Very OT, Bad update re MIL LONG!!!!!!!!!

Big, big {{{{{HUG}}}}}

Judy in UK Remove NOSPAM to reply

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Gill and Jim and DMIL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope that she can go to her rest in peace and as painlessly as possible. I am a bit surprised that "independent" living excludes any kind of routine medical care that might have seen the "sore spot" in enough time to have prevented this.

You all do not have a clue as to how much good your support has done me. I have no family, so other than y'all (been in the south too long); I have two children, not related to Jim; my daughter is my power woman,and I do talk a lot to her, my son is a typical bachelor male in the service, at sea, and about to get married. Both in their 40s.!

Incidentally the MIL is my husband's birth mother, but he was not raised by her. One of my stepkids is upset, but that is all. The twit asked her on the phone if he could bring all four small kids to see her. Thank God, the old broad had the guts to say "No". I have been coaching her to say "NO" if they do something she doesn't want, like IVs for antibiotics etc. She wants to go, so let her!!

We discovered at midday today that we have to find a rehab/nursing home for her. We have a neighbor ( RN/SRN in UK) who had her husband near us for two years, and she highly recommends the facility. We called them tonight and they have one female bed free!! We will be over there in the morning, and faxes are flowing back and forth.

The cat problem has been resolved. One of the aides where she was, is taking it. Brandy is gun-shy of everyone ( including me), but comes out for this woman.

Love you all, and so many thanks for allowing me to pour my heart out!!!

Gillian

Jenn,

She never told anyone!! She showered herself, so no-one had a way of knowing. It is a matter of "pride", "independence" and " just my business". Apparently i now know it had started before she saw her physician while she was living here, but she didn't tell him or me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yankee stubborn-ness!! Gillian

In Holland , you also need a lawyer, and social worker to approove it before the it is tottaly legal. And it can be done in a hospital as well . Please go to the web and read some of the debates by the people who are participating and actually doing it or opposing it. And you can find articles that describe how it developed. In Israel it is not legal , but at times a few private cases go to court to ask not to forcefed , or attach to breathing machines. Should None of us be in any place to have to make such decisions , requests or wishes ,,, May we all be healthy. mirjam

Gillian,

I really do sympathize, it's so hard going through something like this.

My Dad has terminal lung cancer, it's been 15 months now, and some days it sure is difficult to cope. The 'pride' and 'independence' issues are there, and I also find trying to determine what is basic personality, what is old age, and what is illness, is tough to figure out.

I admire your MIL for accepting her pending death, my Dad says he has, but his actions don't show he has... We also do not have a hospice locally, so the options when my Mom can no longer care for him are very limited.

I must say some days are better than others, but it sure is a long, hard road...

take care of yourself and your family....

Linda

A friends uncle just died. He was 98. The only time he was sick was the two weeks before his death. Other than that he still lived alone and was totally independent. That's fine, it's the other circumstances that are not good.

Wouldn't that be great?? I know people in their nineties who live alone, have "fun" and are totally independent. My 92 yr old FIL, who nearly died in Jan (pneumonia & influenza) pulled through, went back home and got on with life. He carved a totem pole, for heaven's sake, and then went on a cruise. Another friend drives her RV all the way to Baja Californis, and sky dived for her 90th birthday. I wa talking to another old gent this weekend, who is 90; he is going on a cruise up the Amazon this fall; Walt hasn't decided if he will take a girlfriend with him. I admire these folk. My granny in UK was the same; she had her own house and lived until she was 94.

Well, got to shower, run out and inspect the recomended nursing home/rehab/hospice place.

It is nice to sit and have a chat once in a while with you all out there in cyberspace! Gill

Gil, I'm late chiming in, but please know I'm thinking of you, your DH and MIL. It's not easy to make the decision to let someone go, and I can't imagine being in your place. Just know I'm thinking of you all.

Tegan

Must say that I thought that. You`d have thought that they`d have insisted on a thorough medical examination before admitting anyone, particularly in America where they seem to sue at the drop of a hat. Mind you, it`s getting like that over here, lately!

Pat P

Totally, TOTALLY agree with you, Sheena. I just hope I have enough mobility left if that time comes to get to the drugs cabinet.

I panicked John today, poor love. After nearly falling off my computer chair TWICE earlier because I was nodding off, I thought "To hell with it - I`ll go to bed for a nap!" (John being sound asleep in his chair).

When he woke up he couldn`t find me (You know what a VAST mansion we live in!!! ;-))) and kept calling me but I was so sound asleep I just didn`t hear him!

Pat P

I've told you - YOU have to stop chucking yourself around like this. Conduct unbecoming an old GOW it is!!! People might perceive you have a weakness!!

