Despite being a mental health professional, I am continually amazed at the variety of ways people find to hurt one another with words. AND the amount of time taken to sift dozens of messages, pick out those that support one's petty bickering, and then bicker about that. I dearly wish I had the time and energy to waste on such activities, while still having time to do everything else I need to. Couldn't that time be used much better to stitch? Or to support each other, rather than tear each other down?
I should have phrased that better - my post was meant to be a commentary on some of the other petty stuff some folks have engaged in when they could instead be doing more productive / encouraging things. Don't get me wrong, I think groups like this are a great place to come & vent & get some support from people who care about you & who can relate to the difficulty you're - or any of us - might be having.
Well, you're a mental health professional - so you must see this all the time. I'm tempted to say a number of trite things - from welcome to RCTN, to welcome to hanging with a large group of people, to this is why people will make negative comments about working with a group of women. IME, this stuff comes and goes, as do people on the group.
Personally, I think the best we can all hope for is to share our stitching, share our tales, and as they say - let the negative stuff just flow past. It doesn't help to chide - remember the last time I tried the "let it go girls" kind of comment and got yelped at for that ...
The amazing thing to me - WRT stereotypes of women being catty, bitchy, etc
- having always worked with men I discovered that the men were much less team-players (blow that myth) as they really didn't want to share information - info being power. And were much more likely to be nice to your face, then stab you or steal. OTOH, when I started stitching, quilting, I was thrilled to find women that were supportive, and witty, and from all kinds of backgrounds that I could share with. My DM thought that it meant I was very traditional when I took back up with stitchery - she couldn't quite get her head around my love for arts, and handcrafts not meaning I wasn't really non-traditional in the other aspects of my personality.
Just don't get me in the really angry mode - at work - I have been known to explain to an older guy trying to threaten/intimidate me - very quietly - that if he ever even attempted to speak to me like that again, or jerked around with my staff, or our program (he was a contractor) I would have his balls hanging on my wall as a decoration. And then I walked out of his office. Evidently the eavesdropping engineers were quite impressed - as they told me over drinks that night.
So, I'm going to go look at my Summer Garden chart to send some info to Joan E - as we're commisserating about unclear instructions - and then finish the resume thing. While doing laundry.
You need to crush something else into his food and knock him out. Or just slap him up the side of the head - cause he's not hurt there, and he should appreciate letting you do what you can for your own sanity.
Sending your Luna Moth out tomorrow - no chance today.
LOL! How right you are, Ellice - on our local group it`s the men who make up 99 per cent of the members - and the bitching and the language that goes on there is totally unbelievable!!! There are a few old regulars with whom you can have a sensible and civilised conversation, but they`re definitely in the minority.
I had that same problem with men. They discover that I cook really well, and that I do needlework, and instantly leap to the conclusion that they have finally found a traditional girl who wants nothing more than to stay home, have a dozen babies, and spend 6 hours cooking a gourmet dinner every evening.
Then we got further into the relationship and phrases like "I wouldn't give up my career for anyone or anything" got them totally confused.
I cook really well because I don't like eating bad food. I do needlework because it helps me de-stress from work. My first mentor in the women's movement was always donating knit/crocheted stuff to fundraising auction, and the second was always inviting us over to dinner. So I don't see the connection between "enjoyable hobby" and "traditional submissive wife".
I guess I've become a part of the problem and for that I apologize. I guess having lived a long time, I have less patience for nonsense than I used to and sometimes I forget that it's better for my health and welfare, and I suppose the health and welfare of others, to just keep my thoughts to myself.
Do what I do - read selectively. Once a subject gets either really nasty or really boring I simply fail to follow it. There are also one or two posters on whose messages I simply fail to click, and at the end of a reading session I punch the "mark all read" button.
I choose to do this rather than kilfiling a person or subject, so that I still have the option to go back and read a specific post if, for some reason, I want to. This is MY computer, I am in charge of what I do with it.
My problem is that, although I don't see some people's posts, I often see the responses to those posts, so I get the whole fool thing anyway.
I will say, it's rather boring after a while to see the same old thing. A whines about her life, B joins in. But then A says B should shut up, so C defends B and A says that C is always picking on her. Same characters, same cycle.
That's my problem as well. Instead of ignoring X's jabs at me (which disappear into my killfile), people feel compelled to quote them, so that I will see them.
If you ignore them, maybe they'll stop. Or, at the very least, it'll be a single "I hate Karen" post, instead of a lengthy thread unto itself.
It's been postulated in another group where there's a similar problem that the real problem is not that the hater hates the hatee, but that people will notice the hater and give her the attention she craves when she makes hateful posts. Just like a two-year-old acting out, negative attention is as good as positive attention, if you haven't done anything worthy of positive attention.
"T Michelle Jensen" ,in rec.crafts.textiles.needleworkwrote: and entertained us with
I would think it is highly abnormal to come to an internet group to look for good advice and support. Most people have real time friends, relatives to consult with about problems.
Though I don't often agree with Mirjam she has repeatedly pointed out there is too much doctoring on newsgroups and I think she is correct in that.
I think anyone is sympathetic when someone has an op or a downturn of something or rather, but continual discussion of health details - I don't think this is the correct place, it certainly would not indicate a very balanced person who had zero friends to turn to.
He was thrilled that someone paid me to knit them a shawl, because I would "have been fidgeting on something anyway!"
He's learned to accept that my hands need to stay busy, and at least if I'm doing some sort of needlework I'm in the same room he's in...my computer being in the next room, thru an open archway, a whole 4' further away from his recliner then my stitching chair!
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