vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@aol.comeatspam (Sjpolyclay) :
]Panic attacks and allergy attacks have similar roots and some similar "feels" ](the crawly, itchy, icky thing.....). Could you be having a reaction to ]anything you are stirring up while cleaning like dust or pet dander? Anything ]blooming by your house?
oh, yeah. and since i've moved up here, my allergies have gotten noticeably worse - fast.
and you're right - when i'm having trouble with allergies [thank all the gods for Sudafed, or i'd never be able to breathe] the "claustrophobia" is worse.
i do have a vacuum that has a water tank, so i don't stir up any more than necessary. the dust drives me nuts. and i think it's finally getting through to DH. but mostly it's having moved from 3000 sqft to
1500 sqft. even with a 10 x 30 storage unit, there isn't enough room. and DH doesn't help, exactly.
i'm still trying to work on it!
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
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Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.
I understand both of your points of view, but I just wanted to point out how incredibly freeing it is to know that you are ending the cycle of abuse. Your parents had their own demons that cause(d) them to act as they do, but not being a slave to one's upbringing is so freeing and wonderful.
There's something indescribable and touching, and so amazing about knowing that you found a way out. Your kid(s) won't ever lie in bed, terrified, wishing they had never been born. Knowing that they're not afraid to tell you about their mistakes and their problems, because they know your reaction will be one of love, and your response will take the form of "how do we solve this together?" and not anger or violence.
I wish I could take all the credit for ending the cycle of abuse in my own family, but it took a lot more than me alone to find a way out. DH, who was never physically punished, spent hundreds of hours with me before we even contemplated having a family, talking about alternatives to the patterns I thought were normal. His parents were (and are) incredible role models, and although I certainly don't want to do everything they did, they were amazingly enlightened parents for their era.
There was also a huge group of people who participated in the newsgroup, misc.kids, who discussed parenting issues from every possible perspective. Hearing all of their different viewpoints (and some were downright scary) helped me sort out my own feelings and develop my own way of parenting. The abuse I suffered as a child certainly colored my views, because I never wanted to be the cause of another person feeling the same powerlessness, rage and worthlessness that was so much a part of my growing up years.
Lastly, in finding my way for DD, I found my own way out. I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. As I gained experience and became more confident in my parenting skills, I learned to parent the sad little girl that was still in me. I can acknowledge the things that happened to me without anger or the desire for revenge. That's because DD and DH taught me that I am a good person with worth and value, despite the hurtful words that seemed so much a part of me that I thought they were true.
Go carefully friends,
Kathy N-V
On Mon, 4 Aug 2003 15:06:28 -0400, Deirdre S. wrote (in message ):
On Mon, 4 Aug 2003 17:35:20 -0400, Sjpolyclay wrote (in message ):
Or you could be having a reaction to household cleaning chemicals. Most cleansers give me an allergic reaction that looks remarkably similar to a panic attack. I've found that plain old water does an awful lot, and that baking soda makes a wonderful cleaner and scrub for the really cruddy surfaces.
Besides, I hate, hate, hate the smells that permeate most detergents and cleansers. To me, they have an overpowering stink of cheap perfume. I prefer that my house smell like nothing, or something natural (like an apple pie or baking bread). If I wanted cheap perfume, I could buy it and spritz it all over the house with a lot less bother. (BTW, why does the scent-free stuff always cost so much more? I'd think that they'd be saving the expense of the cheap perfume and could pass the savings along to me. :-) )
A very dear friend of mine once said to me "no pain is as great as your own pain, simply because it's yours". Comparing pain is meaningless-- it is only a road to more pointless guilt that we don't really need to pretend we own.
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :
]Or you could be having a reaction to household cleaning chemicals. ]Besides, I hate, hate, hate the smells that permeate most detergents and ]cleansers.
oh, yeah. i react really badly to perfumes and detergents.
but mostly it's the claustrophobia acting up more than normal.
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
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Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :
]There's something indescribable and touching, and so amazing about knowing ]that you found a way out. Your kid(s) won't ever lie in bed, terrified, ]wishing they had never been born.
AMEN!
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
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Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.Regime Change in 2004 - The life you save may be your own.
They now have out wipes and sprays that include vinegar...why people buy them is beyond me when you're right and plain-ole vinegar and a paper towel wipe up just as well and is CHEAPER too. Vinegar is good for taking the "heat" out of a sunburn too, even if you smell like a pickle afterwards. LOL! But I like pickles...
Yes. It isn't until you have truly done the first that you can genuinely do the second, IME.
What is cool is that it isn't all that hard to do the first, once you decide it isn't too late, and you set aside your programming that it is pointless or silly relating to your historical self that way.
I really like the smell (and the effectiveness) of Simple Green. It is considerably more environmentally friendly than most cleaning chemicals. I don't know where it stands on the allergen scale, but it might be worth trying if plain water and baking soda don't cut it for you.
I like PineSol, too... There's a "natural" version that's even better, but the place that carried it moved, and I've never gone to their new location... can't remember the name, now, either, but the company that sells it was started by the guy who "invented" macrobiotics. And, I liked the pink stuff (Phenol something...) we used to to clean up in microbiology classes, and in the hospital labs, until OSHA decided something was "wrong" with it.... Kaytee "Simplexities" on
That sort of thing *can* be defeated, but it has to be truly by your own decision that you're ready to face both it and what lies behind. I like what someone upthread suggested: consider what you'd need in order to be able to face your demons, and concentrate on acquiring that. Once you have the resources, the demons themselves may not seem quite so scary.
The other question to ask yourself is, do you gain more than you lose by living behind your iron wall, or are there things you know you lack and wish you had, which are sealed off from you? If you're completely happy with the way your life is, then I can't in good conscience recommend you to make changes even if it's not the life I would want (or wish for you) to have.
oh yes!!! It wasn't till I heard some of the things said in group therapy that I really understood that things can ALWAYS be worse. I felt much less put-upon. And there's **still** so much work to be done in learning to utilize potential and choice, no matter what your background. Sarajane
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