OT: What a bummer (highly depressing)

:(

*hugs*

I think you are really, really tired out. And it shows.

It seems (from your writing) as if you've been feeling worse the last few weeks. Maybe it is just the lack of pain meds?

thinking of you...

marisa2

Kathy N-V wrote:

Wow - what people will say when they're concerned! "Are you dying?" Sheesh! Not - "is there anything you need?" Or "We've noticed you feeling worse, is there anything we can do?" But "you look awful - are you dying? Don't mean to insult you!" Kind of tactless, IMO. (((((Hugs))))))

See, now **this** is a nice way to show concern and love.

Ok, I have the advantage of seeing Kathy N-V in my mind's eye, without the trappings of her body that betrays her so much.

Here's what I picture: A russet colored ball of warmth, couched in a cloud of humor, with shining orbs of loving motherism orbiting it all. She attracts what is trite to her, and transforms it into the unique and special.

I don't see hair that needs to be brushed, or skin that needs exfoliating, or anything else physically limiting. When she posts about her pain, I see these sharp, barbed wisps of harsh colored pain, swirling around her, and I try really hard to see them leave her and drift out a window into a filter where they come out the other side as cool, clear water.

I'm thinking that the offending SIL is perhaps being blinded a bit by her own fear of Kathy's situation. I'm far enough removed, and marginal enough to be able to "see" Kathy through her beautiful writing, and her beautiful mothering.

So, Kathy N-V, stick THAT in your peace pipe and smoke it! LOL...cuz THAT'S what I see!!!

The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized LC in Sunny So Cal Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)

She loves you and doesn't know how to address the situation. I'm pretty blunt too and I would have probably asked the same way not even thinking twice.

I hope you are doing better soon. I think we should get together on the pain meds and kick some doctor butts. Viva la resistance!

well... I guess there are some sad situations in some families where someone really is dying (eg of cancer) but doesn't tell anyone. My grandmother didn't tell us for months because she "didn't want to ruin my wedding". I can't remember what really made her tell us. Sometimes in our family people kind of unofficially know something but dont know it, or people think everyone unofficially knows something but they don't. (We still can't figure out if my dad's cousin is getting a divorce, for instance. We are pretty sure at this point that htey are separated, from context clues.)

It's hard to know what to do in these situations, but sometimes people feel they'd rather know.

Sorry for Kathy though.

marisa2

Kandice Seeber wrote:

Kathy, I'm so sorry you have to put up with her stupidity and tactlessness. Anyone who had to endure the level of pain that you do would look "rough". You still look beautiful to me.

Cheri

Oh, sweetie, I have a small amount of understanding. When I gained all the weight (a pin prick of a problem compared to what you go through) it became a very public issue.

Remember who you are and when someone asks 'that' question, may I suggest that you reply, "Why yes, I'm dying to kick you right in the cobblers." A smart ass reply will cheer you up no end.

((Kathy))

If you got a SIL like that who wants enemies. Shirley

In message , Kathy N-V writes

Hi Kathy.

I'm sorry that you got that call and I hope it's not offensive to say that I'm glad she worked up the nerve to ask. Sometimes people think things and wonder, and they just go on and on creating all kinds of things in their imagination that might not be true as someone's 'condition' turns into a big 'family secret' that no one talks about. Hopefully you were able to talk to her and explain what is going on (if that was what you wanted).

It sounds like she is concerned, not being mean. But that's just my take on it. I don't know the full story. I guess that's the wonder of the internet.

Also, let me just say that there is no way that I can even relate to what you go through...I'm not pretending to understand.

Big hugs to you.

I seldom post here, but I read the post everyday. I noticed your story about your SIL. I remembered when I was very sick with my lupus and at the time I had only told my immediate family. A friend called after seeing me out and about and asked what was wrong. With her being a RN, I thought I was safe telling her.

I told her that I was having trouble getting my lupus back in remission. And then I heard, "Oh YOU'RE GONNA DIE!". :( (this in not the case in 99% of lupus cases)

I literally dropped the phone and was quite shaken. I picked up the phone and said, "Honey, we are all terminal. Look out for buses as you cross the street!"

She became a little too dramatic for my taste and I told her so....so our relationship drifted apart. It was for the best.

When I am feeling badly, when I cant comb my hair, when I cant take a shower, or even hug my son....I take a deep breath and face that one day. Just one day. No one knows what tomorrow brings...so don't bother trying to guess. Just breathe deeply and face today. I know exactly how unending pain wears on you, and I wish I could just let you lay your head on my lap and I would comb your hair for you.

Your SIL sounds like she was worried about you and reacting to her past experiences. When you are feeling better, maybe you can talk with her about this. And remember....we are all terminal.

Janet R

This is what I thought too. I've had people ask me such things, and it never bothered me. I knew how I looked. I don't really *care* how I look, except to Kevin, actually.

Looks just don't matter that much, Kathy, which you already know. I think what probably bothered you was probably the way her comment made you think about your health, and the fear it made you feel. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

Kathy, I'm so sorry your SIL is so insensitive. So what if your illness has changed your appearance? I'm sure it has not changed your inner beauty one bit, and that's what counts, isn't it? I have a best friend of over 40 years. I have another best friend of over

20 years. A couple of years ago, those two met for the first time. During a phone conversation a few days later, friend #2 said, "Friend #1 (I won't use names here) is not very attractive, is she?" Needless to say, friend #2 got an earful from me about how cruel that was to say about someone, and besides that, I never even noticed! And that really is the truth. I literally had to sit down, look at a picture of friend #1 and look closely at her features. I honestly never even paid attention to what she looked like as far as being attractive or not. I always noticed her hair, or what she wore, but that's all. So what's the big deal about appearances, anyway??? Inner beauty is all I've ever been interested in. Being neat and clean is a plus, but that isn't always that important either (well, I'm not too fond of B.O.!). Kathy, as far as I'm concerned you are a beautiful angel, and that's what you should see when you look in a mirror. So there! Carlinda

Good grief. A nurse should've known better. Shame on her. ~~ Sooz To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton Pearce

This is the part that makes me feel sad. Its the d*mned pain that is changing you. Its the pain that is ugly. Lets hope your doctors get their sh*t togther and get some relief for you. Love you Kathy, you are beautiful. Diana

Kathy

it may not have been TACTFUL

but what she was saying - in her own way --- was that she was concerned about you....

as are we ALL!

HUGS.....

Cheryl DRAGON BEADS Flameworked beads and glass

well... I guess there are some sad situations in some families where someone really is dying (eg of cancer) but doesn't tell anyone>

OH MOST DEFINITELY!

A guy I worked with didn't even tell his WIFE - he kept lying to her that he was getting better- and would be ok.

On a Friday at work - he was in bad shape - (I was a paramedic at the time) - and I threatened to call the base squad for him. He insisted "NO" - my wife will be here soon. It was the last time I saw him - he died Monday morning. She didn't find out he was dying until Sunday night - when the doctor told her he had warned George he had only a few weeks to live - two weeks before......

George did NOT want her to know - and she blindly did not want to "see" how sick he really was....

Cheryl DRAGON BEADS Flameworked beads and glass

Remember who you are and when someone asks 'that' question, may I suggest that you reply, "Why yes, I'm dying to kick you right in the cobblers." A smart ass reply will cheer you up no end.>

HAW HAW HAW good one Marisa!!!

Cheryl DRAGON BEADS Flameworked beads and glass