Re: Dear Red States

Wow. I think that a person could just as easily argue that it is selfish to have children as it is not to have them. In any case, I do believe that people who don't want children shouldn't be expected to have them. What kind of parent would a person be who didn't want to be one in the first place?

It's so easy to stand outside someone else's life and judge their choices, but all that does is show the personality flaws of the one doing the judging. Lest this get thrown back at me, allow me to say that it's one thing to judge someone's choices and quite another to judge their expectations once they've made those choices. I don't, for example, think that people who choose to have children should expect to be as advanced in their careers as people who don't have children and therefore have more time to devote to career-building. I'm not one who thinks that any of us can "have it all."

Elizabeth

Elizabeth wrote

(snip)

I often think how lucky your students are! The difference between making choices and dealing with the consequences of having made those choices was so well stated. Thanks Dawne

I don't think either Dawne or I meant that - I meant that certain 'expectations' are levelled where women are concerned.

As a mother and a woman, I kind of agree with you but only because the mother side of me feels that while the children are young either the mother OR the father must devote a large quantity of time to them. If one of the parents is not prepared to do that, then they are not prepared to have children. One can't have it all. BTW I know one family where the father is just getting back to work, he has done a stupendous job of raising the two daughters and her career is soaring. Financially she makes more than he could ever have done and I truly believe he made a better 'mother' than she would ever have done. Win, win.

Thank you!

I'm very lucky because I have great students and a job that suits me quite well. Took a while to get here, but I truly enjoy what I do most days.

Elizabeth

Oh, I didn't think either you or Dawne meant that. I was responding to a comment that Dawne quoted someone as having made to her friend.

I'm not a mother, but this was pretty much my point and why I edited my post to say "people" instead of women. I don't think it has to be the mother, but I think one parent has to be willing to make children the absolute priority when they are young. It's part of why I think that committed gay couples should be allowed to adopt, especially if one partner is willing to be a full time caretaker - children need that kind of attention and often don't get it in foster or group homes (please note, I said "often.")

Bingo.

Elizabeth

The best response to unkind and overly curious questions is a quiet "If you will forgive for not answering, I will forgive you for asking."

Pat in Illinois

I just LOVE that.....and at my mature age, I sure as heck can get away with it! Better than "None of your business, *&()&**.

Gillian

snipped-for-privacy@mindspring.com wrote: Lest this get thrown back at me, allow me to say

Thank you for speaking for a lot of women. I will add: those who think they can "have it all" are more than likely neglecting something: either career or children.

Dianne

That's a good one, I should tell that to my GDIL

Sheesh, I thought it was meant for the question "When do you plan on starting a family" - bit late Gillian eh what ? We are GOWS, I just say, None of your ####### business lol

I've gone past that stage. I don't think GOWs bother with the polite bit necessarily.

It applies to *ANY* inappropriate question....you old GOW yourself!

Maybe I should say, crying, " I lost little Ralphie last month!".

Gill

You can have it all, you just can't have at all at the same time.

Pat in Illinois

Dianne Lewandowski wrote:

It seems to me that today young people, even/especially women, have many more choices and opportunities than my generation had. Typically, a female could go to college and study to be a teacher or a nurse but even better than a BA or a BS was an Mrs.

I like that way of putting it.

Elizabeth

More choices for sure. More pressure in some ways, too, though.

Elizabeth

I was a teacher, so was my sister and several other relatives, both male and female. My granddaughter is in 10th grade and so far, hasn't expressed, at least to me, what she wants to be when she grows up. I firmly believe that the world needs good teachers but I really, really hope that she chooses something else. Primarily because teachers don't get paid enough but maybe I want to live vicariously through her as she travels a different path.

The world is a much scarier place now. We kidded about brass knuckles and swtich blades but today's 'kids' do guns

"Dianne Lewandowski" wrote

Or, as I found out, themselves.

Dawne

I have to smile when I see you are saying that !!!