased with your aunt's monies are sold and the money returned to her (even though she will take a loss).

How sad that by being honest and caring you have become "the villain".

My 87 year old aunt (who's always been a second mother to me) has severe dementia (sp) and is now in a care center. My aunt choose her neice, my cousin, and her husband to be her primary caretaker/guardian/will/ executor of estate. During the time my aunt was home, my cousin handled every thing financial and I handled all the outdoor yard mowing, gardening etc. Then I discovered something.

I had never checked on my aunt's financial affairs as it was in the hands of my cousin and I would never have thought that she would be dishonest in any way. But I was an accountant for 10 years and a quick look at my aunt's checking book and savings, well, things did not add up. I don't know how much was "taken" but I'm sure it's in the 1000's of dollars category.

During this same time frame, my cousin and her husband bought a new travel travel, a new huge doublecabbed truck and then most recently a new car. (not as in brand new but close.) Now they both are retired and also have house payments.

It was easy to figure out what was going on but to be sure, I thought I'd do the right thing and have my aunt's financial situation be handled by those payed to do just that: Adult Protective Services and the local police department.

This doesn't look like it's going to turn out good and I am being hated for doing what I did.

I would have done the same thing for anyone.....no one has the right to abuse our elders or our children. But I'm being told I should have just left it alone because my aunt still has enough money to take care of her in the care center and so I should have done nothing. Done nothing?

My aunt trusted her neice! It's not fun being hated but I know I did the right thing. Right? What would you do if you found out a loved one was being mistreated by someone else in the family?

Sorry this is so long. Hope somebody still reads my posts.... I know I have been black-balled by some.

Donna in WA

And as to the being black-balled - just lately, my computer has black-balled Pati, Judi and Sandy. Their posts don't come here until someone else copies them forward. Thus far, banging my head on the keyboard has not resolved the issue. Polly

Polly -- regarding your missing posts.... It seems that all three have g-mail addresses. Maybe you didn't block them specifically so they are not showing in your blocked senders list. But some email applications allow you to block a sender's domain (which would be g-mail) which would be puttimg all of them "off limits".

Do you have the option to "block senders domain"? and if you do -- have you inadvertently blocked g-mail or google?

Just a thought.

Way to go.

You did the right thing. And if people hate you for doing the right thing, that just goes to show how wrong THEY are.

Claudia

If we could choose the families we are born to, some people surely would have no relations at all. Best to do the right thing, even if your relations get into legal trouble. After all, they were the ones who acted dishonestly! Roberta in D

You did EXACTLY the right thing, all along. No question. It took courage and you are suffering for it, but no question at all that this was both the right and proper course of action.