Very OT, Bad update re MIL LONG!!!!!!!!!

We're here for you Gill - you haven't had an easy time of it. So when she moves to a hospice, there will be no surgery and she will just be able to die the way she wants? Old age is not funny - it's bloody hard.

Sharon (N.B.) ............................................................................ ........

Sharon

Your post was what i needed!! Bless you, love. You are absolutely right; there will be no therapy but painkillers, ; no Ivs if she doesn't want them, no feeding tubes; it is her call.

I have lived with her for eight years in our home,know her very well, and she really looks forward to death. She had brain surgery in the early 70s, and today she tells me she was 3/4 dead, and was so happy and at peace, and had to come back. True or not, she has no fear of death itself; she is very scared of doctors, and the procedures they promote. Hospice will NOT try to fix the disease, but they will give her all meds necessary for a peaceful passing. Can one ask for more??

I was so glad she made her decision; I probably may have shoved her a bit for this, inasmuch as she said "What would you do?". I told her in my case at 69, I would have surgery and enjoy another twenty years.

Ar her age of 88, unhappy for many years, wanting to pass on, then Hospice is the kindest and simplest way to accomplish this. We took away her gun, and her meds, so she coldn't kill herself with them, but she wants to!! Thanks, Sharon, buddy!!

Gillian

clancy wrote:

Hang in there. It's a tough road, but the folks at Hospice tend to be *wonderful*. They have lots of help available for her and for you. Let them know how you're feeling and doing and let them help--and your friends and family as well.

Best wishes, Ericka

Gillian - It's Ok to pour your heart out to us. We are all like family here. Sometimes it's good to know there are those out there willing to listen. My best wishes to you and the family during this time.

Hospice is a wonderful thing. After her stroke and subsequent broken hip, my grandmother chose the same thing. While it was very hard for us, it was the right thing for her. When the time came, she went peacefully with her loved ones around her.

My thoughts and prayers for you and the family.

Gil , Your Husband , you and your kids are not going through an easy time. May you have the power and energy for the hard times and the empathy for each other in the next period that will follow. mirjam

Hello Gill,

We don't know each other, but I wanted to give you my heartfelt sympathy and empathy. My sister, who's in a nursing home, has developed gangrene in her toe and we don't know yet whether she will lose the whole foot. She's diabetic, on kidney dialysis and recently had a stroke. I'm her only family so it's been very stressful.

I hope your MIL has a peaceful end and that you and your husband get through this difficult time alright.

All my best wishes, Sandi

Think of it from MIL point of view. She's going to see her son again, and he's on the other side waiting for her. We grieve for OUR loss, but I believe the loved ones are just beginning a happy new life on the other side. When I miss my dad or DSis, I often think of that and it helps to know I'll see them again some day.

Maureen

Gillian, so sorry to hear all this. Isn't it a shame one can't receive the same treatment as is available in the Netherlands.

I think you are right about the son. After my brother was killed, life was over for my mother. I just felt sad that she really believed that her death would reunite her with him, not being convinced of that.

You've had a rough passage with a MIL who was not exactly Jim's devoted mother, so you are blameless. Just go with the flow for this last little while. Good thoughts coming your way.

Love Sheena

Oh my dear Gil, may the end for MIL be swift and peaceful.

Hugs beyond counting! Cheryl

Gill, Hugs and prayers for you and your MIL. In reality this has to do with

Your MIL's outlook on death will make it a little easier to deal with when the time comes - it's what she wants and she's comfortable with it - so as you say 'what else could anyone ask for?' I have a friend who died ... for

............................................................................

Hi Gillian,

You can take comfort in the fact that you know she's doing exactly what she wants and will die with dignity and that you always did whatever you could to make her life more comfortable.

Lucille

My heart goes out to you and yours. Some of my volunteer hours are devoted to folks in an assisted living facility and I have heard stories like yours many times. There seems to be something that compels older people to keep secrets in the hope that death will take them before anyone finds out. The responsibility for this is certainly not on your shoulders. My sister was fortunate enough to have hospice personnel attending until the end. Your MIL is in very good hands.

Hugs all around.

((((((((((((Gillian & Jim))))))))))))))

My thoughts and prayers are with you both at such a difficult, stressful time!

Joan

Joan is your email munged ? Was trying to get through to you.

Yes, I know that Mirjam, plus three doctors have to agree you are terminal, as a fail safe mechanism.

I agree with it, I have known people who wanted to be gone, not face the last terrible stages of ALS or painful bone cancer. They wanted to go before their brain was taken from them, before their body was wracked with pain that sometimes pain killers do not help.

When somebody wants to be gone, why do the rest of the people say they may not give up their life ? I say those people have looked at death and they do not fear it as much as something else and condemning them to inch their way out of life is vengeful. Can you explain to me just why you would deny a person this ultimate right ? Can you tell me why you feel you are entitled to deny them that right ? If I was dying and wanted to go sooner, why should you say to me, "No you can't"

I know that for me, once my quality of life is gone, I do not want to wait around.

Lucretia ,

I respect people`s wishes about ending their life in dignity. I don`t know why you ask me this questions? As if i am denying anything to anyone. Having followed the developement of this Human hard dillema , very closely, i have developed certain ideas about it, and changed some of them , with time and exposure to some of the issues. At first i was against it, than i understood more and accepted it , now due to what i saw & Heard i think it is too free and too easy in Holland Please Note that you misunderstood me , i don`t deny it to those who really wish it. I am only more aware of the price others pay. from the medical staff to some of the family members. mirjam

Death is always going to be hard on family members, unless you were hateful! However, if someone is desperate and commits suicide, that can be even harder. There are few methods that guarantee success and those that do are not pleasant if you are the one to come upon the body.

What I understood about the way it is done in the Netherlands is that three doctors have to sign that you are terminal, that in fact, there is no hope. One doctor attends you at your home. That can be done with relatives present if the person wishes, as the relatives might indeed be there were death coming naturally and unassisted.

One shot is administered which puts the subject out, then another shot is given which freezes the muscles so the person no longer breathes. Death is then a foregone conclusion.

As to being hard on medical personnel, three doctors sign, one delivers the shot. Since it is requested, this should not be any harder than watching a patient writhe in pain and the doctor is unable to deliver a lethal shot. I assume that as with abortion, here or in the UK, no doctor or nurse is made to do this duty, rather it is left to those who feel it is an appropriate thing. I believe the doctor still stays within the Hippocratic Oath because they are not doing harm, they are doing the patients bidding.

I know it is controversial - it is not legal here in Canada, despite some high profile cases. Dr Kevorkian in the USA was jailed for assisting people, so it's no better there.

These are just my feelings and I know how I would feel if I were some of the people who begged in Canada to be put out their misery and were denied. I realize other people have an entirely different perspective, I speak only from mine.