Sooz...do you have any perfectionist tendencies? I find that I have some, and I act them out in "procrastination", and that it keeps me from "doing" in that way...
all these little tendrills whip around and get into big tangles, don't they?
The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized LC in Sunny So Cal Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@aol.comnospam (LC aka Fiddy) :
]My ]parents did their best. They actually did a great job, considering. I have to ]undo what I tell MYSELF about how they acted and reacted with and to me.
thank you! that was what i was trying, fumblingly, to try to convey and wasn't sure if i did.
]...I'm ]sure that by trying to protect me from the kind of fatal events that befell my ]brother, they didn't mean to deliver the message that I was 'less than ]competent'.
exactly [well, i hope not, anyway]
ALL parents have problems, of differing degrees. i 'forgave' my father long ago for some of the things he did/didn't do, because when push came to shove, i never doubted that he loved me.
when i became a parent, i realized just how hard it is on both sides.
no matter how hard i tried, i was going to make mistakes [from the children's point of view, with their own unique makeup] now matter HOW hard i tried. some of the mistakes i haven't forgiven MYSELF for - but at the time, i didn't know any better or was under too much stress to realize what i was doing.
and i'm NOT excusing child-molesters or physical abusers. ever. they have to be stopped, somehow.
and yes, some parents can inflict mental damage.
but we each still have to 'let it go' and make our own lives. at least we have them to make. i think.
[gotta get back to work - i'm trying to make sure everyone understands that i'm NOT speaking specifically here - just some generalizations i'm trying to come to grips with!]----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
Big Hugs Sooz.
I know what you mean about the paralysis. I suffer from that too. I have alot of different crafting things to do and sometimes can't do them. But can't bear to part with them either.
I'm 44 and have CRS (Can't Remember S**t) I inherited it from my Mom. She has it too.
On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 15:55:43 -0400, JoAnn Paules wrote (in message ):
Only when the child was going through the testing for her own special needs was I diagnosed. It certainly hasn't been a problem for me (once I was done with school). I read the Hallowell books, realized I had worked out my own accomodations, and went back to my regular way of living (Post-it notes are my friends).
ADD and beading go together very well - the hyperfocus aspect comes in very handy when working on something complex. Can be tough on the family though - Bob goes a little nuts when Manda and I are both in "pinball mode" - bouncing around from activity to activity.
No, wait - I was "only" 34-ish. Not that it matters. I was well into adulthood before anyone diagnosed me with learning disabilities. It was actually rather amusing, because I did very well in school with a couple of notable exceptions: typing class (all those repetitive drills), sewing class (a whole year of learning to blind hem and hand baste things).
Especially bad was one high school English class where the teacher did nothing but pontificate on his own wonderfulness and conspiracy theories. I was bored out of my freaking mind, and I had the bad luck to sit in the front row. The teacher took my falling asleep _very_ personally. (And once I had the unmitgated gall to question him. How dare I?)
I'm concerned because this guy is still teaching at the local high school. I don't want Manda to have to endure him and his whacked out theories. I have warned her to never, ever mention my name in his presence, because he's the type who would take out his loathing of me on my kid. God help that guy if anything happens to my kid. Bob would be considered docile and sweet compared to me.
Kathy N-V
So true. I am afraid that people will have expectations of me that I can't live up to. This really got bad when I could no longer hold a job and people "expected" I could make a "living" on my "artwork".
Stephanie
I've always had it, but I was much more able to be high functioning until I also developed hypothyroid and endometriosis. I'm learning how to function all over again, and it's very very hard.
It was nonetheless a TERRIBLE, HURTFULL way to be treated by anyone!!
((((Sooz)))
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Deborah Barilleaux" :
]I'm 44 and have CRS (Can't Remember S**t) I inherited it from my Mom. She ]has it too.
well, yes. that is a factor, too!
**grinning**but it's the "oh, look at that . . . where was i? what was i doing" syndrome that is making me nutz!
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :
]ADD and beading go together very well - the hyperfocus aspect comes ]in very handy when working on something complex. Can be tough on the ]family though - Bob goes a little nuts when Manda and I are both in ]"pinball mode" - bouncing around from activity to activity.
BINGO! exactly!!!!!!!!!!
thank you once again, Kathy. it's the hyperfocused part that kept me from recognizing the ADD, i think. Oran just watches me and shakes his head, grinning.
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Jalynne" :
]I've always had it, but I was much more able to be high functioning until I also ]developed hypothyroid and endometriosis. I'm learning how to function all over ]again, and it's very very hard.
evidently, i have, too. but i was a very competent, highly-functioning, secretary for multiple people . . . until everything came crashing down all at once.
it's been eight years now . . . and i'm only just now even figuring out what happened!
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 14:52:20 -0400, vj wrote (in message ):
I wanted an Easy-Bake Oven in the worst way as a little girl. I asked Santa, and my parents, and my mom pronounced them "stupid." She told me I was free to use the real oven anytime, and never really understood why that wasn't the same.
When Manda was about four, I bought her (me) the stupid Easy-Bake Oven. She was bored out of her sneakers as I eagerly put the thing together, and mixed the little box of powder with a couple of teeny pink spoonfuls of water. Manda came back briefly to spoon the batter into a teeny little muffin pan and we slid the pan into place, right over the light bulb.
The little muffins were terrible when they were finally finished. Manda ate one bite and refused any more. Even Sophie decided these were too yucky to eat. I threw the disgusting things out.
Sadly, mom was right - the Easy-Bake Oven was stupid, and I had been better off without it. Bummer.
BTW, Manda never cared about the toy, and it went into the attic for several years before it finally got donated to the church tag sale.
Kathy N-V
OH MY!!! I'm an admitted failed perfectionist! And I keep meaning to join that group of procrastinators I've read about but I keep putting it off. Maybe that's a sign of a true procrastinator?
Werks fer me! ROFL
The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized LC in Sunny So Cal Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)
As it happens I've been doing research on ADD/ADHD (for a possible thesis project down the line). And it sounds like this is VERY common.
Frequently, parents are referred to someone to get their child evaluated for possible ADD. When the doctor starts explaining all the symptoms, or has the parents go through the list of symptoms to see whether they match their child, one or other of the parents will suddenly realize that the symptom list matches things they've noticed about themselves all of their lives. When the go back and trace through their school records often they see the expected pattern in comments from teachers, etc (that is, people with ADD fall into several categories of behaviors which tend to have very predictable (or actually, unpredictable, unless you understand ADD) paterns in their school behaviors which would've been noted by teachers, even though the teachers at the time did not know about or think of the ADD diagnosis but perhaps only saw the child as a problem child or in the case of ADD without hyperactivity, a spacey child).
marisa2
I remember how uncomfortable my mother was when I "changed" or was in the process of changing. She was very surprised by it, sometimes pleased, but always waiting for it to go away and totally stumped as to how I was able to make such deep changes. Poor woman -- she never achieved that kind of healing in her own life.
Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows
I can completely disprove that saying. LOL.
Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows
My mother had been a pretty sorority girl. She was bad enough to me when I was little....When I started to become less of a child, she freaked, I think. I was prettier than she was, or had ever been (I see my looks as separate from me in a weird way). Her antagonism toward me revved up and it was never the same ever again. Just enldess hostility and malice, until I left home at 18. (I almost ran away before 18 a zillion times.) ~~ Sooz
BTW........I love the "and junk" part of this subject line. ~~ Sooz
GOOD point.
~~ Sooz
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