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OT: At a loss

I've had a weird weird month.

We've bought a new car, gotten new kittens, visited my in-laws, had my parents visit, survived my middle dd turning 14, and I thought things were finally returning to "normal." (Those who know me know nothing about my life is entirely normal!)

Starting Friday morning I started getting emails from someone I've known for years thru AOL's needlework chatroom.

First one just contained these weird vague accusations...someone from the internet tracked me down to say you'd said something about me behind my back.

I was literally clueless. I had groused to a couple friends that I hadn't enjoyed her chats in a long time, because she tended to focus on one chatter to talk to, excluding the rest of us, and any chat dealing with stitching. I hardly thought that was enough to set off the anger I believed I saw in that email.

I emailed her back, asked what on earth I'd supposedly said. She lashed out saying I knew what I'd said, that I was just playing games, that I was basically 100% in the wrong and had no right to even try to defend myself.

She's finally consented to tell me what I alledgely said, and I'm floored. I never use the language I'm accused of using, I don't remember even coming close to saying what I'm accused of, even using different language.

We all know I can be brutally honest, that my way of expressing myself drives some people crazy. But I am honest, I will admit to making mistakes, missteps and other total goofups. In all honesty, I don't know who would tell this woman that I said the things she accused me of. Most of all I can't understand what would motivate either this woman or the person (or people, the story I get keeps changing) to tell her I said the nasty things I'm accused of.

Thanks for listening, I know that there is literally nothing I can do at this point, but I needed to vent. I have been confused, angry and hurt by all this.

Caryn

Reply to
crzy4xst
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OK, top posting is a no-no, But doesn't it feel good to vent to non-judgmental people?? I am afraid I have used rctn a fair amount for that over the years. Cheaper than a psychiatrist anyway!

Hope all is well now, Caryn; keep your chin up, and look forward!

Gillian

snipped-for-privacy@aol.com wrote:

Reply to
Gill Murray

" snipped-for-privacy@aol.com" , blest us all with:

..happens some months :->

Just hold on to the notion that *_it_is all circular, and what is bad today can be good tomorrow.

Good on ya..! Honesty and Truth - with a candid approach - drives many people in forums batty. IF you do not fit the illusion [read = picture] **_they _ ** require in their daily (?) read, you can expect all sorts of weirdos to come out of the woodwork. Read anything on "Anonyminity on the Internet" to find the truth of that statement. The real joke (for me) is that 95% of these "weirdos" who believe they are "safe" have all their particulars hanging out like Lolitas genitals! [and] an attitude that plainly advertises their ignorance:-/ [and] usually, an ISP/ NSP that is very sympathetic to electronic harassment complaints

Typical troll like activity. - as in "fishing for a response". You may benefit from doing some research on the topic. Whatever,, do not allow words on a screen to accelerate the heart rate, at all :-) As the kids say, "chill dude"

As one who has seen most stuff "out here" and a professional [ret] in "Electronic Comms" I offer all of the above as some solace. However you will do yourself a lot of good by doing some research on the harassment topic [and] resist pushing "reply".

Them is the rules :-)

yeh, rants help, but *is* the target listening?

99.98% of the time, No.

,,hope your week is a downhill freewheel and the wind behind you :-)

jLb

Reply to
jLb

Hi Caryn.

I'm a newbie here. But I'm not a newbie to internet insanity. And am a veteran of many flame wars. Took me a while to get to the point where I could, for the most part, let stuff roll off my back. My lupus support group is amazing, there's just never any animosity there at all...except...

early on someone joined the group on behalf of her partner. I was very supportive and we had several backchannel emails where she thanked me profusely for the information and support I'd provided. Then she started talking about alternative therapies. I have no problem with alternative medicine, I simply said what I say about *any* treatments for disease - talk to your doctor and research the drug before you take it because some alternative meds are dangerous to lupus patients (as are some traditional medications.) your basic "YMMV, Be careful" and and so on.

Suddenly I was drug-pushing, anti-holistic, evil, whining, unsupportive... the list goes on. I was heartbroken. people rallied around me and I realized that she was really suffering a great deal of grief seeing her partner in so much pain and feeling helpless. But it still was uncalled for and out of the blue. None of the claims she'd made were true. I was fortunate that people who knew me, knew better. Yup, I'm opinionated. But like you, I'm also the first to recognize when I've made an error and I always let people know it's just an opinion, not an edict. Maybe it's that very aspect of our personalities that makes us targets for people who are hurting.

and that's what I'm getting to in my usual long-winded way - one of the things that has made my interactions on the 'net easier both in support and hobby groups is to remind myself that people who strike out like that are usually in pain emotionally or even physically. They are unhappy for some reason. I can't think of any time when this sort of thing has happened to either myself or a friend that that wasn't the case. The people that raise the most ruckus on my other hobby groups, are people with obvious pain over their past or their current lives. Even for myself, when I'm flaring or sick in some way, I tend to be react more bluntly or even go on the offensive over an issue that is too close to the bone. Though I try to temper it.

so...deep breath, sit down and look at a project you might want to do, fondle some beautiful linen you've been thinking of using, or do something else relaxing and healing. And remember that this probably has very little to do with you at all, and mostly to do with someone else being insecure or hurting.

just my .02 (and a bit more of course) :) advice I could stand to take myself as I got in a tiff with someone last night in RL.

KCat the Verbose

Reply to
KCat

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