OT; PET PEEVES

Oh, ours is definitely a pretty equal partnership, but as he earns the money, I do check it's ok to spend on personal non-essentials. I try hard to finance all the sewing myself, whether personal or household, as part of my contribution. We have this joke that it's a 50/50 partnership - he earns it, I spend it!

Nope! I'm just naturally bossy!

I told mine the same and it worked so well that my 30+ year old son still has no problem saying. "I'm sorry, my Mom won't let me do that." He, however, uses this line when he actually doesn't want to do something with friends or coworkers come up with some harebrained scheme for a project and says it's very effective when delivered with a perfectly straight face. The first time he tried it there was brain-storming going on in "the war room" at work and a very ludicrous idea was tossed out he just said, " ummmmmm, no, my Mom would NEVER allow me to do that." He said the whole room went silent and eyes sort of slowly all turned his way like WHAT DID HE SAY? Then somebody else said, yeah my mom won't let me do that either and so it went around the table. It is now code for, 'that's the dumbest thing you've ever come up with' or 'when pigs fly'. He's even had people come up to him at work and ask......"Do you think your Mom would let you go to lunch with us or should we call her first". He says they aren't as good at keeping a straight face though ;-)

Val

Yes, a "little white lie" it's called. Amazing what we do to save face or avoid hurting someone's feelings. "I can't go out with you Friday night, I have to wash my hair." "My dog ate my homework." "I can't go out and get drunk with you because my wife won't let me." hehehe

Fine. Glad to. But why does our local organization call itself the Washoe Association for Retarded Citizens? Incidentally, they do great work with a sheltered workshop, thrift stores, job training and placement, counseling and support. I contribute to their efforts regularly, and a friend is a counselor there.

As an old person, I sometimes wonder why we have to change the language so much. Some folks don't like the term "crippled" yet we have the Crippled Children's Fund. Is being blind now referred to as unsighted? I know blind people who would be greatly disgusted by that. I think the real problem is not the word, but the thought behind it - any word spoken in a pejorative manner is an insult, be it "Southerner" or "Muslim" or "retarded." Meanwhile, I will retain the manhole cover in front of my house, and decline to call it a "personhole cover."

Please accept my best wishes, Dave. I hope that your child will reach his full potential, which I am sure he will with a parent so involved and caring.

My MIL lived with us for several years, and called my husband "Lord and Master" until he asked her to stop. She wasn't really fooling anyone, she ran the house with an iron hand, and I never did meet her standards.

Old terms were the ones they used when they actually wanted to describe a situation/thing. The new politically correct terms are a form of denial. I still, and will continue to, use the old terms.

My DH refers to his first wife as his 'practice wife'.

Evidently, practice makes perfect

;) Trish

I dunno, I don't see it as a white lie or I would never do it. I see it more as an "implied non-permission" because in my children's case they know that if they don't want to do it I will gladly say that they can't if that's the only way they can get out of it.

Or, to bring it back on topic, to save money: "Oh, dear, that's the sewing machine for me but it's $xx more than my husband wants me to pay." Then SHUT UP. The next person to speak looses. It should be the salesman saying "Well, perhaps I can knock $yy off the price..."

Ooh, I love to haggle :-)

Sally H

My ex-husband used to refer to me that way, and so did his mother. Right in front of me at the dinner table, she'd tell him "pass these to the wife".. ARGH!!! I really don't think it was intended to hurt or disconnect me, but rather just their particular way of speaking.

My current husband refers to me either by my real name, or as "my wife".

I hear "hubby" used quite a bit. I think it makes him sound like a toy.

Heh, "Hubby and The Wife"... the perfect couple.

You are RIGHT and you raised a smart man. One day I heard my husband telling our 14 year old daughter as she was leaving to go out with some friends that if anything came up that she didn't want to participate in...just to tell them that her Dad wouldn't let her and to call home. Same thing.

I guess the one thing I never want to be called is an old NAG. I did hear my dad cal my mom that once and I couldn't believe she didn't whollop him! Joy

Ohhhh - I love pet peeves! Amazing how much you can learn about a person :>)

I hate it when people (usually by men who don't know me well or they'd never, ever do it) call me hon, dearie, sweetheart, babe. They usually realize their mistake when they hear the growl.............

I really hate it when male acquaintances assume the right to hug, rub my back or shoulders, pick lint (imagined or real) off my blouse, etc. If they don't get the hint the first time, I guarantee they "get it" the second.

And Dave S. - I hear your frustration about offensive "labels" - I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and a few other problems that are as serious, but not as visible as the crippling from the RA. I am on disability, permanently. A lot of people get irate if they see you park in a handicap parking space and you aren't crawling when you get out of the car. I can spot a "newby" from a mile - not only are they dealing with pride, they're waiting to be accosted. However, most people aren't offensive on purpose, they just don't know. And what's correct terminology today isn't tomorrow. The instinct to defend and protect our children is strong, and it should be. I understand that, too. My grandson has PKU, and his diet and health problems set him apart from the other kids. You can't scream at the whole world for life not being fair, much as you would like to. You can "teach" or you can, in turn, offend. Teaching is harder, but lasts longer.

Sharon, stepping down from her soap box. (Who, by the way, has not necessarily learned her lesson well enough, because my MIL still makes me crazy at times)

Here, here. It's not the words, it's who's saying them, and with what attitude. Black people have dark skin compared to white people. Mentally retarded people have a mental capacity that is retarded when compared to most of the population. It's not name-calling - it's fact. Their area of limitation is their mental ability. Not physical

- mental. In other words, it's truth - and the truth is nothing be afraid of hearing. After all, some people could use the term "intellectually challenged" with much more scarcasm & hatred in their voice than "mentally retarded" is used - and vice versa.

Now really, how are people who "don't know you well" to also know that you don't care for this? One of MY pet peeves is people who get offended because perfect strangers aren't in tune with whatever their personal dislikes might be! And I have practically NO patience with it. For instance, years ago I responded to a Prodigy board message by someone named "Suzanne", which is how the message was signed. She jumped all over me, saying her name was SUE. Now how was I supposed to know that? It was a waste of energy on my part (and hers) to take offense at either part of this exchange, IMO.

My other BIG pet peeve is that only women are called "bitch", and only women "bitch" about things. There is no male equivalent of this horribly offensive term, so it's exclusive to half the human race. I find this to be awfully unfair. Karen Maslowski in Cincinnati

A friend of mine has just received his 'Disabled' status from the health folk, entitling him (at last!) to special parking and all the rest... He thinks it's a two edged sword. On the one hand, he gets free parking, a mobility allowance, lots of other stuff, but on the other hand feels part of his life has been taken away, and he will find it harder to find good employment. He's a software engineer, so it's not as if he's looking for physical work, and a happy, working person is more likely to stay well than a depressed unemployed one! And people DO give him funny looks when he parks his quite sporty car in a Disabled parking slot and climbs out... But they look at him differently when he shuffles slowly off with bent back and awkward stance! (He has ankulosing sponilitus [sp?], and it has affected his upper spine and lead to the development of a heart condition) Mind you, I think he's used to the funny looks, from driving his mum about at times: she's had her disabled badge for years because of pulmonary oedema. Nothing to see on the outside, but it sure does slow her down physically!

I feel very lucky that the Fibromyalgia hasn't done this to me!