OT: Forgiving/Letting Go and junk

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "JoAnn Paules" :

]The memories don't arise often and when they do, I let the ADD kick in and ]sure enough, hey, there's a deer. Wow, I wonder where it sleeps at night?

point!

but i want to know how you got the ADD under that kind of control???????

That will work for a while, but not in the long run. Kalera is right on about this one. And the sooner you address it, the less power it has.

It's like PTSD, or may even is PTSD. The longer it is unaddressed the less likely you are to overcome it, and the more likely it is to get *worse*.

Tina

live thru them again.

You know, that's exactly what I was thinking. (unfortunately for those of us who have memories that are hideous yet paralyzing.)

Everyone is LOATHE to recall such things. Of course. We'd be sick to want to do it.

The problem is, they will come out in unlikely places. I know that the deal with my childhood is hijacking my ability to create anything. Or produce anything of any kind.

Really good article about this in the September Oprah magazine......page 99 -- immediately made me think of this thread. Short piece, with simple guidance. I so heartily recommend it! ~~ Sooz

I don't blame you, but I can tell you that after going through it you can heal from what happened, in a way that isn't possible when you're still trying to suppress them... however successfully.

-Kalera

It'sot a terribly strong case of ADD. I just let my thoughts run rampant. It doesn't always work but eventually those old memories go back into the dark corners.

What is PTSD?

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "JoAnn Paules" :

]What is PTSD?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I was being treated a few years back for some other issues when my therapist said I had mild depression and the psychiatrist (who I had to see for meds) said it was ADD. About the time my therapist wanted to get into the childhood issues I lost my job - and insurance. I just never set therapy up again. Not because I didn't want to but because for some of the time I didn't have insurance. Now it's more critical that our medical money be spent trying to make Keith a bit less encumbered by pain.

(Reading that it sure does sound like I'm avoidiing therapy. I don't think I am. It just seems more important to get Keith healthy than to do with old wounds.)

Joann -- Let me add my gentle suggestion to the mix by saying this. You might consider leaving yourself open to the option that, if the coping mechanisms fail you, there are always other things you can pursue. I hear you very clearly say that what you do now works for you, and back the hell off. And that is legit. At least in my opinion.

For my other friends here -- no one does anything about an issue, no matter how much it needs to be addressed, until they are ready. No one. Be gentle and let folks make their own decisions about their lives. Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

No, I'm not going to tell you to back off. Everyone here has been extremely caring - and it's appreciated. One day I would like to talk to a professional about all of this. I'm sure it explains things in my life - but it also defines part of who I am and I'm a pretty decent excuse for a human being. I'd never deliberately hurt any one. I was going to add "not even myself" but I have engaged in some pretty self-destructive things in the past. Nothing lethal, pretty much legal - mostly things I'd prefer not to admit to.

Thank you all for being so sweet - maybe if I'd known women like you a few years ago I wouldn't have done those things I don't admit to now. :-)

I will weigh in on this side. For decades I avoided the ugly memories from my childhood. I called them my "dark pictures". Sometimes I would get a glimpse of some really traumatic incident from my childhood. Just a momentary flash, then the picture would go black and a few seconds later all I would seen is some forced snapshot of a "happy family". Which ours never was. I was in my 40s before I was actually able to see one of the black pictures. It made me throw up. It also made me find someone I could talk to about it. Only when I was able to look at each instance, talk it out and deal with it did the issues of the past lose their control over me. It's very difficult to do, but very worthwhile when you can.

Well good, because those of us who have been through this know that you need therapy. I'm just not in favor of pushing people where they don't want to go. I'm glad you can see it that way, JoAnn. It is the only thing that helped me. And when people who know me well come to me and ask me how I dealt with that issue, that is all I can tell them. It is all I can put in the mix, because it was what worked for me.

Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

This is true! I just want her to be happy. JoAnn, I hope you know that too!

-Kalera

I've been there too. I am who I am, and *most* of the time I'm really happy with who I am. I wouldn't change anything if I could, to tell the truth. But I've done things I rarely talk about. You're not alone.

-Kalera

Yep - I do and that helps more than anything else ever has.

I have noticed the phenomenom "when the student is willing the teacher appears" happen for me. I think when it is a good time, things will start to unfold for you. Perhaps they already are.

Stephanie

Maybe they are - it could be that I have many therapists name Sooz, Kandice, Vicki, Kalera, Becki, ..................

On Sat, 21 Aug 2004 20:37:14 -0400, BeckiBead wrote (in message ):

Amen. I was ready when I was ready, but it took a lot longer than some people thought I should take. (Didn't know there was a time limit on these things)

Right now, I have one doctor pushing me to see a therapist, because he thinks that the pain I'm having has a psychological component. That may very well be the case, but my "friends" at the disability insurance would be free to end my benefits if they believe that my illness is psychological, rather than physical. It sure keeps me from seeking any formal counselling.

Part of me wants to tell them to shove it and do as I please, but we can't survive on what Bob makes just yet. And part of me is offended - hearing that my pain is psychologically based makes me think the real message is "we think you're faking."

So right now I'm holding back. I muddle along the best I can, keep hoping that I'll find that magical combination of treatments that will give me my life back, and do what I can for other people. Since I'm content and happy almost all the time, I don't see any pressing reason to seek therapy.

Kathy N-V

Obligatory Bead Reference: I am the world's worst wireworker. No matter how I try, my wirework is not up to showing to anyone beside myself. But I keep trying, hoping to make "simple" wrapped loops that are so very useful.

Today, I did just that! I had some of those Peruvian ceramic beads in the shape of dinosaurs, and I wanted to make them into a charms for a charm bracelet. The first three or four were less than quality work, but once it clicked, the loops looked at least marginally respectable. I did 24 charms, and just need to attach them to the actual bracelet. Hooray!

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "JoAnn Paules" :

]It'sot a terribly strong case of ADD. I just let my thoughts run rampant.

darn. well, not for you, but because i'm still looking for ways to get it handled.