OT- About me and Husband - Long

I would. And we have when my insurance covered it. We just really didn't like our counselor. so we stopped after that. I need to see if his insurance covers that kind of thing.

Thanks Marisa. I have started giving him an allowance of $200 for the entire month for food at work, gas money, and whatever he wants. If he spends that money, he goes hungry. Or figure out an alternative to get what he wants.

Hehehe, OUCH !

I know not all men are this way and that is what really ticks me off. I am doing all the work anyway with someone I have to take care of in every aspect. I wanted to get married to have someone take care of me. I want a partner to help me. Not someone I have to babysit.

He just looks for quick fixes and never really tries to actually fix the problem. He constantly takes shortcuts. I really don't feel he is sincere about this talk we just had. He is still trying to figure out how to get his way.

Last night he took his CD's that he wanted to sell and got about $75.00 for them. He asked me if he could by the new Star Wars DVD's (we currently have around 4 copies of these movies). I said yes probably. Well he went out that night with DD to FRY's to by the damn thing. He didn't tell me he was going out that night to buy it right after he got money in his hands. If I would have known he was going to buy it that night. I would have said no defintely not. We are having a Garage sale soon and I thought the money for the CD's and the garage sale we could afford to buy those for birthday or Christmas or something. I feel he lied to me to get his way again. I feel stupid too for saying he could buy the darn things. But I was going to use it as a REWARD at a later time.

DD's birthday party is coming up this Saturday and I was going to use the money to pay for it. Oh but now it is gone! He cannot buy anything any more with out giving me the money and I buy it for him first. I dont' think he can ever change.

Unless it's for books, CD's or going to Lowe's/Home Depot, that's EXACTLY how I feel! Mike is a browser, he'll even drag me into women's clothing stores. It's horrible, I swear. I'm a mercenary shopper...identify the objective, retrieve the object, and get out so you can do something more enjoyable.

KarenK

I know I will have to go out and get a job, but I am trying to figure out if

This is supposed to be "THERE."

-Amy

Remember, though, that even if he decides he is getting something out of the therapy, it won't be fast and it won't "fix" him.

It has to be something worth doing because it needs to be doing, not because you think it will fix the situation right away.

Also in addition to him going by himself you should probably go to couple's therapy (if you stay). They can really help you understand what eachother is saying. It should be with someone other then his individual therapist, so he doesn't feel like you're getting his therapist on your side. His therapist is for him, not to talk him into your side. If it didn't work that way it wouldn't work, especially since he has depression and low self-esteem.

marisa2

Empress Beads wrote:

Sounds like moving there might be a good idea.

Would give you a support system... and a fresh start.

Would your parents let you move in for a couple of months so you can find a job and get on your feet?

marisa2

Empress Beads wrote:

Sounds like you just answered your own question.

marisa2

Empress Beads wrote:

That is exactly how I am. I dont' like to shop at all. Usually because they do not have my size. Now that I have had a child things fit me better. I know that sounds kind a funny. But I used to be to small for most things. I hate shopping for shoes too, becuase I am a size 5 1/2. Most womens sizes start at 6. Nice shoes are always out of stock in my size. pooh! I can never get nice shoes on SALE. I have to buy when they first come out. I often asked the clerk why they don't order more 5 1/2's especially if they are always out of stock on that size. They miss a sale. I am sure I am not the only women that is a 5 1/2 in Dallas.

Heh, Amy. I have the exact same problem. Forget a great Sale deal. I have to buy all my clothes full-price in order to get them in my size.

On a more personal note: I've been watching this conversation for awhile now and have hestitated to reply. I have some information that I think might help you, but I just don't feel comfortable posting it on the Web. (Sorry guys. No offense. It's just that I'm very, very new here.)

Anyway, suffice it to say that just two years ago I was dealing with the exact same problem that you are. Turned out my husband WAS sick. Now he is not, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that he's an angel. The most wonderful, supportive guy you could imagine. I'd like to tell you what was wrong and how I got him to get help. Please email me at:

galdi AT pineland DOT com

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Amy!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Do you love him? ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

And God loves you, and does not want you to be miserable. You are raising a child -- not a child AND a grown child. Your husband is making you be his mother, and a policewoman. That's bullshit, IMO. Totally unfair to you. ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

YEAH. YEAH!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

Definitely. ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

Support systems are CRUCIAL.

~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

Having a mom like that is such a blessing. (We are not all so blessed.) You can always drive to the snow. ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

So, so true.

Yes. Exactly.

YEAH. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AMY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

I'm thinking there's really something wrong with him, and he needs HELP. But you're not the one to help him, obviously, because he never listens to what you say -- just to what he hears, edited out of what you say.

He needs help, but he won't allow it from you. Married partners help each other, but he ignores this idea completely.

He operates as if you are not even there! It's as if you aren't married anymore already. ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce