Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for
*me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it.Hug quilts.
We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that.
Now I've seen the other side.
I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do.
As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect.
(Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.)
Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I
*really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all."Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more.
And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't.
*******Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so.
I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first :) member of the group.
Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL
--pig