I can picture it very well lolololol

"Lucretia Borgia" wrote

I disn`t actually FALL off my chair - just NEARLY did! LOL!

Pat P

Tegan,

I truly appreciate this from you. I remember a couple of years back you lost your SO. I lost DH#1 about 23 years ago. My heart went to you, and happily I found another wonderful life later.

The decision to let go was hers, not mine. I am standing on the wings, waving my power of attorney, and Jim with his surrogate health care yelling "NO!!" when they come in with needles and unnecessary tests. Fortunately I have a lot, though outdated , experience in the Med Tech Field. They gave this old woman blood, when she really didn't need it, but was below the norm!! If she was planning the amputation, it was understandable. We are so short of blood, and to toss it down the drain!! Her crit was 30 prior to the transfusion, with haemaglobin of 8 point something. They should have left her alone because, although it is low, an automatic transfusion below 30 is insane in my book!! I put the stop to that too. Then they tried a GTT, with blood drawn every six hours. DH stopped that. She is dying, what does it matter if she is a newly diagnosed mild diabetic,

I think I am, now the "hell lady!".( THAT is another conflict with DH's kids)!! Actually the experienced staff are totally with me. Today she was moved to a Rehab. It was too late to handle paperwork, but manana!! I also put a stop from DH's kids to see her tonight. that is another saga, and they extraordinarily selfish, but she is totally exhausted!!

Incidentally she was invaded today by the grandkids from Miami against our strict injunctions!! She is exhausted, has made the most important decision in her life ( to die), and the rah-rah group arrive. Another story, but they know I am pissed, and stupidly don't understand why. I have arranged with the charge nurse if the they show up tonight with banners painted by kids etc, to tell them they are not welcome, visiting hours are over. Even Jim and I were very politely told at 6pm, that, even though they were very busy, and too late to do the legal stuff, the staff wanted to get Dottie settled in, and they wanted to create a one-on-one relationship with her. She is just 15mins up the road,and I feel good, if we can get rid of the parasitical kids!!

It would be smooth if everything could be done our way. We had no planning on this, but purposely told the grandkids to do NOTHING unil we knew where she would settle, and what was going on. I am so f**Cking tired of the kids saying "I WANT" to see her; the "KIDS" love her. they have seen her once in their lives.

Oh. heck I an feel a Manhattan coming on!!!!!!!! She chose to give me power of attorney, because she trusts me ( see pat, it was a facade). I am documenting every expnse faithfully because I have a nasty deep-down feeling that I will need it!! Gillian

Silly, but the room she has moved to in Rehab/nursing Home/ ultimately Hospice, is warm, and even though she has to share, she seems content!

Love you all

gill

Tegan wrote:

When my great aunt was 98 she also nearly died of pneumonia. "We" (a second cousin, actually) were afraid she wouldn't make it to 100 so we had a big family birthday party for her 99th. Aunt Mabel didn't have children of her own, but she had oodles & scads of nieces, nephews and all of their multiple offspring. She had a lovely time and got things like lipstick, perfume & chocolate chip cookies . She didn't recognize everyone by face, but once we told her who we were she knew all about us. My uncle even arranged for one of the pipers from the police dept. to play Irish bagpipes for a few minutes. Aunt Mabel's only complaint was that it "took so damn long to have such a good party".:-))) To get to the point of this not so short story, we all made it clear to her that she could "go" whenever she was ready & we wouldn't do anything artificial to keep her with us if she was ready to die. As it turned out, she passed away quietly this past December about three weeks after her 103rd. We had also had parties for her 100, 101 and 102nd birthdays.

To get this back to Gill's situation, I'm sure, Gill, that your MIL gave you power of attorney precisely because you did have a somewhat "abrasive" relationship. Because you did deal with her honestly, she knows she can trust you to stick with her requests and be honest with her. I also think that she may have "let it go" as a way of making this all happen. It reminds me of when my grandmother died back in

(((((((((Gill, DMIL, DH)))))))))

Hard times, Gill. You're in my thoughts. I wish you strength for perseverence and - if joy seems elusive at this troubling time -- contentment.

Sue

Wow - it's been several years since my MIL died. She fought it so hard for so long my DH finally said he wished someone would just call when it was all over with. And he was a loving son! Sometimes it's just better to let go. I think it's great your MIL has the courage to do that and wish her a happy, peaceful passing. Take care of yourself too Gillian. Don't get run ragged! Kim

-- Kim's Stitching Shop is Closing Prices Dropped Again! 6/20/05 Lavender & Lace Patterns $5.00!!