Re: OT: help please.

Good ideas. My sweetie is a clinical social worker, and that is an approach I favor, too. Psychiatry specializes in the medical side ... chemical imbalances and prescriptions.

Psychology in general focuses on your individual biography.

Both important factors. But clinical social work also traditionally includes the *context* in which both of those things arise. The people and events and institutions around you that influence your well-being, either positively or negatively.

Not to say that psychologists or psychiatrists are automatically going to ignore that context. Only that it isn't necessarily part of their primary focus.

And I suspect that what you may need most is someone to help you shift from feeling like you *are* the problem, and need 'fixing' -- to someone who *has* a problem (which is compounded by the circumstances you find yourself in, along with a whole lot of other people) -- and is ready to start learning how to develop problem-solving skills.

Could you think of a therapist as a coach and supporter in learning the skills of effective living, rather than as someone who is supposed to 'cure' you with medicine, or 'fix' your emotional history? Would that help you choose such a helper?

Deirdre

This is exactly what I am suggesting, too. Find things that -you- can do to nurture yourself, to counteract the punishing, uncertain atmosphere you are in. You'll feel less at the mercy of things you have no control over, and you'll be in a much better state of mind to do real problem-solving when you need to.

Deirdre

Oh, Marisa... this is just what I used to say. I could think of a million ways to defend my family members because they didn't hit me very often and they didn't do some of the really horrible things that we all think of as abusive. They were cruel and insulting in other, more subtle ways.

It makes it easy to minimize your own pain when you start comparing yourself to those for whom the pain was more visibly dramatic and thinking that somehow you're unworthy of the pain you feel.

However, if you feel it, you feel it. You have a right to feel exactly what you feel. You really don't have to fudge around the edges of it trying to make it fit more neatly into this category or that. It is exactly what you have and what you own, just as it is, and it needs no justification. If you're hurting, you are hurting. You have a right to acknowledge that and to have others affirm that, too.

((((marisa))))

Laura

Marisa: As you may have seen in my previous posts, I suffer from depression and have for more than 20 years. It is a chronic condition that needs care, much as cancer, epilepsy, etc. does. Sometimes it requires pharmcological care, terapy, or both. I have been on medication for a long time, and in therapy almost as long. I have tried being off meds, but for me, they are a necessary part of life. .. and I *do* mean life.

Mental illness is a dangerous as any other illness.

If you have the opportunity, look for your local low-cost and no-cost resources. Ask Lucent's EAP coordinator who s/he can suggest for counseling. It's hard...one of the repercussions of depression is lack of motivation. One of my counselors used to say "When you can't walk forward, crawl forward; when you can't crawl forward; fall forward". Some days, especially lately, I have been able to only fall forward. But more and more often, I am able to crawl forward, and look forward to walking forward again.

Please feel free to write to me if you need support, or information, etc. I have spent a lifetime studying this disease, and have found some things that worked for me, some that didn't but might for you, etc.

Lisa lkgilbode at att dot net

scheduling,

Yeah. What she said. You're coming at the same stuff with a different kind of awareness, and that -is- a positive change.

Deirdre

Marisa, one thing that I learned when digging through my own PTSD issues is that when we are stressed we will frequently revert back to using the old coping strategies that were learned when we were children. Those coping strategies aren't necessarily healthy but they are the most comfortable and the most hard-wired for us.

That you are not applying these newer skills doesn't mean you didn't learn them properly, it probably just means that right now you are reacting to stress overload with a less cerebral and earlier-formed part of your personality.

That can be changed but you first need to become aware that this is what is happening and you will also probably need to create a living space which feels much safer anc calmer to you before you can bring yourself back to a less black-and-white mode of seeing and reacting.

Laura

What a terrific summary of the journey we're all making, Sarajane! This is one post I'll keep!

Elise

I love this. It sounds like it works, too. And I am perpetually in search of strategies that work.

Deirdre

I don't know if I can do THAT.

One of the ladies at the program I was at had a really good way with positive self-talk. Instead of insisting that we think "I am a great person", or "I can be my own best friend", which most of us couldn't do, she helped us think of more moderate statements or ways to reword things.

marisa2

I was checking my mail up to about 7:25pm MST/PDT. I was not able to get back online until around 9:30pm.

• TL *

My psychologist is a clinical psychologist. That "clinical" part makes all the difference in the world.

Tina

thanks Elise--I have spent lots of time thinking about this subject over the years. Sarajane

Sarajane's Polymer Clay Gallery

view my auctions at:

This is another form of the 'inner helpers' I have described. I call it "othering" myself. It gives me someone to relate to on the *exact terms I need*, and can be called upon at the very moment I need a supportive relationship on my own terms.

I can't ever be forced to face difficult times alone, because I'm really -not- alone when these attentive and loving beings can never be denied me, no matter what is going on 'outside'. They have only one job: to see me through things. And they are never asleep on the job, or too busy with tasks and problems of their own to spare me a moment.

Deirdre

And he has always 'felt right' to me, when you described his relationship to you. The 'school' is less important than the practitioner him/herself.

Deirdre

It's not that bad. Really.

I've had several clearances, DOD, DOD contractor, and NASA. For a SECRET clearance, it's pretty straightforward. They do interview your references, but they mostly just check the basic facts on the other stuff. Were you enrolled? When were you employed? You don't have to go back before when you were 16, either.

They will want to talk to people who know you well enough to know if you have an alcohol or drug problem, if you live beyond your means, if you espouse extremist politics, etc.

Since clearances have to be renewed every five years, I've been investigated and been a reference a lot of times. The worst part is the paperwork. Make copies and put them in really safe places.

Mary

When my son applied to Border Patrol it took about 4 months for his clearance. They didn't go back to grammar school, but they went back to college, and I think even a high school reference. I believe they even checked into me and his Dad, though he was 35 when he applied.

Tina

You sound just like me, my dear. Something is really wrong here with you and your job. I "threateed " to quit and then I had the priveledge of being treated like a complete asshole by the compnay when it just kept getting deeper. Ask yourself why you want to quit. My complaints sounded so petty and in retrospect, after quitting, someone else might have dealt better or different, but I bit the bullet and alked away. Not that you should, but you SHOULD go talk to someone. It was uggested during my unemployment hearing that i did not do enough talking to mgmt about why I wasn't happy. Even if you think telling someone is a moot point, do it anyway. Even if it doesn't change anything, and you know, it might. Listen to someone else's perspective. It sounds like you need to change something about the job or some underlying stress. I stayed in this mode for a year and I was fairly wacko by the time I quit. And al I did was give the company time to punish me even more. Rainbow

Tina,

I think you are right.

And it is really hard to take.

I've figured it out in some facets of my life but in others I am still convinced that my "help" is needed if not wanted.

I am not sure my desire to quit is totally one of those situations... the source of my desire to quit is probably more my extreme discomfort with the unknown. But side issues like "if I feel like I want to quit and other people REALLY want to keep their job, I SHOULD quit" definitely fall into the category you are talking about I think.

marisa2