Just so you know, Kaytee, my posts weren't directed at your situation, but were simply thoughts based on an outgrowth of the conversation at hand! I know your situation is NOT typical, and typical parenting will not solve your problems!
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kalera Stratton :
]*I* think it is, too, because it usually gives me about an hour ]of reading time.
**grin** that was what my daughter thought. she doesn't dare leave the room when the boys are getting their baths. they have a LOT of fun, but i thought i was going to drown when i offered to do it for her one night. **chuckle** nothing destructive. just water EVERYWHERE. luckily, she's a lot more tolerant than i was.----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
On Wed, 10 Sep 2003 2:02:03 -0400, Kalera Stratton wrote (in message ):
Actually, no one likes being deprived of their dignity, and it can be used to one's advantage in civilizing the little guys.
From birth on, I maintained a running commentary while caring for DD. "Now we're going to change your diaper. I have to do this for you now, but you'll be really big soon and will able to keep yourself clean by yourself, like all big people. Won't that be better?
and they learn
I'd always warn them that the time to go was impending. "When Barney laughs like a pedophile one more time, I'm turning off the television and we're putting on your shoes." (We only wear shoes to go out)
The countdown got easier once they could tell time, but I used a kitchen time for a while, too. If you can see fifteen minutes counting downward (it's a digital timer), it's a lot more real than mom saying you have half an episode of Spongebob before we go.
Mine is "How about getting those old glasses and stuff out of the living room? I'd be so happy if it was clean before you watched television."
One time, DD complained that I ask for things like she really had a choice, when it was obvious she did not. I told her that I'd be happy to re-word my request: "Clean the dishes up now, and I'd best not hear the television before you're done." She chose my usual style.
I think the gotcha is the begging, pleading tone that lets the child think that he can decide what acceptable behavior might be. As the parent, it's my job to decide how my child schould be civilized, and not leave it up to them.
I don't ask much: for words, the phrase we use is "Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?" and "If in doubt, keep your mouth shut."
For actions, all we have to do is our duty: We could do no more, and it would be shameful to do less than our duty.
We've taught that those in power (whether by size, age or position) must protect those without power. Parents are to protect children, children are supposed to protect the weaker and younger from those that would bully them. DD successfully got a group of toughs to leave a mentally handicapped child alone by telling them that there was no honor in tormenting the weak. Real bravery means standing up to people who can kick your *ss.
Not every person deserves respect, just because they're in a position of power. However, you may have to "show respect to the office, rather than the office-holder." When I was in middle school, the principal was visibily drunk 95% of the time (he was passed out the rest of the time). Did he personally deserve respect? Heck no! Did I respect the principal? Of course. The office of principal deserves respect, even though the person currently occupying the office was a loser.
Everyone is deserving of kindness. Even "wierd," unpopular kids deserve kindness. Not that snarky, "watch me be nice to the geek" kind of stuff, designed to get a laugh from the clique, but genuine kindness that doesn't make distinctions between a child with Down's and the Football Team captain. Stay out of inter-clique wars. You will invariably come out on the bad side when the others make up with one another.
School is not the real world. I was the quietest, geekiest kid at school, voted Class Angel, Most Shy, Quietest, and most studious. Most people thought I was going to go become a hermit or a librarian. As you all know, I did none of those things, had a very successful career, and am a very happy person. My lab parner was voted these same things, and he got his PhD from MIT in half the normal time, and is a big-shot researcher for some secret government whatsis.
A friend of mine really broke out of his school reputation: His abusive parents put him to work on the farm at age 5, and he got very little formal schooling. At 14, he was on his own, having to earn a living and support himself. At 18, he met the girl of his dreams and decided that they needed to get married right away. (Understandably, her parents were horrified) Anyway, time has passed. He earned his degree while working full time to support his new bride and _her_ college education as well as his own. They have a lovely home (all paid for), two great kids, and the kind of life that makes you think they were born with silver spoons in their mouths. Who would have believed that this successful man was once a five year old kid, wearing clothes from the Goodwill bin, and eating scraps because no one thought they should have to feed him?
I think I've rambled way off the subject, and it's really late. I'll write more tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy the beads and be kind to one another.
Kathy N-V
Advice I am happy to follow. Thanks for another good tale.
Deirdre
Seems to me as though there's a middle ground to be had between "non-choice question" and "rude demand" -- the polite request. "Please move the dishes from the living room into the dishwasher before you turn on the TV." That's the approach I take with my partner's daughter.
Celine
My kiddo would have run right out to view it up close.... Kaytee "Simplexities" on
On Wed, 10 Sep 2003 17:21:13 -0400, KDK wrote (in message ):
For some reason, when DD was in that "I want to smell bad, so I'll fight a bath tooth and nail" stage, she didn't seem to get the idea that swimming is essentially the same action as bathing.
So I put her in her bathing suit to go in the tub. She would "swim" while I washed her, and I'd have her "look for the fairies on the ceiling" while I rinsed her hair.
Kathy N-V
vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :
]Cooly, and utterly unimpressed with my outburst, she replied, "Hey lookit. ]I'm three years old. I stall. That's what I do. When I'm four I'll do ]something else. Them's the breaks."
what a marvelous child!!!!!!!
----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)
O.M.G.!!!!!! Holy crap, your DD has said the funniest things!!! :)
No idea where she'd get such a gift with the vernacular, either...
Deirdre
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