OT: another death in family

Well, it's up to you, really. I like visiting our children (we go to one later this week) but they also come to us.

What is lovely is when they go home or we come home! It's such a delight being with them but so nice when we're by ourselves again :-)

That only applies when we or they spend some time with them or us, if you know what I mean. No 1 son has been here all day and we didn't feel relieved when he went, No 3 son comes a lot too but not to stay because he lives in the same city, we don't feel relieved when he or his family goes.

The others are different. It sometimes seems as though we're treading on eggshells by the time we've been together for a few days - and I'm sure they feel the same.

Still, as long as we keep being asked to go and we continue asking them - and they come - it will be good.

The main problem is when they all get together ... then we KNOW what eggshells are :-) all our children and their spouses are so different, independent thinkers that it's not surprising sparks fly! At least they feel free to express themselves and there are no real hard feelings.

I'm always reminded of the play, Dear Octopus by Dodie Smith, about a family which is like a creature with long, separate and disparate arms. When they're locked together the sparks fly - but if any one of them is threatened the defences are ready to protect The Family, 'that dear octopus, from whose tentacles we never quite escape.. '

When our RAF son was first sent to the Falklands he was newly married, his bride was in Scotland, geographically apart from all of us. But the family wrote, telephoned, visited and generally supported Christine who they mostly hardly knew. It didn't matter, she was a Fisher now, one of us, one of them. I was proud of all of them, Christine was surprised but comforted and enriched.

Mary

I love Dodie Smith. Keith would agree with you, but the guilt keeps hitting me. One of these days, we will have our OWN holiday.

Higs, Katherine

Yes, so do I. And I can never hear that play too often.

We've never felt the need for a holiday as such but we do spend quite a few weekends away but while we enjoy them it's not leisure. I suspect that both of us would suffer from idle hands :-)

It was like that in Scotland, staying at our friends' beautiful house but feeling tied ... I should have taken my knitting!

Mary

"Mary Fisher" wrote in message news:46c9faaf$0$764$ snipped-for-privacy@master.news.zetnet.net...

While I only have one child, what you said applies to my siblings (and used to apply to my sister-cousin Linda too). We love each other, and are happy to see each other, but by the time the visit is over (especially if it goes longer than a weekend) it just feels SO good to be on our own again.

Sounds like my family. ;o)

Although I've never seen or even heard of the play before (don't go to plays and I don't care for reading them either), this *really* sounds like my family. We've gotten into some heated conversations, to the point where a couple of us didn't speak to each other for a while (my brother and myself, who are the closest... we did eventually make up of course), but if anyone (including any of the other siblings) said anything against the other, we jump to the defence with hackles up, ready to protect. LOL

That's very nice, Mary. No wonder you were proud of them. :o) I remember when my older sister's husband was sent to Cypress when he was in the army and my sister was alone with four young children (the second one had *just* been diagnosed as deaf... they had thought she was just being lazy in not speaking and allowing her older sister to speak for her) to care for. While we gave her space to carry on with her life, we did go to visit her once a week and I would take the two older ones outside to go for a walk or play in the fresh air for a while (I was a teenager and didn't care too much for kids at the time, but I did it anyway) while my parents were paying attention to the two youngest ones and helping with dinner and tidying up the children's toys and such. My Dad would bring along a large box of fresh vegetables out of his garden to save her on buying them at the grocery store or market, and they would also bring along a couple of dishes of food to add to the meal. Carol looked so exhausted when we would arrive, but rested and more in control when we were leaving after tiring the kids out enough that they were ready to go to bed early. ;o) She always appreciated our visit, and said that it helped to give her a break from the stress of worrying about her husband while chasing after four young kids all week. And of course the huge box of fresh vegetables from Daddy's garden kept her from having to take four little kids shopping more than once a week (for meat, eggs and milk).

...

What a great family! Thanks for that, Gem,

Mary

LOL I always take my knitting with me.

Higs, Katherine

I always have a knitting with me , better not to touch it [when i have it ] than have HOURS of free time and think i COULD knit ,,, mirjam

:o) Thank you, I think my parents did a very good job in raising us and we strived to raise our kids the same way. Most of the grandchildren turned out well... one or two... well, every family has at least *one*, so they say. ;o)

So far we haven't got *one* among grandchildren. They all go through a degree of unpleasantness in their teens but they come through fine at the other end.

I remember that when we had teenagers it sometimes felt as though we were raising juvenile delinquents :-)

Mary

Funny you should say that. Matthew and I were talking about this just the other day. I went through a rebellious stage during my teens (If I had been my parent, I wouldn't have made it through the teenage years. LOL Actually, I wasn't *that* bad, just extremely moody.), but Matthew didn't rebel in his teenage years. Instead he went through a not-so-nice stage a couple of years ago (he just turned 26 this month), where I was about ready to shove him out under a truck at times. LOL Even his best friend couldn't stand him at times. Thankfully, we got through it and his moods have settled down a lot more now. :o)

Ours didn't rebel as such, it was the secret smoking, the playing with things we didn't like, the (I suspect deliberate) smashing of dolls' house windows, the selling of a tandem, the stealing of food, etc. Now they admit to these things and more, not with pride but with shame, so they have learned some values somewhere ...

Mary